my weaknesses...

To whom this may be of concern... semua orang ada kelemahan. and this, sadly, is the list of mine...

1. saya tak reti masak. dan bukan masak benda bombastik mana pun, masak nasi pun saya tak reti mana. and to make it even worse, saya MALAS nak masak. entah nak buat apa nak jadi rajin, tapi memang susah nak ke dapur untuk saja-saja nak masak. memang malu la bila tengok Junior Masterchef Australia, tapi still tak jadi rajin jugak. still tak belajar jugak.


2. saya malas kemas rumah. kalau menyapu sekali seminggu tu kira rajin la tu. i hate the dust and the dirt, and when i clean i do it vigorously, but sadly, not frequently.


3. saya manja. hahaha.. i admit it, that is so true. yang seronok bila duduk dengan mak ayah, they spoil me. beyond reason. and i take that to my best advantage. baju mak basuh, kadang-kadang pinggan makan pun mak basuh. bukan tak reti buat sendiri, tapi, yeah, manja.


4. bila tengok cerita kegemaran atau baca buku kegemaran memang saya tune out everything else. mak ayah ajak bercakap pun kadang-kadang saya buat dunno je. teruk? yeah. dengar tak dengar je la apa yang dia orang cakap. kesian dia orang....


5. saya suka berangan. make it KUAT berangan. especially time dengar lagu favorite, time melangut dalam toilet, time lepas dengar cerita best atau tengok cerita best. most of the time angan-angan tu boleh jadi diulang-ulang untuk berhari-hari, berbulan-bulan lamanya. especially if it involves a guy who falls (and to quote clay from one tree hill, season 7) insanely in love with me. macam-macam senario yang ada... sad-ending, happy-ending.. my imagination can leap all boundaries, seriously. hahaha... which brings me to the next weakness...


6. i'm a hopeless romantic. ashamed to admit that, but it's true. stories i write would be proof enough, but that is another weakness i'll tell later. saya still nangis kalau tengok cerita Shah Rukh Khan yang sedih-sedih, akan berair mata bila tengok cerita yang touch my heart, baca cerita yang touch my heart, dengar lagu yang touch my heart. dan tak semestinya cerita romantik pun. I cried watching Seabiscuit for the hundredth time and if you think crying for a horse is a romantic, there's something wrong with you. heh!


7. i'm paranoid. a bit insecure, maybe. i don't go through a day without thinking that somebody is displeased with me.


8. when i look into the mirror, there are time i like what i see, there are time when i don't.


9. saya ada blackheads, banyak, on my nose. hidden in pictures, but not so much when you look at me in the flesh. i hate them, and even more when people take notice, but then what the heck should i do? they want to be there.


10. seeing weakness number 9, you should think that i'm not much of a girl who takes good care of her appearance. yeah, that is true too. i might be using one of the most expensive facial products in the market, but my compliance is poor. nak jimat satu hal, but most part of it is just because saya malas. haha...


11. saya malas. that pretty much sums it all. saya malas buat benda yang saya patut buat, tapi rajin buat benda lain. a bit twisted, if you ask me.


12. saya suka tidur. saya suka tidur lepas subuh (so not very good) and suka bangun lambat. dan saya malas bangun pagi.


13. saya penakut. saya tulis cerita, finished quite a few, tapi still can't find the courage to submit for publishing. i have a publisher in mind, but i just can't get myself to do it. isk!


14. saya takut katak pisang. fobia, actually. lipas tak sangat, tapi katak, yes.


15. saya suka bercakap dengan teddies saya. entah la, lagi senang kut nak luahkan hati pada benda yang tak de respons, sebab dia tak boleh bagi respons yang kita tak nak. dengar je dengan muka blank. and oh, sometimes, i make them talk back to me. respons yang saya nak. haha... yup, psychiatric ward, here i come.


16. saya suka lelaki pakai cap. tak tau kenapa. sebab mike shinoda pakai cap kut. and sebab abang-abang saya pun suka pakai cap (note the fact that my brothers come second to shinoda, hehe! sorry bros!)


17. kids and babies. they are one of my weaknesses. it's just that there's something in the innocent look on their faces that make me want to shield them from the harshness of today's world, and feel helpless when i can't.


18. saya tak suka iron baju, dan benda yang paling saya tak suka selepas tu adalah lipat baju. then jemur baju. basuh, hm... mesin yg buat, so no comment, heh!


19. i'm jealous. kadang-kadang tak terkawal. jealous dengan kawan yang kahwin, sampai satu tahap i refuse to go to weddings. jealous dengan kawan yang dapat baby, but then babies are my soft spot, so i fall in love with them anyway.


20. i curse. badly. okay, mungkin sekarang dah tukar la. shit jadi shoot, hell jadi heck, fu#$ jadi ffff, but still, i curse. bad mouth. bad, bad mouth.


21. saya suka bawak kereta laju. heh, many people who know me would agree with me on that one without a blink of hesitation. hehe. susah benar nak let go of this one particular habit. it's the rush, i guess. and the fact that kalau saya tension, marah, upset, sedih, driving soothes me down. with the highest possible speed that i dare. and the loudest music that suits the current mood.


22. saya terasa nak migrate ke negara lain. preferably Australia. i've been there, and i think i like the environment. the boundary is clear. nak jelaskan hukum kat sana mudah sebab bezanya jelas. putih, hitam, islam, bukan islam. tak gray macam kat sini. islam, islam tapi tak amalkan islam, bukan islam. kabur kenapa wujudnya islam yang tak amalkan islam dekat the so-called islamic country. and i want to escape the dirty, foul-mouthed and blue-minded politics too. sick and tired of it. at least kat negara orang, we can pretend ignorance. kat negara sendiri, it's a responsibility that i surely don't want to be heaved onto these incapable shoulders. so, escape. yeah, cowardice, i know. but then, better dari bersubahat dengan benda yang salah, tak ke gitu?


23. apparently, i'm good at making people hate me. one obvious example, somebody hates me so much that he deleted the comment i made on his facebook status and made a comment about it on his NEXT status. hah! well, i guess, it's all for the best. better he hates me than me trying to force him into being someone he's not. just regretting that he's not accepting or realising my apology, that's all.


24. i don't believe in love... okay, rephrasing that. i'm SCARED of love. being a hopeless romantic that i am, i can't say i don't believe in it, i'm just scared. of that particular emotion. i'm scared of loving someone so much, i forget to love Him. i'm scared if someone loves me and i can't live up to the expectation.


25. i'm selfish. and sometimes i become too proud of myself of what i've achieved and scold myself after that for being such an arrogant (even only thinking or feeling it without showing it) person.


26. hm... what else? setakat ni tu je yang boleh terfikir. banyak dah jugak tu. people who know me might be able to list more, i think. er... hehe...

it's possible to say that by listing my weaknesses and being aware of them is a kelebihan in itself. but then, that is just one kelebihan versus 25++ kelemahan. the numbers still say it all, huh?

now you know the deal. go run and scoot for cover. thank you for reading.

stress....

i woke up this morning and thought that i should write about this. i've been holding it up inside for so long, it felt like i was bursting. this morning i thought that was the last straw. i do have something to say about this. i do. when i opened the blogger just now, (which i haven't done for quite some time, so sorry for that), that burst abruptly died down. i felt nothing. staring at the page and feeling nothing. i felt like it was just a small matter, what's the use of saying it out loud here? i've been saying it over and over, still people won't take heed. what's the use of wasting an entry here? still, this is my blog, this is where i share my thoughts when i can't say them out loud verbally. so here it goes, again. damn.
stress. what is stress? some people say stress is good. but too much of it is bad. can make you sick and tired and eventually go crazy. many people, me included, have more stress at work than at home. home is where you rest, you relax, you expect it to be stress-free, and for me, Thank God, it still is. work? not so much.
seriously, i don't mind the work so much. i don't mind the fact that the level of work increases from day to day, everyday. i don't mind having to do new thing everyday. for me, more work, more things to learn. i truly believe that. i don't mind the lady boss exhausts me with more things to do, because i truly appreciate the knowledge that comes with it. what makes me sick and tired is the daily conversations we go through.
suddenly it's back to me being single when others around me are coupling around and procreating. suddenly it's the desperate issue on why i'm still single. suddenly i'm the stupidly-grinning sidekick whose master is desperate to find a partner for. suddenly i'm paraded around with a desperate question can-somebody-please-find-someone-for-her-and-quick-because-she's-not-that-young-anymore. suddenly i'm back as the unwanted listener to talks of marriages and babies and bedroom jumbo-mumbos. i seriously, seriously thought i got over that.
before this, i've come to learn to calm myself, to let go of all the jealousy and accept circumstances. before this, i've stopped being jealous because talks like those have ceased and slowed down. now, it's back in full swing, and i really feel like slamming door onto someone's face. anyone.
well, of course i don't do that. of course i just continue being my cheerful-self, stupidly making funny faces when talks of bedroom scenario falls into my ears, making outrageously dumb jokes when talks of married life comes to my hearing. of course i swallow it all, though it tastes very bitter to my throat, and keep on grinning like an idiot, which of course, i am. the idiot who can't seem to find someone for herself.
you have no idea how hard it was for me to overcome all this before. you have no idea how it feels like knowing everyone around me moves on beautifully with their lives while i'm still here, the idiot who got stuck. you. have. no. idea...
so now, i'm back at ground zero. and the twin tower of desperate questions are crashing straight down towards me with full speed.
one, i can say proudly, i evaded. only one. happened a few days ago, when the lady boss and a colleague of mine who just recently broken-up with her boyfriend and is 2 years younger than me were out having lunch. the lady boss asked The question: bila la korang ni nak dapat pakwe? i smilingly answered her: saya tak nak pakwe, lady boss, saya nak suami. kalau saya nak pakwe, dah lama kut dah ade. that got a smile on her face and she said: kenapa? tak layak? i just smiled and shook my head. bukan tak layak. it was never a matter of tak layak. it's not me who decide layak tak layak. who am i to decide that? i have my flaws too. everyone does. i'm not perfect and thus i can't decide layak ke tak layak.
it's more a matter of me being ready or not. it's a matter of the guy being the one i'm looking for or not. but of course i can't answer that to her. it won't be an easy task trying to explain to her all that. it won't be easy explaining to you what i'm looking for in a man. at times, i can't even explain it to myself. lack of experience might be one of the causes for that complication in deciding what i look for, but heck, what i lack in experience, i make up in observation. i observe people around me, something the lady boss scorn at, saying observing is not the same as experiencing. whatever. do i sound like i care?
so yeah, i never had a boyfriend, like i said, i never want to have a boyfriend. i never believe in couple, dating, whatever. i don't believe in love before marriage. i believe in love after marriage, something the lady boss scorn at too. i mean, what the heck is she having now, if not love after marriage? duh! anyway, you're free to think me old-fashioned, but that's what i hold on to, that's what i look for.
that's that. and then comes the talk about babies. so, yeah, i know about babies. i have 6 nieces and 3 nephews and 2 more on the way with gender still yet unknown. i doted on every single one of them when they were babies and still do when they are now grown-up. so, i know a bit here and there about kids. does that make me want to have children of my own? heck yeah! will that make me snatch any man around just to have those little ones to hold? heck no! so, please, don't act all weird when i say things about babies, or seem to be all-knowing about them. it's just that i truly know and i got that from experience, mind you. it's not easy being knowing and not sharing, so that's what i do. i share.
i'm happy when my friends have kids of their own, jealous even, but that does not make me desperate for a man. for me, having a baby is not just having something to cuddle and play with, i can do that with my teddies, really. having a baby is so much more. it's your responsibility to teach him/her to live. and the lives ahead as i see it, is not so easy anymore. you can't be satisfied by teaching them how and what to eat, what to read, how to behave. you have to teach them how to be the future leader in this world, which is so close to its end and huddled with so many distractions, so many damages and social corruptions. and since i don't think i'm strong or wise enough to teach little ones how to go through all that, i need a man who can. and not just any man can do that, right?
yes, i want a husband, not just a husband here, but hopefully, God willing, he will also be the husband in the hereafter. who can guide me and future generation if any, towards the life that lasts forever, in the hereafter. that is this humble person's ambition all along. is it so wrong to have that kind of ambition? is it wrong to aim far down the road, towards the end and beyond it? is it wrong for a girl like me to have more purposes in life than just trying to settle down with a family? is it wrong for a girl like me to be cautious? my purpose is the future. i don't settle. i have ambition to help the future, as long as God gives me ability to breathe. and if i'm destined to do it alone, so be it. if there is someone to help me along the way, God willing, i'll be grateful.
do i sound like an idiot to you now? for wanting all that and having to wait a wee bit longer since it's a lil' bit difficult to find such a someone who can help me get through these days of distractions, damages and social corruptions? for wanting the future of the garden in the hereafter, not the fire?
just please, idiot or no idiot, i've had enough. please, please, pretty please (i'm asking nicely now), please STOP asking, STOP talking, STOP promoting about things beyond your control. please. before i go crazy. before i ask you twice. because then, it won't be nice anymore.

Lessons we can learn from A Walk to Remember

I’m sure many of you have watched A Walk to Remember, the movie. Many also have read the book, written by Nicholas Spark. Watching the poignant story came to life is quite a memorable thing, added with such a compelling pair of leads. The movie is full of lessons, really. Here are some I personally gathered...
1. You never can judge a book by its cover. You never can judge a person by his/her appearance, or his/her surroundings and circle of friends. There is such a thing called benefit of the doubt. However bad a person is, and however wrong his choice of friends is, his heart might be good. Peer pressure pressed Landon to be friends with the naughty group, but his good heart still compelled him to save and apologize to that boy, whom was so eager to be in that group.
2. Jealousy is a bitter thing. Especially when you’re the bad one jealous of someone who is good, and because of it you do something bad to that good person. No good thing can come your way. Belinda’s aim from distributing the corrupted picture of Jamie was to get Landon back. Well, she got that scornful look from him, and that’s it. He never looked back again.
3. Even that movie was almost ten years ago, there was already the technology of corrupting or in nicer word, editing a picture. And that was Kodak pictures, not even digital ones yet. As the years gone by, we were introduced with digital cameras and digital everything. Editing pictures are only a click away. Lesson to ponder here, girls, is that even then, more than five years ago, people can do whatever to your pictures. What about now? Yup. People can do more. Technology advances, and so does people wicked intention. Be careful what you post on the net, whatever pictures, whatever videos. You don’t want your face to be plastered on that corrupted flyers (or in these years, everywhere on the net) like Jamie’s did.
4. There is such a thing called courtesy, and courting. Not many men use those these days. There is a proper manner in asking a girl out, even for Christians, as shown in the movie when Landon went to see the Reverend to ask Jamie out. Well, how many guys do that these days? Asking the parent for permission to date the daughter? We, Muslims are not supposed to date. But, even so, we do have the proper manner in asking a girl for her hand in marriage. By asking her wali, her parents or her guardian. How many Muslimin do that these days? Forget Facebook, forget sms, forget phone calls, those are not, and I repeat ARE NOT the proper channels for you to propose, however romantic you do it. Doing it the proper way shows your love and respect for the girl. The aim is for a lifetime, ladies and gentlemen, and not for just a few passionate moments. It’s no wonder when we hear people got divorced through sms and phone calls so easy these days, they might propose through those methods too, before!
5. Talking about parents, this movie teaches something about parenting too. About the scar a parent left to his kid when he walked away. It lasted for years. It’s not an apparent scar you see on your skin, but it’s the scar which hurts the most. Scar on your heart. But then, at the end of the day, your parents are still your parents. No matter how hard, or how hurtful it got, or how grown-up you’ve become, once in a while you do need that loving hug from your parents, those strong shoulders to cry on. I didn’t shed a tear throughout the movie except for the scene when Landon hugged his father tight and cried his heart out after finding out that the old man was willing to pay for Jamie’s home care. That was for me, the saddest, most poignant moment in the movie.
6. We can learn a lot from other people thoughts and opinions, no matter how shallow or dumb they might seem to be. Take that quote from Dolly Parton, for example; ‘know who you are, and do it on purpose’. That was nice, and brilliant too. And surprisingly came from someone whom we thought never could get pass that blob of yellow hair of hers. She does have a lot more quotes we can ponder upon and be amazed of actually. Collecting quotes from famous people and quotes that are meaningful have been one of my hobbies for years. And I learned a lot from it. You should try it too.
7. Besides quotes, I’m also a sucker for good lyrics. I don’t do sappy love songs, but I appreciate meaningful lyrics, the one that can touch your heart in a lot of ways you can possibly imagine and last long. Everlasting words, evergreen songs, whatever term you use. And A Walk to Remember movie has one heck of a soundtrack. The best thing about this movie is, it is in a way religious. Stop for a while and ponder the lyrics for the song Only Hope which Mandy Moore’s character, Jamie sang in the play. And analyze the lyrics for Learning to Breathe, sung by Switchfoot. These songs are not dedicated to a lover. The lyrics are dedicated to Him. The Creator.
8. We learn something deeper from the movie too. Jamie’s dream was to witness a miracle. We learnt from the movie that the miracle was Landon. This shows that a miracle to each and everyone of us does not need to be by seeing a rocket flying out through our window, or encountering aliens, or watching comets. A miracle is deeper. More mysterious. It’s in us. And too many times, it’s in front of us, but we refuse to see it for what it is. For Landon to fall in love with Jamie and changed to be a much better person was so out-of-place, that it became a miracle. Think about that, and reflect back. What happened in your life that you thought wasn’t possible, but it happened anyway? That is your miracle. If it’s good, be grateful for it. If it’s not, it is still a miracle, because in a way, anything bad that happens to us teaches us to be stronger, and that is miracle in its truest form.
9. Well, yeah, I said the movie is a bit religious. It’s about keeping faith. And for those who have lost it, it’s about finding it. It’s not that easy to find, because you can’t see it. You can only feel it. You will feel it when you believe it. For us, Muslim, we have a strong guidance. We have our holy Quran. Believe in it because it can never be changed or corrupted, that is His promise. Believe in Him, believe in the Prophet, believe in the Book, you’ll be fine.
10. Last but not least, of course, the movie teaches us about love. Love between lovers, love between parents and their children, love between friends. The sacrifice it takes, the fairness, the tears and laughter, the lesson to be good, it’s all there. So, here’s the famous quotes about love, taken from the movie, you remember it;
“Our love is like the wind. I can’t see it, but I feel it.”
And then, there’s also the list of what love actually is, quoted in the movie, taken from the Bible.
“Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous,

Love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful.

Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.

Love does not come to an end.”
And these, are the benefits that I get from the movie, and the quotes along the story. :)

keepsakes...

i miss my best friends. a lot.
and this is the only place i can say that.
i'm not good at saying my feelings out loud. i'm not good at showing how i really feel towards people. that is one of my many, many weaknesses, i'm afraid. i'm not the kind of friend who goes on hugging friends, not even those i haven't seen for ages. i'll feel awkward, to be honest. deep down i like and appreciate it, but still the awkwardness won't go away. i'm not the kind of friend who calls friends just to chat, not even once a month. i wouldn't know what to chat about. i wouldn't know what topic to go into when we got past the greetings. i hardly sms to ask how a friend is doing, i'll only be texting to wish them happy birthday. and that is when i ask them how they're doing. once a year. that is the only way i show them that i do remember them. by remembering their birthdays. but, i do remember them. a lot. i miss them.
there's a reason to it, though. my one, solid excuse. my best friends move on with their lives. and me with my naive and at times, stupid thought believe that i don't want to bother them.
tonight, i miss my three best friends from uitm more than ever. and this is why i'm writing this.
i miss our laughter together. i miss our tears together. those four years we shared cannot be replaced by anything, anything at all. i still keep the memories, even though they already go way far along the road, leaving me behind. i held on to the little things they ever gave me for as long as i could. my keepsakes.
Elya once gave me this keychain with four cartoon figurines on it for my birthday in 2006 (i think). each representing everyone of us, she said. me was the naughtiest and the skinniest one, heh. i lost it in the built-in-the-floor heater at my sister's rented house in melbourne in august 2010. i sat there crouching on the floor, groping for it for hours, but didn't find it. maybe i lost it somewhere else. but the fact remained that hurt me most is just that: i LOST it. it might be just a little, meaningless thing to some people, but not to me. it represented me and my three best friends. it represented the memories. it represented a friend who loves her friend. i've held on to it for years, dangling from my favorite backpack and it traveled with me. to bangkok, and melbourne twice. i'm so sorry i lost it.
Maria once gave me a set of pink brooches, because she knew i like pink, one smaller than the other, also for my birthday. i didn't wear it when i was still studying, because i was not much of a girl who swung her tudung this way and that way. i was pretty much a simple girl who worked just fine with one brooch. so, i kept it in the box she gave me. i started wearing them when i started working, at the end of 2007. and never stopped wearing them until i lost them too, somewhere i didn't even know, recently. i hate this. she didn't even know whether i ever wore them, because she never saw me do. but believe me, they were my favorite brooches for as long as i could hold on to them. still, some people might say, what the heck, it's just brooches, but it's a gift. from a best friend. who knew and noticed and understood what i like and dislike.
Fad once surprised me with a cute little dinosaur teddy, with pink polka dots all over its body for my birthday. i named it Baby Pinky. one friend saw it and thought it suited to be called Measles, for the dots on its body, heh! nice name. even funnier than that, when all of us went to my sister's house one day, we saw that my barely one year old niece had the same teddy in her arms. what a coincidence! mak sedara ngalahkan anak sedara main teddy bear! i still hold on to it. i still have it on my bed, one of my sleep companions every night. thank God, it's a bit bigger to be lost anywhere.
those are my keepsakes. my sentimentally valuable keepsakes given by my three cherished best friends. whom had moved on beautifully with their lives. Elya is married and expecting her first baby this march. Maria is married and blessed with a cute little boy named Adam whom i haven't yet met, except through pictures in facebook. Fad is also married and expecting her first baby somewhere close to elya's too, i think. see, how i don't know much actually, because catching-up with friends is a failed course in my book. however much i miss them. and i regret that. but still, i hold on to the excuse that i don't want to bother them. as long as i know they are happy, that is enough for me. and so i sit here, missing them, and keeping our memories together close in my heart, with and without the keepsakes, for the sake of a beautiful friendship i'll treasure forever.

romance, romantic, romanticism...

wookay...
i've been trying to write on this topic since the first time i watched the movie 'The Young Victoria' on star movies. and that was a while ago. i've watched reruns of it three time! heh. it was about the queen victoria of the eighteenth century, how she met her husband, the love of her life, the regent prince albert and how she reigned for 64 years, the longest period of reigning for an england sovereign, to date. it's only fair to say that the movie was romantic, and the fact that it chronicles the queen's early life almost to the letter (except for the fact that her husband in reality was not hurt in the attempt to shield her from that crazy man who tried to kill her) kinda made me fall back into my romantic mode and believed that fairy tale happy ending does happen in real life. heh!
which somehow made me want to write about this:
first: romance.
second: romantic.
third: romanticism
Romance
by definition from wikipedia, romance is a noun that describes the pleasurable feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. It is also used as a verb (meaning to court or pursue amorously). in my case, to be perfectly and completely honest, i was a fan of romance novels. i did feel that tug in my heart whenever i watch romance-genre movies or dramas. there you go. but heck no, i didn't go fooling about romancing anyone, Alhamdulillah for that.
Romantic
Answer.com reflects romantic as relating to characteristic of romance or as a noun, it is said to be a follower or adherent of romance. in my part, i wouldn't say i'm a romantic. my best friends would say quite the opposite. well, i did cry at some shah-rukh-khan starred hindustan movies, which to them automatically labeled me as a romantic. outwardly, i hardly show that i'm romantic. i try to be the complete opposite, when deep down, actually, I am. i shared the same opinion as the two leading characters of the 27 Dresses. for them, when attending a wedding, they don't pay attention to the brides. instead they watch the look on the grooms' faces. whether it was pure pleasure at the first sight of his bride in a wedding gown, a forced smile, a nervous shake of the head, or plain torture. i do the same. whenever i watch the movie with weddings in it, i look closely to the groom, and not the bride, how happy he looks. whenever i attend a wedding, i watch the groom, the way he sits in front of the wali and tok imam and tok kadi, the way he nods his head, the way he smiles nervously and says the solemnization vows, the way he looks up, searching for his newly-wed wife and smiles when he finds her with her head bowed low and a soft smile upon her lips, relieved. brides are supposed to look beautiful on the wedding day. so, what's the use of looking at them when you already know that fact? but, you never can predict how a groom would look on his wedding day. if he's happy, it would show on his face when he finally solemnizes the marriage. if he's not, it shows too. that is much more interesting to look upon, and if that makes me a romantic, so be it.
Romanticism
Wikipedia said that romaticism (or the Romantic Era) was a complex artistic, literary, and intellectual movement that originated in the second half of the 18th century in Europe, and gained strength in reaction to the Industrial Revolution. quite a mouthful, huh? so, it's a movement, in various aspect of living at that time. The movement validated strong emotion as an authentic source of aesthetic experience, placing new emphasis on such emotions as trepidation, horror and terror and awe. so, it's about emotion. emphasizing on emotion, and neglecting anything else. hm... not quite a good thing to do, when emotion can lead you astray to the wrong path, if you neglect to use your head with it. being a woman, especially, emotion plays a vital part in our lives. unlike men who are all about logic and rational thinking, we, women, tend to rely on emotion a tad too tightly. which brings me to another definition of romaticism, quoted from Harun Yahya's Romanticism; A Weapon of Satan.
hah! that was on the cover of the book. we don't even go in depth of the book yet, but still the title already tells us that romaticism is not a good thing. according to Harun Yahya, romanticism is one such falsehood that is erroneously thought to be "true." In a society where people do not live by the true religion, romanticism is portrayed as a favourable quality peculiar to
compassionate, good people. Essentially, one of the most harmful characteristics of romanticism, and from which we must be on our guard, is that it rejects "reason" as contrary to its philosophy.
another mouthful, yes, but the important part from this i can extract is that romanticism is dangerous. we Muslims are people living with the true religion, we don't need a deviation to classify ourselves as what kind of a person. being a Muslim, a true one will automatically make us compassionate and good people, following the guidance of our Quran and the sunnah of our prophet. because those two teach us to be good people in details, and still keep our head above us, to rationalize things, not relying solely on emotion. we believe that our hearts are the center of our emotion, while our heads are the center of our rational reasoning. the beauty of Allah's creation is that the head is placed above all parts of the body, and the heart is placed on the upper left corner of our torso. reflecting on that, He wants us to put our head above anything, that is, to put our reasonings above anything else. emotion only come second.
There is a subtle danger that leads people away from religion, prevents them from submitting to God as their Lord, and ultimately brings numerous other forms of trouble and distress upon them. This danger of which we are speaking is sentimentality that leads people to live, not according to their reason, but according to their emotions; that is, according to their desires, hatreds, their susceptibility to temptation, and their stubbornness ~ Harun Yahya.
Ya Rabb, please don't let me fall prey to this danger, ameen.
so, following that, i redefine myself.
Romance, Romantic, Romanticism.
i let go of the first, i only hold on to the second deep down and be cautious about it, and i identify the third as something i should be careful about and God willing, not to be a victim of... insya Allah.

of terror and changed perceptions...

so, i stumbled upon a curious series tonight, The Future Express on australian network (channel 521 on astro). astro info told me that the series followed people traveling by train through 26 countries in 6 continents. seeing the fact that i am in the missing-my-traveling-days mode (and missing australia t00), i gleefully switched channel from whatever the heck i was watching before that in the hope that i'll be greeted with the beautiful scenery of the koala-and-kangaroo-inhabitated continent.
and then i was practically gaping at the screen. ngee...
first of all, it was not english. not even australian english. curious, curious, seeing that it was aired on australian network. how did i know it was not english? they provided english subtitles, you dope! heh, sorry!
second, it showed the cameraman going around in a moving train, interviewing people, mostly muslims. and after a while, i came to understand that they were algerian muslims. and the topic of discussions between the cameraman and whoever was with him with the passengers was about terrorism.
curious, curious...
and yes, curiosity got the better of me so i stuck with the series till its end.
numerous people were interviewed as the train kept going. some with the right definition of islam, some not so much.
one particular girl and what she said caught my attention. i couldn't remember her exact words now, but what she said was pretty much this: she scolded the wearing of veil for muslimah, saying it limits a woman's freedom (yes, she didn't wear any). i don't know now whether she's actually a muslim or not since she laughed and blushed when telling a story of a few men clapping their hands at her when she walked around in miniskirt. curious...
she also kinda scolded the terrorists which she said ruined the image of islam, and wondered out loud how muslims can say islam is so holy when those people (the terrorists, she meant) killed people in the name of jihad and raped women.
my level of curiosity increased at that so i yahooed (you have googled if you searched for info in google, so when i searched for info in yahoo, it's yahooed, yeah? heh!)
i didn't find so much on algeria and its relation with terrorists, and i am not a fan of newspaper, so i really have no idea what that was all about, until i read this short q&a session :http://infad.usim.edu.my/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=10781
so, there was a twin bombing happened in algeria sometime ago, (i think in 2007) involving the al-qaeda group claiming it to be a 'badr battle', which is an insult to islam, seriously.
so, the girl's perception on islam changed because of some stupid terrorist's act. can we truly blame her?
so, yeah, maybe it's because her understanding of islam is not as deep as it should be. because there were people on the train who understood and discussed that terrorism is not jihad. one man said that islam is a religion of peace, a religion of tolerance, which is absolutely true. islam is about cherishing our neighbours and uniting brothers and sisters with peace, not war. some understood that. some, with a bitter experience, i suspect, might find that concept a bit difficult to grasp.
see how terrorism is a danger to us? orang islam sendiri yang bawak bahaya pada orang islam lain. yang terlalu fanatik dan dah terpesong. that is sad.
it's sad knowing that wearing veil, or hijab, or tudung for muslimah is considered limiting their freedom, and it's sad knowing that a woman (and many more out there, i'm sure) think like that. because it is clearly stated in the qur'an (surah an-nisa and an-nur, specifically) that for muslimah to wear hijab is for the sole purpose of protecting them from harm, guarding their honor. that's the beauty of it. it is so sad knowing that a woman can misunderstand that. or not realising that.
it's sad knowing that one man or a group of men's wrongdoings tarnish the whole population of islam and the fact that muslims all around the world are being watched like a hawk. its sad knowing that in some countries, they bane the wearing of hijab for fear of them carrying weapons inside. it's sad knowing that muslims can't travel much around the world, especially muslimah, since they with their tudung create a wave of paranoia so great, that people stare at them with fear and hold their children tighter around them.
it's sad knowing that when that is clearly not islam is about. islam does not promote fear among people. because it is about peace, and not war. even there is no force in converting into it. we've learned that 'tiada paksaan untuk memeluk islam' since our form four pendidikan islam.
it's so sad knowing that people can misjudge this beautiful religion so greatly.
islam guides women closely to protect them. please, do understand that. i read in the iluvislam's paper today, an article saying that women are created with 9/10 shyness, and 1/10 wisdom, while men are created with 9/10 wisdom and 1/10 shyness. when women lose their shame, she's done, so do men when they lose their wit and mind. and it is so easy to lose that these days. so many distractions and bad influences, secular thoughts and perceptions. nauzubillah...
i'd like to share something else. supplications from ustaz zaharudin website. he encouraged people to share, so here it is, for muslimah out there: http://zaharuddin.blogspot.com/2010/11/doa-elak-cabul-dan-rogol.html
in case the link is broken: here's the copy-and-paste's version of it:
'DALAM sebutan rumi : BISMILLAH ALLAZI LA YADURRU MA’ASMIHI SYAIUN FIL ARDI WA LA FIS SAMAIE , WAHUWAS SAMI’UL ‘ALIM
Ertinya : Rasulullah s.a.w didengari berkata sesiapa yang berdoa : “Dengan nama Allah yang tiada dimudaratkan sesuatu apapun dengan namaNya samada di bumi dan di langit, dan Dialah maha mendengar dan maha mengetahui” sebanyak 3 kali, maka ia tidak ditimpa kesusahan bala dan musibah sehinggalah subuh esoknya, dan barangsiapa membacanya ketika subuh 3 kali, ia tidak ditimpa kesusahan bala dan musibah sehingga petangnya” ( Riwayat Abu Daud, 4/323 ; At-Tirmidizi, 5/465 dan Ahmad ; Tirmizi : Hasan – Teks doa berwarna Merah Syeikh Syuaib ; Hasan)
Ingin saya utarakan satu lagi doa sohih yang dibaca oleh isteri Nabi Ibrahim a.s (iaitu Siti Sarah) yang menyebabkan para lelaki zalim termasuk rajanya melarikan diri, saya sertakan sekali sumber rujukannya dari hadis Nabi s.a.w:
DALAM SEBUTAN RUMI : ALLAHUMMA IN KUNTA TA’LAMU INNI AAMANTU BIKA, WA BIRASULIKA WA AHSONTU FARJI ILLA ‘ALA ZAWJI FALA TUSALLIT ‘ALAYYA AL-KAFIR WA AZ-ZALIM
Ertinya : Ya Allah, jika engkau mengetahui bahawa aku beriman kepada Mu dan Rasul Mu, dan aku menjaga kehormatanku hanya untuk suamiku, maka lindungilah aku daripada dikuasai oleh orang-orang kafir dan zalim” ( Riwayat Al-Bukhari, no 2104, 2/722 ; Sunan Al-Baihaqi, 5/97; Musnad ahmad, 2/403 ; Fath Al-Bari, 6/393; Umdat Al-Qari, 12/30 ; Sohih )
Semoga ia dapat dihafaz dan di amalkan oleh semua wanita Muslimah, Cuma jangan lupa bahawa doa ini bersoifat tawassul dengan amal soleh anda, iaitu apabila diikat dengan imannya dengan Allah s.w.t dan RasulNya dan telah dijaga kehormatannya dan sudah tentu auratnya.
Justeru, seolah-olah kemaqbulan doa ini juga diikat tentang kewajiban untuk beriman dengan Allah dan rasulNya dan menutup aurat anda. Tanpanya, doa ini masih amat digalakkan untuk dilakukan, cuma jaminan seolah-olah lebih pasti bagi yang apa yang dikatanya (dalam doa ini) menepati apa yang sebenarnya penampilan fizikal anda.
Justeru, jika berbaju kebaya terbelah, baju sendat menampakkan susuk tubuh, berpakaian nipis seolah telanjang, bersolek canggih seperti artis bukan Islam..sudah tentu doa ini sahaja belum cukup mampu menjaga anda. Bukan kerana Allah s.w.t tidak mampu, tetapi Allah s.w.t tidak anggap wanita itu layak dek kerana kedegilannya sendiri.'
~i quoted a few ending words from ustaz too. just as a reminder. fikir-fikirkanlah. saya ni pun bukanlah baik sangat nak menasihati orang, still dalam usaha nak memperbaiki diri jugak lagi. sama-sama la kita saling ingat-mengingati, kay... wallahualam.