Roads Untraveled

'Weep not for roads untraveled,
Weep not for paths left alone,
Cause beyond every bend,
Is a long blinding end,
It's the worst kind of pain I've known.

Give up your heart left unbroken,
And let that mistake pass on,
Cause the love that you lost,
Wasn't worth what it cost,
And in time you'll be glad it's gone.

Weep not for roads untraveled,
Weep not for sights unseen,
May your love never end,
And if you need a friend,
There's a seat here alongside me.'

~ Linkin Park, Living Things, 2012.

Abah...

I remember that time when i sat alone in my car, staring into nothingness, waiting for that plane to take off... With tears flowing nonstop down my cheeks. I didn't know or understand why the tears came then, but i do now.
Because i remember another time before that, i was staring at them as they sat, patiently waiting for the final boarding call. The rest of the passengers walked past them. They should be the last to board. He couldn't walk the short distance to the plane door, you see, so a wheelchair was waiting besides him. I watched as he slowly stood up and sat on the wheelchair and the airport guy wheeled him slowly forward, with my mother close besides him. And that was the last time i saw him alive.
That was the reason for the tears.
Somehow, someway, back then, i knew but didn't realise.
Days passed, tears came, tears went, and i found a message on his sent item folder that made me laugh and cry at the same time. It was a message he sent a few months ago to my mom when it was just me and him at home, my mom had to take care of my sis who had just given birth;
'As'kum Nah, baru lepas makan 2 beranak. Anak suruh abah basuh pinggan. Hahahaha! Anak.'
That 'anak' in the message was me. Yes, i asked him to wash the dishes that night. But i didn't know he told my mother about it and laughed about it. The unconditional love of a parent. You find it in unexpected ways, most of the time.
I miss making him laugh. Even when i didn't know i did it.
I miss the jasmine buds he liked to put on my bed. I would let them bloom and dry up there before i threw them away. I miss his teasing and his jokes. I miss the sound of his voice when he recited the Qur'an after Subuh.
I miss him. So much.
Ya Allah, Ya Rabb, rahmatilah roh abah. Ampunilah dosa-dosanya... Lindungilah dia dari azab kubur-Mu, ya Allah, sayangilah dia... Amin...
Al-fatihah...
'Dengan nama Allah yang maha pemurah, maha penyayang. Segala puji-pujian bagi Allah, Tuhan sekalian alam. Yang maha pemurah, maha penyayang. Yang menguasai hari pembalasan. Kepada-Mu sajalah yang kami sembah, kepada-Mu sajalah yang kami mohon pertolongan. Tunjukilah kami jalan yang lurus. Iaitu jalan orang-orang yang Engkau anugerahkan nikmat kepada mereka, bukan jalan mereka yang Engkau murkai, dan bukan pula jalan mereka yang sesat.'

Books into movies or dramas

P/s: err... I know. Bad handwriting. Hanging mid-babble. (i'm talking about the pic down under which supposed to be up here. Oh, well...) Here's what i was actually babbling about;
So, i just recently watched Ombak Rindu last night. Granted, i didn't go to the movies, but someone uploaded the full movie on facebook so i watched it. Haha!
And i understood the writer's dissappoinment in it.
I don't remember when i actually read the book, let alone its storyline. I just remember i skipped quite a few pages. Too emotional for me. But, that's what moves you when reading. The authors' abilities to describe emotions. However, nothing moved me last night when i watched the movie.
I think it is rather insulting to us writers, either the struggling ones (like me) or the accomplished ones (like ombak rindu's author) when the story we put so much efforts into (YOU HAVE NO IDEA) to be portrayed on screen with such careless ways.
I think the only stories quite successfully be transformed into movies were the Harry Potter series. Even then, there were some parts in the movies that the audiences won't understand if they didn't read the books. That i observed from my own experiences having to answer my nephew's continuous questions after we watched the last part of the franchise. But then, maybe that's the whole idea. People who haven't yet read the books, when they watched the movies might want to begin reading them. More profit to the author.
Sadly for me, though, i didn't feel like reading Ombak Rindu again after i watched the movie last night. And that is pretty upsetting if you're the writer. Imagine that.
Even if (or to be more positive, even WHEN) i get the chance to publish my stories, i don't ever want them to be translated into movies or dramas.
We write stories, we put our hearts and souls into it, we breathe our hopes into it to be meaningful to someone. To be something someone can learn from.
Making books into movies or dramas is a big responsibility. HUGE. don't look down on it. Do not belittle the ideas behind the stories. Some small scenes in books might mean big thing to someone. Especially the writers.
Do not sidesweep the author. You don't have her/his brain.

Me these days...

This one is for you...

I know how hopeless it feels,
When someone you love is sick,
And you don't know what to do.
I know how it hurts deep inside,
When someone you love is in pain,
And you have no idea how to help.
But i don't know how it feels,
When you lost that someone you love,
And they will never come back.
Though i had dreamed it to happen to me, i never want it to happen to you.
I'm sorry you have to go through that now.
I'm so sorry we broke off the way we did,
And thus i can't be there to comfort you as a friend should.
I'm so sorry for the fact that we're no longer speaking,
And i can't say to you the soothing words you need right now.
Here i am, writing this for you.
Be strong, i know you are.
But, do cry, because it helps to cleanse the soul, and it helps to bring back your smile.
Believe in your heart that he is at a better place now, and insya Allah, he is.
Always remember him in your prayers, ask Allah to forgive his sins and bless him with His merciful Blessings. Always. Insya Allah.
I know you have to be strong for your family,
But at times, do take a deep breath, and let the tears flow when they come.
Tears are not meant to be swallowed, they are meant to be released.
And yes, you'll be stronger after, Allah willing.
And yes, i will still be here.
Al-Fatihah for him, whom i knew, meant everything to you.
'Dengan nama Allah yang maha pemurah, maha penyayang. Segala puji-pujian bagi Allah, Tuhan sekalian alam. Yang maha pemurah, maha penyayang. Yang menguasai hari pembalasan. Kepada-Mu sajalah yang kami sembah, kepada-Mu sajalah yang kami mohon pertolongan. Tunjukilah kami jalan yang lurus. Iaitu jalan orang-orang yang Engkau anugerahkan nikmat kepada mereka, bukan jalan mereka yang Engkau murkai, dan bukan pula jalan mereka yang sesat.'
Amiin, ya Rabb...

Seadanya... being the operative word

A conversation occured just now in a session in ustazah pilihan when the finalists went to thailand and interviewed a few couples who got married there for various reasons... (words slightly changed, i can't remember the exact words they said):
"Finalist ustazah: jadinya kenapa anda berdua berkahwin di sini, tidak di malaysia?
Lelaki: isteri pertama saya tak bagi.
(he was suspiciously young, probably still in midtwenties).
Perempuan: ibu bapa saya x restu. Kami dah berkawan 7 tahun, tapi mereka x tau kami menjalankan hubungan yang serius. Bila kami nak kahwin, mereka x bg. Apatah lagi bila mereka tau dia dah beristeri.
Finalist ustazah: apa perancangan kamu nanti? Adakah akan terus merahsiakan perkahwinan ini?
Perempuan: kami akan bagitau, slow2 pada ibu bapa. Saya nak family saya terima suami saya 'seadanya'."
There.
Seadanya. The word sounds simple enough, thrown in so commonly in conversations, i don't think people saying it even know what it really means.
'aku sayang dia, aku rela terima dia seadanya'.
'aku harap family aku boleh terima dia seadanya. Aku sayang sangat kat dia walaupun dia jahat macam tu'.
S.E.A.D.A.N.Y.A.
What does it really mean, anyway?
Seadanya atau untuk dienglishkan, accepting he/she as he/she is. Romantically viewed as loving someone so great you accept everything about him/her, flaws and goodness all in one.
But, in view of above situations, i personally think that being that romantic, using the word 'seadanya' operatively, can cause your life, blind you with witless passion and turn your back on your own parents, whose blessings are His Blessings. And so, when you turn your back on our Creator's Blessings, what will you get in your life?
I'm afraid it will be nothing but suffering and corruptions of both, marriage and family institutions, which happen so commonly nowadays, it's frightening.
Think about that before you say words so easily said without actual meaning. Choose wisely the words to say, choose wisely who do you want to spend the rest of your life with. Think. That's all i ask. Wallahualam.