i'm addicted to... speed.

yeah... it's not that so weird an addiction, rite?
but then, tu la... bukan main dah vow on the way balik kerja, nak maintain slow je bawak kereta, 70-80 km/j je kononnye... ye la, nak rushing ke mana pun... tapi, once ada je kereta slow sikit kat depan, got a chance to potong, terus potong and start speeding... dari nak maintain 80, jadi maintain 100km/j... sometimes even more... aduih...
betul la orang kata, there's something about speeding that gives u that particular 'kick'... maybe it's due to the adrenaline rush, the feeling alert like a panther that keeps u going, tapi, yeah, it feels good... and when it feels good, u keep on doing it... and when u keep on doing it, it becomes an addiction... lagi syok bila ada lagu best kat radio... but then, sometimes, nak alert punya pasal, tak concentrate pada lagu pulak... jadi x enjoy jugak driving bila dah kena cautious sepanjang masa... not to say driving slow doesn't need caution, but tu la... kadang-kadang, bila dah sampai, rasa lagi dub-dab berdebar.. wondering, did i really drive like a maniac just now?? punyalah tanam azam tak nak buat lagi, especially bila memotong bahaya sikit, but then, esoknya, buat lagi... aduih...
hence, it becomes an addiction...
not necessarily a good one...hm...
ops, it's time to go home, now... pray i won't speed...heh!
ciao!!

i'm exhausted...

hola... from lazy, i jump 2 exhaustion... heh, what the heck is wrong with me these days?? but, then, seriously, maybe i just need a break from everything... and i mean, everything... work, stories, life... heh, no, i don't mean the last one.. tu gila bunyi macam suicidal la pulak... sayang nyawa lagi.. banyak lagi benda nak buat... banyak lagi benda dalam kepala yang nak dikeluarkan... waiting for the right time and the right words to come flowing in.. masalah betul bila ada too much plans in the head, berlumba-lumba nak dibuat... alih-alih, i'm staring @ nothing for an hour and a half, tak boleh buat apa ke jadah pun... cet!
physically exhausted, yeah.. walaupun the road to work not too bad anymore these days, but then bila bayangkan esok kena bangun awal dan tak boleh tidur dah lepas subuh, sebab nak kena pergi kerja, aiyo... terus badan letih... i'm such a bad worker, eh? nanti la, tunggu 1 mei, jadi good worker balik.. heh, hari pekerja... okey, okey, lawak tak kelakar...
mentally exhausted... sebab sedey idea dah tak datang mencurah macam dulu... dulu waktu datang kerja pun boleh just sit back sekejap, tulis... sekarang habuk pun tak dak... nape ye? mungkin sebab just nak kena kembangkan je idea lama tu? ye ke macam tu? tapi, pam nak bagi 'mengembang' tu macam bocor je, tak mengembang mana pun...:(
heh, okey, sorry.. don't understand what i'm ranting about? nanti la... not ready yet to spill... ni kira baguih dah ni mengarut kat sini... kalau tak, tak de nye... heh, memang aku dah melalut.. chow dulu la ye!

i'm lazy these days...

yeah... i am lazy these days... yawning almost every half an hour... when i'm at work, i'm missing my bed at home so terribly, i fell asleep on the desk and woke from a dream... a dream!! i mean, who the heck sleep @ work sampai mimpi2??
i'm lazy 2 write too... the ideas came slowly these days, have to read back what i wrote over and over and over baru boleh kinda peram idea baru.. tu pun tak banyak...
first project still stuck @ epilog... second one stuck @ the sad turn of event... third one stuck @ separation... forth one stuck everywhere...
so, basically, i'm stuck... and when i'm stuck @ what i love 2 do, i feel down... and when i feel down, i don't have the mood to do anything else... and when i don't have the mood 2 do anything else, i become lazy... and when i become lazy, i yearn to just sleep and sleep and sleep the day through... but i can't... because i have to go 2 work...
have to physically and mentally force myself to swing those skinny legs over the side of the bed, walked staggeringly to the bathroom and have a bath, put on clothes, sit at the driver's seat and drive my car for 40-45 minutes to work... and almost always, when i'm in the ground of the hospital, i'll start yawning...heh... until the end of that day... and the cycle repeats itself tomorrow... aahh, so lazy la, what 2 do??
i need a holiday... coming soon, yeah, insya Allah... can't wait...
but till then,i'm still physically and mentally forcing myself... aiyo!!not good, not good... but what a girl gotta do??

i love music...

okay, ni nak start balik dah karangan about the things i love...
i'm giving u time to run... 1... 1 second...2... 2 second...3... 3 second...
still here?? u're one brave person...
so, here goes... i love music...heh... what the heck? who doesn't? but the thing is i just don't love typical music that is played constantly on the radio... or is the hot buzz of the year, month, week, whatever... i love the kind which has good lyric and superb sound... no matter what year, month, week they're born...
okay, first, we go to good lyric... when i mean good lyric, i kinda mean poetic ones...heh, sue me, but i like meaningful lyrics, not those yang keep on ulang the same things, no value, no meaning whatsoever... i like the kind that makes us think back about our lives, makes us stop for a while and judge ourselves, because hey, there is nobody else worthy to judge ourselves than our own selves... we can't judge people, because that is just not a right thing to do, so as the door swings both ways, people cannot judge us too. only we can do that... if, okay, to be fair, i do listen to lovey dovey songs, too, but yang ada sweet words.. not just merely i want u, u want me, that sort of things... so, i guess, r n b is a no, no to me...not even for the sake of its music, because r n b is mostly dance music, and i have to admit, shamelessly, i don't know how to dance... so what the heck is the use for me to like r n b??heh... hiphop, some i can tolerate, some no... shinoda's rapping, yes, of course, since i'm a big fan, and he raps about life mostly, so there's value there... sappy, lovey westlife, backstreet boys?? used to like them back in secondary school days, when i was this awkward school girl trying to connect with my surroundings, but now i find them kinda ridiculous...heh, yeah, sue me, a bit skeptical (some might say, a lot) about that particular thing called 'love'... and i put down the title 'i love music'... sue me for being contradictory, even to myself.. i too don't understand myself most of the time... so, back to that... what kind of music i love actually?? good lyric can be found in love songs, yes, rap, yes and rock... hah... rock... heh.. i'm a linkin park's fan, developed when i was in my first year in uni, influenced by a roommate and yeah, i go for rock these days... and not just linkin park, there's nickelback, nirvana, metallica, oasis, creed, korn, hm.. just to name a few... and slow rock is nice too, like one republic... i go crazy for one particular song from them, all fall down... memang akan dengar lagu tu when i'm sad, depressed or even happy... here's a list of songs i listen to when i'm depressed, sad or happy;
1. all fall down, onerepublic
2. leave out all the rest, linkin park
3. wth u, reanimation album, linkin park
4. ku berlari, akhbar, firdaus n cat farish
5. wonderwall, oasis
6. how u remind me, nickelback
7. higher, creed
8. somebody someone, korn
hm... that's it, i suppose... heh, ada jugak satu lagu melayu kat situ, ye..heh, yes, it's a good song, talk about pursuing ur dream... so i guess, my taste in good lyric is not restricted to english songs only.. lagu cina yang i tau translations dia pun ada juga yang i suka: precious, by yuna ito... and our commemoration by,hm... lupa..but it's a soundtrack for a taiwanese drama, my lucky star.. one good story there...
so, kalau nak describe satu-satu lagu-lagu kat atas tu why i like them, alamatnya sampai bulan tujuh tahun 2012 pun tak habis lagi la entry ni...
but then, to conclude, the songs have good lyrics and superb music... and when i say superb music (here we go), i mean yang memang bila dengar tu rasa macam one earful (is that even a word?? i want to say a handful of sounds, but then u listen with your ears, so is it an earful??).. maksudnya, music dia cukup lengkap.. gitar goreng best, drums creatively maneuvred, vocals mantap, and the other sound, keyboard ke, table turning ke memang masuk cun je dengan lagu...yeah... all the good things in a song put together....
so yeah, i don't like simple music... i like intricately done ones... and meaningful too... handful?? yup, you can say that of me...;)

it's fun going out with a friend...

heh, yeah, like i have to state that out loud... mana la ada keluar dengan kawan tak fun, ye idak??
tapi tu la.. today i got invited to hang out by an old friend from matrix, a guy, mind u, whom i haven't met for... um.. let me see... six years? is it? 4 years in uitm, then 2 years working, ni baru jumpa balik dengan mamat tu... ye la tu 6 years total up... baru catching up dengan dia pun masa masuk facebook last year...
and it was fun.. he brought his sister along, and she was fun too...
heh, ingat balik masa matrix dulu tak de la rapat sangat dengan mamat ni... tegur sakat tu ada la, biase je, tapi waktu dia mula tegur kat facebook pun rasa tergezut terkujat jugak sekejap...
but i have 2 admit la, he's one hell of a nice guy... his girlfriend is very, very lucky...
yeah, yeah, he's already got a girlfriend (rolling eyes) and he loves her so much! like i said, one lucky girl... hehehe...
we talked a lot about things, and i can sense how much he's grown... memang smart and open-minded but still sempoi selamba... nice combination... susah nak cari tu... heh, u got a clone or not eh benu??
he's got good opinion on almost anything, pretty optimistic guy yang memang jarang nak jumpa... heh, banyak siot puji, ada apa-apa ke?
tak la.. just proud i have a friend like him...
kehkeh, anyway, it was fun... that's all i want to say.:)

i'm blocked...

heh, that statement doesn't apply to my car being blocked and i cannot go out, or my path is obstructed by anything... it goes even deeper and more specifically to the smallest thing, which is my neuron... heh.. or more precisely, my brain is blocked.
no, i'm not saying my head is stucked in a helmet or anything, it's just that, i'm out of ideas...
my neurons which usually go out of their places exciting into something interesting and new are just now moving in a direct, straight, routinely boring pathway...
heh, i can see you're screwing up your nose and forehead now... and thinking in your head, what the heck is this girl trying to say??
so, here goes, to unscrew those wrinkles on your nose and forehead, all i'm saying is i don't have any new ideas... and i have three and a half 'projects' (if i may name them that way) i need, i want to finish...
the first one almost come to an end, yes, but when i rearranged the margin according to specification, i don't have enough pages as according to requirement... got me worried there for a second, because i have to add a few more here and there... and i've added... still not enough... and now i don't know how to end it... this one i do solely for my friends... and i'm desperate to finish... for them... huh...no ideas what more to add, which brings us to the second and third 'projects'.
the second one, i barely have an idea or two, but it kinda comes to an abrupt ending... not the end yet, still have a lot to add, but i just don't know what to do...
and the third, memang dah lama gila tak update... the 'half' one too..
aarrghh!!!
it's not nice being stucked, being blocked...by anything at all...
help me, God!!