Tuesday, December 15, 2009

black cat...

okay, not trying to be superstitious or anything, but a black cat just crossed the street on my way to work today, and it was two lanes per way street, mind you, and it went running right across, and when i say running, i mean it running very fast when cars were zooming by both ways (including mine)... and survived.
what does it make me, do you think? i mean, a black cat that lucky can't actually bring bad luck to people, can it? so, the saying when a black cat crosses your path, you'll expect something bad to happen kinda goes out the window, huh? i mean that black cat did cross my path, literally (or is it figuratively? whatever...)... heh. with a style too. i was laughing to myself watching it...
well, hm, maybe it was not a black cat after all. maybe it was a dark grey cat. or a black and white tompok-tompok cat.i wouldn't know for sure. like i said, it was running very fast, and i was driving, for God's sake, takkan nak stop in the middle of the right lane... kang jadi betul balik pulak the superstitious saying... heh...
but whatever... i say, you just make my day, cat.

Monday, December 14, 2009

lack of things 2 say...

yeah, yeah, i know... what am i doing with a blog if i'm not to use it, not to update it... but it's not for lack of trying, because God knows i tried... tried so hard to say something here.. just couldn't...ni tetiba mengupdate pun sebab tadi terbaca blog kawan... datang la aura nak update blog sendiri...
many things happen for the past month... (hah, it's been a month? already? kesian this blog...:)) but then, what happened was too huge to put into words...
no, i'm not married (rolling eyes)... is that the only reason why people don't have time to blog? because of the huge commitment? nooo... ramai je orang dah kawin boleh blogging...
ookay... apakehalnya keluar topik kawin pulak ni??
haa, yes, it's the wedding season... again... thinking back, i think wedding season macam tak de season la pulak sebenarnya... macam happen all year long je...
1 of my best friends got married,um, bila ye? terlupa pulak the exact date... never mind, but it was grand... surprisingly so, but then it took her six months to prepare (buat bunga pahar sendiri, from scratch tu, kagum betul aku dengan minah ni sorang), it should be a day to be remembered... so happy for her... seronok pergi wedding dia, because i felt myself getting into the event, sebab duduk rumah dia, spent the night, tolong pakaikan inai, tolong letak telur dalam bunga pahar, tolong kemas katil pengantin.. and yes, we still spent the night together on her wedding night...hahaha.. kesian the unfortunate groom... but then, we were happy...
i was happy... although masa tu fikiran ada juga pada that 'too-huge-to-put-into-words thing', which i'll tell you later, but then i can still feel the spirit of the party.. meriah siap ada bunga api kat langit lagi tuh!
then, last two days, another best friend got enggaged... i didn't go this time, and regretted it, but then jauh... and got another wedding here... but, yes Insya Allah, her wedding nanti memang kena pergi two days before and stayed two days after! heh!
so, tu la jadinya, i'm talking about weddings again... for lack of topics to talk about... seriously...
attending weddings kinda remind me of those long ago time when we, my family were preparing for weddings for my sis and bros... meriah... best... macam-macam kerenah... kinda make me remember back all those time watching my father doing the akad to the nervous grooms (my bros-in-law, now), kinda make me think when my time eventually come...
will he be there doing the akad too??
you see, that too-huge-to-put-into-words thing is about my father... he's not well these days...
he's been doing hospital-hopping for quite sometimes now, ada la jugak sampai dua bulan dah kot (hence the long time no update here)... ijn, hkl, kpj, kts... dah sampai serik dah pun dia nak duk hospital, especially gov hospital... and i, being a healthcare pro that i am, feel kinda helpless, because i don't know what else i can do for him... even the docs are still figuring out what is wrong with him... although the main reason is kinda obvious... his heart is troubling him... it has been like that for a long time, only now, it gets worse...
and you know, feeling helpless doesn't get you anywhere...
and of course, people will say, just be there with him, help him do whatever he needs to do, but guess what? that is easier, very, very much easier said than done... hm...
nice... i'm going from festive mood of weddings to depressing mood of hospital-hopping in split seconds... you would think i have a talent in writing...heh...peace out.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

why i liked nur kasih (note the past tense)

so, here goes... selepas sekian lama tak menjenguk blog, tetiba jenguk, nak buat topik ni la pulak.. why i liked nur kasih... okay, past tense? yeah, because i don't like it as much as i did before...
but to start with why i liked it in the first place... is because it's the first (i think, as far as i know) long drama on our national tv yg actually reveal out islamic theme.. mungkin banyak yg ada dekat tv9, or oasis, or apa lagi tu, but then it's the first (again, i think, sebab x byk sgt tgk national tv sebenarnya, byk lyn star movies, hbo) dekat tv3... yg sebelum ni duk menayang citer macam spaQ, matahari yg entah apa-apa motifnya... moral yg boleh diambik pun mekap la banyak2, lepas tu ngorat la sebanyak lelaki yg boleh.. what... the... hell...?
then, tetiba keluarla nur kasih... hv 2 admit, x tengok pun first episode, sebab x sedar pun kewujudannya... apabila sedar, terbit kagum itu di hati... haa... now a malay story which i can actually watch without cringing from make up and stupid dare-you-to-bite-me glances... now, here comes a malay story which we can actually learn something... debate something...now, at last...
senyap dah sekejap malay drama yang mengaku malay drama, tapi speaking omputih memanjang, pastu pakai baju yang dah bukan takat menjolok mata, dah mencolok mata, menonyoh mata, segala ada...i mean, come on la... ada budaya sendiri, buat la budaya sendiri... malay is a beautiful culture, yg nak pergi tiru drama mexican, spanish venezuala tu buat hapa??
buat penat tahan muka nak mekap sejam...
so, berbalik pada nur kasih... put aside the actress/actor confession yg dia orang tak amalkan pun sepertimana cerita (that's their prob, x yah kisah), it's a nice story... typical romance, yeah, but islamic... that's what counts... romantic gaya islamiah... memang sahabat Nabi pernah cerita pun Rasulullah was a romantic husband, so it's not wrong...
plot dia pada mulanya macam tak boleh agak, tapi towards the end dah macam boleh nampak... even my brother pun dah fed-up, and i think for most part, he's right... so, here comes the part why i don't like it that much anymore...
this is what my bro complained: kenapa la nur tu lembik sangat? heh, susah sangat nak buat keputusan nak terima balik adam ke tak... well, tu namanya nak panjangkan cerita...
then, kisah katrina yang tergantung sekejap: x tau la kot-kot i'm missing the episode, but how did she transform herself so drastically? just because she had cirrhosis? no... tengok macam way before that... so when? then, the fact that she could change just proved that adam was not a good enough husband for her.. sebab tak boleh ajar dia betul2.. tinggal bodo je pergi kejar si nur... that is kinda irresponsible of him, in my opinion...
then, sara: kenapa la minah yang sorang ni tak sedar-sedar lagi? a good man is for a good woman, and vice versa... and i think a good islamic story should make a villain (aka sara) change for good.. ni nampak gayanya, macam tak tukar-tukar lagi... duk kacau, fitnah si alya dengan aidil pulak...
ending, okay, happy for adam and nur... but, seriously, i'm sad for katrina... okay, some people might say, it's what she deserves, but come on la... she's changed... and anyone changed for good deserves a second chance, ey? i prefer my ending of the story... and this is it: she found a good enough man yang tak give up bimbing dia, and so dia mintak cerai dengan adam nak kahwin dengan mamat tu... eh, well, maybe the word cerai is taboo for the drama, but hey, happy ending for her too... apa la nak buat sangat dia sakit, then mati... adam dulu minum arak jugak.. silap-silap ada jugak cirrhosis mamat tu, cuma tak detect lagi... ambik kau, sad ending for every1, except for alya and aidil... on second thought, okay jugak.. dah nur pun lembik sangat, adam pun tak cukup adil (walau berapa banyak kali dia cakap dia try), sara pun dah jahat sangat, sad ending je la untuk dia orang.. senang... boleh buat second season...
heh, will i watch the next season? no. too predictable... now, i can say i only watch it only when there's nothing better on star movies or hbo...
wanna know why i prefer those two stations? sebab dia orang tak hipokrit... they are american channels, so they show american or occasionally british stories... that's their culture and they are proud to show them...
kita punya channel tv still merangkak lagi nak show they are proud of our culture, tak kisah la banyak mana pun dia siar lagu-lagu kebangsaan... end up yg ditengok adalah cerita, dah kalau cerita pun duk tiru budaya luar, tak ke fed up...? hm....
enough said. babai.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

got stopped by a police traffic today...

ihih, got stopped by a police traffic today... sebab memotong kat lane traffic lite yg patutnya turn rite je...dahla memang dah nampak dah polis tu sebelum tu duk tahan dua orang mamat motor... even before that, sebab dah perabis duit belanja orang yang tolong buat turun kanopi untuk pameran kenali ubat anda tadi, dapat gak instinct memang kalau kena tahan polis n saman on the spot, memang tak terkata apa sebab serius duit tinggal syiling je... tu pun tak banyak... sekali kena tahan betul... memangla instinct waktu tu gila rasa semacam je...
cuak jugak rasa, tapi boleh buat selamba lagi... masa enchek polis mintak lesen, boleh lagi tipu kata tak perasan lane tu untuk turn rite je... enchek polis siap cakap tergezut tengok pompuan, ingatkan laki yg bawak berdecung...hehehe...or his actual word, jate... (kelantan for jantan)...
time dia suh keluar keta n mintak ic, dah siap buat muka comey, rayu boleh tak bagi warning je dulu, janji tak buat dah (for the time being)...
hehe, n enchek polis mengalah...kihkih...siap ty dah ada boypren belum...ish ish ish..takde soalan lain sungguh pakcik ni... pakcik, pakcik, soalan tu memang susah nak jawab... jawab dah ada kan, jadi menipu... jawab takde kan, macam menggatal pulak... nasib baik pakcik dah tua... saya bagi senyum-senyum sumbing jela pakcik ye, tak menjawab soalan... pakcik enchek polis tu pahamla kot...
pastu boleh lagi sembang dengan enchek polis tu pasal h1n1 sampai dekat 5 minit...dia ty situasi kat kuala berang... cakapla masih terkawal walaupun memang dah ada kes... kat dungun je teruk, bagitau dia.. dia ty pasal marang, sebab dia kije situ gak or something like that, cakapla tak dengar lagi kes... dia ty lagi pasal vaccine, cakapla patutnya dia pergi cucuk... tapi kena gi cucuk klinik swasta la n kena bayar... x surela polis ada peruntukan x untuk free vaccine... patutnya adalah, sian pakcik-pakcik polis yg duk deal dengan orang ramai tiap-tiap hari... high risk jugak tu...hm, entahla... suh pakcik tu ty pejabat dia ada tak budget untuk polis macam dia, kesianla pulak rasa...
dia ty pulak no phone, konon nak call supaya boleh ty pasal ubat, cakap suh dia call spital...hehehe.. dia gelak...
lepas macam tu je... so, from what i expected 2 b a bad experience, jadi macam kelakar n bestla pulak...hehehe...improve my mood for the day... good..good... want 2 share that with u...hehehe...
n for the time being, x memotongla kut situ kot... kotla... tapi kalau lane sebelah tu lembap betap sangat, potong jugak... tapi kena make sure no cop on sightla...kihkih... second time won't b a warning anymore...have 2 remember that!!

Monday, August 3, 2009

induksi 17th till 30th july 2009...

kursus 2 minggu... memang expectation waktu tu bosan sangap ngantuk mamai mamun apa segala ada la...lepas tu ada exam pulak at the end of the session...memang gile stress, tertekan, tension, mension segalala...lepas tu majority dengan docs pulak...lagila imagine tahap skema, nerdy, geeky, ntah apa-apa lagila... nasib baik ada ramai geng-geng lama... boleh kasi havoc sikit...
and memang jadi havoc pun...kihkihkih...
agaknya dalam fikiran doc-doc tu mesti duk fikir yang bebudak farmasi ni takde kerja lain, duk meriuhkan suasana, mencapap situ sini, hu-ha tak tentu kala, bertepuk tampar selamba, bergurau tak hingat dunia jela kerjanya...well, hello there, mister, we did learn pharmacology, we did learn diseases, and whatever the hell else, and we do work like crazy, we do care for patients, we do have to do this, and that and whetever the heck else, cuma tak boleh diagnose je and memang tak reti pun...but, here's the but... we still know how to have fun la...
and it was fun... the kursus, i mean...unexpectedly so, surprisingly so, but it was...
rupanya x sume docs geeky, nerdy, skemala...at last, they impressed me... not much, but the fact that they did is quite enough...
maybe helped by a fact that bebudak farmasi ni duk provoke nak have fun je...x kisah orang nak kata apa, jadi diaorang si docs ni pun dah tak boleh terkata apa, terikut jugak sikit2...
alrightla tu... boleh kenal doc yg pandai joget gelek2 ala kartun kucing kuning dalam iklan digi tu...nak pecah perut gelak sebab dia sorang... doc yg cute pakai topi terbalik berlakon jadi budak spoiled...jadi pulak tu... doc yg ada bakat berkaraoke, kalah aznil dalam jangan lupa lirik... doc yang rock, bawak myvi pecut 120km/hr tengah2 on the way nak gi jerteh... laju siot terasa...baru aku tau...selama ni aku bawak 120 enjoy je...hah, ambik kau, baru terasa bila jadi penumpang laju 120 tengah jalan 1 way tu macam mana...kalau highway tak heran pulak...
so, kesimpulannya, it was fun...one of the memories i'll treasure 4eva...cewah...
and still, bebudak farmasi memang suka mencapap...malam mesra mencapap lagi dengan koir trademark kenali ubat anda...hehehe...well, we're one hell of a strong group...just want to show them that...we clicked together nicely, tak pernah terputus lagi setakat ni Alhamdulillah, walau masing2 dah kerja kat ceruk mana entah...tu yang nak tunjuk kat docs ni... when u have fun with ur friends once in a while, u'll find the bond grows stronger... and u'll remember it with a big smile on ur face... like i do now...
all the best, geng, miss u!

just 2 prove i'm not the only one dreaming...

I have dreamed in my life, dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they have gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind.

Emily Bronte (1818-1848)

there, emily bronte the great poet pun dreaming gak... basically that's what great authors or writers do...dream...that's where they get their inspiration, their vast imagination...i'm trying to learn how 2 do that...

it's easy 2 dream... u can dream on and on and on and on... but 2 turn that dream into something real, something not just imagination, something not just fantasy tu yang payah, susah, sukar, hard, difficult,complicated... it's not impossible, i get that now, but not so easy a possibility either...

it requires a lot of efforts, a lot of perahan minda, a lot of stressful thinking, a lot of time in the quiet of the night or early morning...it requires patience...and that is something i do not get easily...

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

so, i might be a lil' bit jealous...

hm... previously, this was what i said basically... am happy to be single, enjoy making new friends, meet new people, anticipate the unexpected turn of event around the corner and bla... bla...bla... well, maybe that anticipation is a lil bit overdue... and i might be a lil bit losing my patience here... i mean, yeah, i've been hearing this way before, ever since matrix, that patience is bitter while its result is sweet, but damn, i have to repeat what i once wrote in my journal... that patience is playing on my nerves now, very bitterly...
the right guy might come along... or might not... shall i wait forever? or shall i settle with the second best? damn... i don't even know who the hell is the second best... not that sure anymore, anyway...
so, here goes... another friend of mine is getting married this august... she's this quiet girl in class, always smiling ever so sweetly, but never say a word that could be defined as nonsense...she's this kind of quiet girl who you'll never think would get married so easily, but, well, she will... nice... congrats to her... which brought me to think...
i was considered the loud girl in class, basically, the obnoxious one who tend to do things that drew people's attention, whether it was something likable or not... damn, how i wish i knew how to keep my mouth shut, or to be a bit more subdued or reserved or even quiet...
but then, that wouldn't be me... and i'm happy with the fact that i know who i am and how i am and happy with it...
now, then, why am i jealous of that quiet, nice girl?hah, yeah, because she's getting married, and i'm not...
nice, and i have to admit i'm not even ready to get married. i don't even know how to cook, for God's sake, and i'm jealous of my friend who's getting married!
it kind of twisting my mind for a bit... maybe i'm having a hormonal imbalance rite now... i might laugh my head off reading this later and delete it, but here goes... contradictory to what i wrote in june (i think,)i am jealous of my friends who are married...
there, it's out of my head... laugh your head off, now, i know you want to... till i do the same and delete this, ciao!!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

LOA...

seriously... memang pelik sejak minggu lepas asyik takde selera nak makan... loss of appetite, LOA, yang takde explanation...tapi takde seteruk masa kena denggi dulu...boleh je makan, tapi tulah, makan macam makan plastik...tak de perisa, tak de rasa, tak de enjoy... nothing... fed up pun ade...
until last weekend... pergi KL, ada classmates kawin (yup, you're telling me...wedding season yang tak habis-habis lagi)... berubah angin... dah okey sikit selera...
and then, the next day, pergi beli laptop baru...hm, hari apa ye? ahad, 28th june 2009... kononnya nak cari acer pink, takde dah... tu limited edition... so belilah acer aspire 4736, instead... with original vista...rm2400...gile...dulu dekat rm4000 satu laptop, dapat barang free pun dua je... sekarang with that almost half the price, barang free pulak tambah sampai tujuh...ish..ish..ish..
and, miraculously, selera datang balik...ihih...aku sedey sampai macam tu sekali ke sebab takde laptop? tak sedar pun...kihkihkih...
so, moral of the story...my laptop is my love... aduhai...takde benda bernafas ke yang aku boleh love sampai macam tu?
hah, that question takde lagi jawapannya dalam skema...
till next time, ciao!

nice quote...

Wherever God erects a house of prayer,
The Devil always builds a chapel there:
And 'twill be found, upon examination;
The latter has the largest congregation.

Daniel Defoe (1660-1731)

i just quoted that from the gadget...nanti esok dia dah tukar lain...but i really like this one... it makes you think, don't you think?it's true, though... don't you think so?

memang dah sejak dari kejadian Adam dan Hawa lagi dah, setan dah janji nak porak perandakan umat manusia... dan memang dia orang berjaya je most of the time... Astaghfirullahal'azim...

Friday, June 19, 2009

a tribute to my laptop...

saying goodbye is never easy... be it to a person, to a childhood memory, to a pet, a teddy bear, a whatever else you hold so dear to your heart...and it's not easy for me to say it to my laptop...
yup,it's broken, or more specifically, its screen is half-blank. and you know laptop... the most expensive parts of it for repair are the screen and the motherboard.over 1000 ringgit nak baiki, baik beli baru. tu pun kalau ada spare partnye, and i've asked. my laptop is five years old and 1 month (and berapa hari ntah) and its screen is those big ones you got a few years ago... spare part is hard to get by, if there is any at all... so there... it's gone... finally... after five years...isk...
my laptop... one of the few things hard for me to say goodbye to...
iyola... dah segala-galanya dicurahkan di situ. first time beli, i think it was on 29th april 2004. second year pharmacy uitm... time tu dah start nak kena buat presentation bertimbun-timbun, dan baru dapat duit tunggakan jpa, so spend it on the best thing ever... a laptop...
dan bukan setakat presentation je yang dibuat di situ... curahan hati... and my first ever finished-but-not-yet-published novel... thesis...curahan hati lagi...second novel attempt.. and third... and forth and fifth... and it's gone...
teringat zaman-zaman bersuka ria main game dynomite, and spongebob and all others... zaman-zaman melayan one tree hill kat screennya yang beso itu, meleleh air mata layan hindustan and other movies...God, i miss those memories... and that laptop shared them with me all the way...isk...
and its one damned good one too. jarang betul buat hal... wireless internet ok je, walaupun tak laju sangat... download lagu pun jalan je...burn lagu pun olrait je... cume kadang-kadang tersekat kalau nak play dvd pirate... tapi tu memang boleh agakla...reboot pun dua kali je dalam 5 tahun ni... first time kat computer lab fakulti, masuk virus.. second time pun sebab masuk virus jugak, by someone yang dah tak bertegur sapa dengan aku...isk, tu lagi satu masalah, tapi malas nak pikiaq dah...
it's hard to say goodbye...damn.. i even called it my baby...
so here it is... a tribute to my laptop... nowhere else to write it to, except at this blog... so i can read it over and over and reminisce old memories...dan untuk siapa-siapa yang terngigau mamai terbaca blog ni, here it is... my curahan hati for my laptop... dear baby, i'm going to miss you so damned much!!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

real life of once a pharmacy student:life goes on...

and at the same time...
duk buat citer ni jugak... sequel for the previous one...
gila mantap, konon buat 2 citer dalam satu masa. each tak siap pun lagi 1/10...
tapi yang ni memang purely imagination...
entahla... cukup kuat ke otak nak berfikir semua benda, imagine itu dan ini? cukup kuat ke semangat nak hantar untuk publish bila dan jika sudah siap nanti? cukup kuat ke hati nak menanggung kritikan, tohmahan, pujian orang?
wallahualam...
sungguhla rasa gerun, gentar, nervous, almost to the point of breaking down...
ya Allah, tolongla hamba-Mu ini...

real life of pharmacy students:the drama

tercetuslah sebuah cerita...
bersumber inspirasikan sebuah kisah...
akan sempurnakah sebuah hikayat...
hm...ntahla...
kalau ikutkan hati, ikutkan otak yang duk mengingat itu ini, ikutkan pengaruh buku-buku citer yang tertimbun dah dibaca dan belum dibaca, maybe akan terjadila suatu cerita ini...
tapi entahla... kuatkah diri ini nak meneruskan?tabahkah hati ini nak menerima kritikan?
Wallahualam...
time ni memang rasa berkobar-kobar, dah berangan-angan reaksi kengkawan bila selesai membaca kisah ini, tapi mampuke nak menyempurnakannya?
ya Allah, tolongla hamba-Mu ini...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

flightless bird

listening to this song from twilight ost rite now.hm, wondering, if i'm like that... sometimes feeling so restless, yet so trapped by an invisible strand, holding me tightly back. a bird who can't fly...kesian...
but then, even if this bird can fly, it has no direction...yet...
where to go from here... what to do when i get there...will i come back from there...will i stay there or here...
this flightless bird asks these questions over and over...
and yet it still has not found an answer...

Saturday, June 13, 2009

dating...

hm, not that i do it often... ni baru first time buat pun, dah terasa tak nak buat dah... yela, i thought i can make friends with a man who can share my thoughts and actually be smarter than me, but then...
aish, rasa macam keluar dengan adik angkat je...
so, points to ponder... blind date seems good, when the guy's mature enough to walk a step behind you, seat you before he sits, and he talks about things that you feel comfortable to talk about and actually have some good points himself. it seems like the definite thing when you can almost feel the chemistry sizzling in the air...and it takes flight from there...
but for the time being, for me, none, zero, nada, nil...
seriously, i admit it now, i'm way too choosy...
tapi salah ke kalau nak at least someone who can speak english with me once in a while, without me cringing at his wrong grammar?
yup, way too picky...heard you...and i don't care...
sue me!
well, at least he paid for the food...hm...

Thursday, June 11, 2009

imagination...

hm...imagination...the very thing that helps me to keep on breathing day by day... that keeps me going...what is it, exactly? for me, its kinda simple. imagination, can make you run and hide, can make you stop and ponder your life, can make you smile in the darkest of time...
its definition, unlike its application, is a bit more complex... it can go very broad, as broad as it goes when you're building that castle in the air...
its daydreaming to its highest decree...you can imagine things and it actually happens... that's not daydreaming... you can imagine things and it's impossible to happen, that's daydreaming...
so, as i pinch myself here and there, trying very bruisily (that's not a word, i made it up, to sound even more complex, it just means with bruises) to imagine things and still keep my feet firmly on the ground, i ask myself, what the heck are you trying to do?
i mean, so okay, i daydream, a lot (hence the blog's title), but some i can actually put in writing and it helps to put myself into different perspective. a variety of perspective...i can call myself a writer, i can call myself a dreamer, i can call myself a loner, i can call myself an imaginer (hah, that sounds so like engineer, hehehe, another new word for you), i can call myself a creator... i can call myself me... that's me...
i won't be anywhere without my imagination. i would just be there, doing routines so painstakingly regular and boring and i would die...seriously... that's why i said imagination helps to keep on going...
as much as i blame it for my constant daydreaming, i'm actually thankful for it...i mean, heck, i won't be here if i don't have imagination, see? it inspired me to write this, right?
oh, wait a minute. did i just confuse inspiration with imagination?can they be possibly the same thing?hm...
whatever, inspiration or imagination...i wish i'll have it always...however spaced out it made me be, i think it makes me a bigger person too.it broadens my mind, and helps keep the neurons intact and active, and it's theoretically and scientifically proven that it can decrease the risk of senility (is that even a word? i just meant senile, or nyanyuk)... so there you go...
what more reason do you need to be thankful for it?

Monday, June 8, 2009

pengerusi bukak sebut harga

seriously... macam-macam jawatan pelik yang aku dapat kat hosp baru ni. punyala gerun dengar perkataan pengerusi tu, tapi rupanya kerja cop and sign je... pastu kira...hih, anak sedare aku yang umur 4 tahun pun blh buat. tapi sungguhla, aku dah rasa cukup dah aku menyumbangkan autograph aku ni to last for a lifetime.... senang-senangla, tapi kalut jugak kalau dah ade 4 tender nak ditengok. setiap satu tu ade dalam 7 hingga sebelas different companies, and every different company tu nak kena kira and then cop and sign for about eight pages each... cuba try darab? dah dapat berapa dah autograph i ari ni?mata dah rasa kelabu mamai semacam, tengok tulisan sendiri pun dah rasa macam tulisan alien...
hah, pastu ari kamis ni kena present kat cme pulak... baru dapat tau ari ni pulak tu... memang nak kena cepukla penyelaras tu. kang aku taram present tajuk i really want to sleep rite now baru tahu...
ape nak present ni? treatment h1n1 olrait gak...hm, tengokla nanti...esok mintak leaflet ngan yeo... buat masa ni dah tak tau nak kata ape... mata masih terbayang-bayang signature aku tadi. sungguhla, kalau buat cop signature macam prof bakar tu pun olrait gak... tapi kang disalahguna oleh orang ramai lak, mati aku...
serious dah tak tau nak cakap apa... hm...
aaa...eee...ooo...iii...uu...okayla... dah mamai...ciao!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

wedding season...

seriously...sementangla sekarang ni cuti sekolah, sume orang duk taram kawin je ye...
okay, i might want to rephrase that, it sounded way overboard with jealousy, but the heck with it, what if i am truly jealous?
who wouldn't b, when u're in ur mid twenties?but then when i think back, look back and ponder back, i'm not that jealous...
oh, yeah, i do want to find some1 that i will spend the rest of my life with, some1 who can bring back my magic carpet and fly me back into the judith mcnaught's zone, but hey, guess what? i'm not ready...
nope, not yet, and i wouldn't find it weird if it's not ever...
i dunno... it kind of hard 2 tell... everything is up to Him...
i think i'm not ready yet... iyola, calon xdak satu hal... that's kind of my fault, but really, i won't say i'm picky, exactly,or choosy, whatever the term... but then, what do u expect? u want to spend the rest of ur life with a guy u've never known b4... a girl has every right to be choosy and picky and whatever else the term is...and we live in a place where there's hardly a variety of choices to pick from...
i mean its like girl to guy ratio is 4 to 1 or becoming 5 to 1 or sumthing like that...how do u expect us girls to choose? we got our competitions breathing down our necks, circling our waists and stepping us on our heads...how the heck do we choose?
bak kate addin shah dalam aA+bB novel tu, xkan nk kutip je ntah jejaka mane kat tepi2 jalan... tapi dh kat tengah jalan pun dh penuh dgn ladies, sometime a girl will go down to desperate measure...
tapi Alhamdulillah, aku x sampai lagi sedesperate itu... dan mintak2 la xkan terjebak sampai camtu sekali... still waras lagi...
dan memang malas nak pikir pun...
kalau ade, adela...
n anyway, tak terase pun layak diri ni nak buat komitment terbesar dalam hidup tu... iyela, x cukup kriteria lagi ni... domestic chores pun tunggang langgang, banyak yang aci mak buatkan...
masak pun malas, dan most of the time main campak aje ntah ape2, yang basic pun ntah boleh buat ke x...boleh nak jage anak orang camtu?eish...
so, kesimpulannye, even though its wedding season, all the best and congratulation to my fwens who're getting married, i'm happy as i am... and very glad that i can say that without cringing...
i'm happy that i'm single, can do whatever i want and be friends with whomever I choose...
i can enjoy my work, enjoy meeting new people who become friends, enjoy mengarut kat blog ni and enjoy waiting in anticipation for a surprise around the corner...
so, jealous or not i might be,i know there are people out there who's jealous of me enjoying my life rite now...
hahaha... peace out...

Friday, May 29, 2009

i love 2 read...

okay, so here goes, my next passion... i'm keeping true to my promise, see?
i love 2 read, i really do...i guess being born in a family of teachers as parents really engraved in you that particular interest. but seriously,i remembered when i was in primary school i used to like reading malay short stories in magazines, could finish a whole book of translated enid blyton's series in a day and started to read complicated short stories from those highly literated dewan sastera, dewan siswa,
bla...bla...bla...
and then i remembered when i was twelve or thirteen years old, my eldest sister gave me my first english novel as a birthday present. anne of green gables. she gave that particular book to me since i love watching the story so much on tv. but then i couldn't really read it yet, because it was a thick book and i didn't come from an english-spoken family.
but then when i was in form 3, i had this teacher, an english teacher who really helped me to love english more and that sister of mine, bless her, kept on buying me english novels, this time a francine pascal's sweet valley series, and before you knew it i was hooked. i was tightly, unavoidably and irreversibly hooked on the language and fell madly in love with it... hahaha... i wish i could say the same for a man...
but anyway, so there went my journey in discovering this particular passion of mine... i ended up buying a complete set of anne of green gables series and more sweet valley series, even my sister, instead of buying them, she borrowed them from me and when i was finishing secondary school, she introduced more books. this time, judith mcnaught's... hahaha... i know what you're thinking... because of judith, i could shamelessly call myself a hopeless romantic...
well, you couldn't possibly help it... that's what a novel does to you... it opens up a whole new world (Aladin and his magic carpet flew into my mind rite now) of imaginations, hopeless dreams, hopeful wishes, dashing heroes and dazzling heroines kept grinning at you in your head, tempting you to dream and dream and there goes my imagination... flown away so far, even Aladin's magic carpet couldn't catch up...
and not just judith, there's also jane austen, although i couldn't really finish up pride and prejudice and i've bought persuasion for almost a year and still did not read it but i pretty much know the stories.
it's a habit i have, you see... i tend to read the synopsis of the story, a little bit of the beginning and i zoom straight to the end... everytime i go to buy books, i do that... it's like breaking the rule of reading or something, but that's just the way i am...
so,back to reading, not only judith and jane who caught me, there was also once upon a time when i went to buy a whole series of meg cabot's, the chick flicks of a particular shopaholic by sophie kinsella and much more down-to-earth reality fiction by cecelia ahern...
but then i remembered once upon time i used to read a book entitled princess by jean sasson in my school library... a story of a brave Arabian princess trying to change her tradition... i ended up buying the book and its two sequels... and i started to read more reality stories...
and it turned out i love those dynasty sort of stories... i read last empress of china by anchee min and was impressed by this small woman who held such power over a dynasty known to be the most powerful in its era... and now i'm collecting knowledge on the tudor's famous queens and its particular dissatisfied king, Henry the eighth, written in a few books by philippa gregory...
but i have to admit, just like the case from anne of green gables, my interest in that particular kingdom started from a movie, the other boleyn girl, based on a book with the same title by phillipa... so i ended up buying the book and reading it and there i go again... tightly bound and head over heels in love... damn, really wish i could say that for a man...
never mind that, but now, judith mcnaught's seem a million miles away... i mean, yes, she wrote great stories, really did sweep me off my feet, and hey she gained bestsellers after bestsellers... and yes, i read more historical romances too, not just hers...
but really, how long could you live by depending on a fairytale ending to color your life which might or might not happen truly?
so, now basically, my hopeless romantic self had turned into a bitter devil-may-care self...
it's just my way of sticking to the ground, my way of trying to bring me back to reality whenever i dream out loud in silence too much, my way of telling myself over and over and over that my life is not and never would be a story book, let alone one with a fairy tale ending...
the reality in those books i read now, anchee min's, phillipa gregory's, jean sasson's caught me back to the ground and slammed that Aladin's carpet pretty much back to where it belongs... those books were real, and they scarcely ended happily...most of them ended with tragedies and these were stories of great people, of princesses and queens, much like disney's cinderella and sleeping beauty and snow white, but they were real. they did live. and their lives were so colorful and some of their deaths were so painstakingly abrupt and terrible, it got me thinking...
seriously... is fairy tale real? the answer is a hard no... it's a tale of fairy, for heaven's sake, and do we have fairies buzzing around us rite now? nope.
so, okay, i read romances, chick flicks for the fun of it... i read real life stories for the lesson in them... and i learned a lot... seriously...
so, what i'm trying to say is (gosh, really, after this long lecture, you would think i have already said what i wanted to say) that i love to read...
i've come a long way to appreciate this particular passion i have... it teaches me a lot of things and still do...and i have to admit i learn more from story books and novels than i could ever learn from pharmacology textbook or guidelines of antibiotics...
these textbooks and guidelines tell you hard theories, something you couldn't avoid, something you have to take point blank without argument, but with novels or story books, particularly those real life story ones, they tell you hidden lessons, something you have to think over before you can decide on, something about life...
simple as it may sound, novels and story books i read teach me about life...
and i found new novels teaching me about life too. this time, surprisingly, the novels are in malay, written by a malaysian as ebooks before she/he (i seriously suspect it's a she, from her blog) published them through
http://www.jemariseni.com/... hlovate was her pen name and although what she'd written could be called romances in its own wicked way, they teach quite a tremendous lessons of life... i seriously want to meet her... because from her one particular book, aA+bB, i could say i was hooked, tightly, unavoidably and irreversibly bound, and fell madly and hopelessly and head over heelsly in love with a man...hah, finally, i could say that... sadly, this man is not real...a hero in a book (and in this case, it's Benz Alif Sulaiman from that book) can never be real...
if i'm lucky, and i mean, very, very, very lucky, i get to meet a man like him...the way hlovate portrayed him to be in that book is the way, the very traits i look for in a man, all this time i've been searching...and i haven't found one yet... i found it in a book, instead, in a work of fiction and i realize i'm not the only one then looking for a man like that... hlovate, if she's truly a girl is the same as me, if she hasn't already found one...
so rite on, i really want to meet her... and the real life honest-to-goodness version of Benji...
so here goes, my passion of reading... it got me something, didn't it?hm...

Thursday, May 28, 2009

kursus kaunseling metadon

hm, seeing that title almost made me laugh out loud. cam kelakar tengok tajuk skema semacam kat blog main2 i ni... but anyway, for those yg x tau, kursus is well, a kursus, which is basically an education session that might take a whole day to accomplish or 2 weeks at the most (from what i heard, if longer than that, dah x panggil kursus, baik panggil kuliah, or kelas or the most boring thing in the world or hm, whatever)...kuikui...and kaunseling...
well, kaunseling atau nk ejaan omputihnye, counseling, is basically a session between 2 or more people to handle things one person can't handle it alone... that was basically what i can conclude from the kursus yg pada mulenye malas gile nk pergi, but end up pergi jd bestla plak... but the best part tu sebab die byk fokus on the counseling technique in general, not only for methadone clients, tu yg best.. kalau focus on methadone client je, mau nk muntah hijau ku dibuatnye...
so, what the hell is methadone?
methadone is a harm reduction, and i repeat, harm reduction treatment for drug addicts...there, simple, to the point, and serve the purpose. bukan ape nk repeat sgt harm reduction part tu, tapi tu yg dibrainwashed kan pada kami yg pergi kursus (kursus lagi!) pendispensan methadone dolu2 tu... dan diaorg nk sgt ckp harm reduction sebab, kat malaysia setakat ni xde lg yg betul2 pulih from drug addiction selepas ambik methadone... so nk cover, ckpla harm reduction, instead of really a curing treatment... tp tula sebenarnye... x pastila methadone ni betul2 blh x menyembuhkan drug addiction... byk studies kate boleh, in theory kate boleh, in reality? Wallahualam... harap2 bolehla...
kalau nak harapkan harm reduction, it wasn't because of methadone alone... this is where counseling plays a major role sebenarnye... kalau nk harapkan diaorg datang minum kat depan pharmacist every day for at least 2 years, naik muak jugak diaorg... buatnye lagi tgk muke pharmacist yg muncung masam macam i ni... lgla x mau... so, ape yg blh buat diaorg lekat, besides the fact that methadone is free kat hosp n klinik kerajaan, yela, dah x yah perabih duit beli dadah kat luar, is counseling.
so, from pharmacist's part, x byk pun yg boleh dikaunsel... setakat side effects, interaction tu bolehla... but the rest? counsellorla...pharmacist x leh nk memandai-mandai kalau dh bukan bidang die...
tapi this kursus helps jugakla... simple2 things, bile diaorg datang ngadu benda bukan ubat,at least blhla tahan dengar je... masuk telinge kanan, laju berdesup kuar kut kiri... kadang2 tu x sempat kuar kut kiri pun, kuar kut kanan balik... but then, tula teknik kaunseling yg paling powerful... listening... attentively... dh habis kuar sume aduan, dan dh beredar pun org yg mengadu, dh x ingat ape dh org yg diadu... but then, even us, when we talk 2 someone and she/he listens, we feel relieved already, at least a bit... so tu kire dh tolong dh...
n this kursus helps that way... i mean, bukan klien methadone je yg perlu dikaunsel... org2 lain pun in our everyday life.. even we ourselves. so this kursus helps to calm our mind, make us listen 2 those voices in our head more attentively and those art techniques really were damned fun!
so basically, dari x nak,menyampah, alergi nak pergi kursus kaunseling ni, jadi suke and enjoyla pulak...
tapi, in the methadone clients' punye kes, kalau buatnye diaorg anjur kursus untuk methadone je, ade i lari berdesup dengan kelajuan lagi laju dari halaju cahaya! hehehe... tamaula... bosanla...
hah, nak kena brainwash lagi kut...tamau!!kesimpulannye, x sampai lagi tahap nk betul2 tolong diaorg ni... ntahle, dh byk sangat kot tengok yang rosak, naik fedup pun ade...
serious, memang nak kena brainwash lagi...

Sunday, May 24, 2009

New Divide...

by Linkin Park...great song, wonderful lyrics...

I remembered black skies
The lightning all around me
I remembered each flash
As time began to blur
Like a startling sign
That fate had finally found me

And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

So give me reason
To prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the thoughts cross
The distance in your eyes
Give me reason
To fill this hole
Connect the space between
Let it fill up to reach the truth and lies
Across this new divide

There was nothing inside
The memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide
The ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in
Between where we were standing

And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

So give me reason
To prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the thoughts cross
The distance in your eyes
Across this new divide

And every loss and every lie
And every truth that you deny
And each regret and each goodbye
Was a mistake too great to hide

And your voice was all I heard
But I get what I deserve

So give me reason
To prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the thoughts cross
The distance in your eyes
Give me reason
To fill this hole
Connect the space between
Let it fill up to reach the truth and lies
Across this new divide


Across this new divide
Across this new divide

Thursday, May 21, 2009

i love 2 write...

well, in case you haven't already grasped that fact from my very long essay of ferraris and my babbling, here it is. i love 2 write.it's my passion too.i have many, believe me, and from time 2 time i'll tell u about it.
there's something fulfilling and releasing about writing, don't you think? i even believe i express myself better in writing than i ever do in a speech.
when i get angry i write poems of anger and that kinda cool me. when i get depressed i write dark, gothic poems and cry in the bathroom and that soothes me. when i get happy or inspired, i write poems of wisdoms or a whole novel or a draft for it and i smile like an idiot reading them back. when i get bored, i read back what i wrote and thought back on the reasons i wrote them in the first place and that brought along bittersweet memories.
so, what i'm saying is, writing is something precious. sacred, even.not many people are gifted to write with many adjectives and get bestsellers from it.not me. but at least, i get relieved from it. and i get happy.
anyway, that's the point of a blog, right? for us to write and write and write and write... the only way for us, losers at public speaking, to express ourselves in a different, but equally effective way.
that's the point of facebook, myspace, friendster... we write to keep in touch with friends. voicecalls seem like a million years away. but hey, i still call my friends when i miss listening to their voices and happy chatters. but most of the time, sms or instant messaging is my way of showing my friends that i miss them.
and that is another precious gift, we have, dear readers. our friends. that's my passion too, but that, is to be continued...

my ferraris...

okay, first, i don't have real ferraris...that would be an awfully wealthy of me if i even have one real ferrari, so no i don't have a ferrari. not the real-life size one, anyway.only miniatures.
and i arrange them nicely on the dashboard of my car. which is not a ferrari, mind you, but a mere myvi. a special edition myvi which i named baby white.and i still love that little tiny car of mine as if it's a ferrari. and sometimes (i lied, most of the times, actually)i push it to break the limit as if it's actually a ferrari.hahaha...
so, back 2 my ferraris.there are a few reasons why i put them in my car.
first, i want to make the impression that my car is not really a lady's car, which i am. (a lady, i mean, not a car).most ladies tend to put a whole lot of stuffed animals, flowers, cute throw pillows, remarks like 'this car belongs 2 a princess' or something like that in their car as decorations, but those are too girly and too risky, in my opinion. we ladies have 2 admit we don't know that much about cars and the opposite sex tend to bully (or pretend to help us knowing cars) us about it. and if people (with bad intention) suspect that a car belongs to a woman, they tend to go forward with their intention. if they doubt the owner, they'll have a second thought about harming it. so basically, my little ferraris are protecting and providing the security for my little real-life size myvi. that's the first.
second, they are more like of a symbolic figure. we know ferraris are fast cars and i have 2 admit, i drive fast. well, at least for a lady.my ferraris are my way of telling people that BEWARE, this girl knows how 2 speed. and having to travel 45 minutes back and forth to work everyday, i'm gaining a whole lotta of experience with it. and a whole lotta of curious glances from it. but, the hell with it, i enjoy driving and i enjoy speeding. as long as i'm still careful and as alert as a panther, i'll be fine, God willing.
and third, well, i just gave u my third reason.i love driving. ferraris are for people who enjoy driving so i'm one of them. they symbolize that for me. my passion.hah! that used to be myvi's motto. it's a passion. hehehe.it really is.
so, there u go. about my ferraris... ni agak2 boleh masuk tak dalam syllibus karangan SPM? panjang semacam je ek?kuikuikui...

dreaming out loud...

okay, why dreaming out loud? aside from the fact that i love most of onerepublic's songs under the album with that same name, i truly am dreaming out loud. in silence. hehehe... daydreaming and imagining things and telling stories in my head are what i do most of the time from the second i wake up from sleep to the second i go back to it. and when i sleep, here i go again, dreaming... so it's what i do, basically.as long as i am still breathing.
and what i do here, apparently. i'm trying to just dream out loud.full stop. not in silence. but it's not an easy task 2 do. because basically, people won't believe for a minute what i tell myself in my head.and i don't have the guts enough (yet, i presume) to just dream out loud.full stop. so, here i am babbling what is not in my head, because those, those, are still not believable enough to be out from the silence...
abisla sape2 yg bace ni... lagi kelabu mate dr bace journal... ntah ape2 kan...hehehe...

welcome to the world of blogging!!

Ececeh...nak try bloggingla plak... orang duk heboh sangat...

needs a boss!!

aiyo...haru birula kalo incharge the whole department camni...cam2 bende ngarut kena buat... reportla, maklumbalasla, researchla, tu belum masuk meeting buat muke toya lagi tu... ish, kalut2...cepat2la 1 jun...