Friday, July 30, 2010

things that remind me of YOU...

1. YOU
~ scars on my knees. :)
~ my over-teasing brother
~ your name
2. YOU
~ awkward smiles
~ the subject lukisan kejuruteraan
~ torn pictures. :)
3. YOU
~ baju kurung
~ the subject math
~ tuition class
4. YOU
~ ten cent coin and any mention of it in terengganu dialect. :)
~ long fingers
~ prank calls
~ matrix
5. YOU
~ your famous mother. heh.
6. YOU
~ the color red
~ konvo robe
~ Hospital Selayang cafeteria
7. YOU
~ avril lavigne's keep holding on. because it's the song u successfully downloaded for me. thanx! :)
~ the word 'thank you'. you know why. heh.
~ the word 'mek comey'. :P
~ HTAR library
~ HTAR psychiatric ward
8. YOU
~ TDM, always! ;)
~ extended hours
~ the sixth floor corridor at HSNZ, the one facing the ocean. because i'll always remember how we walked through it so late in the evening to distribute the results to the wards, looking in awe at the lovely view of the beach. :)
~ honda city, the nicer-butt version, not the latest one. :)
~ the number 5
~ the word 'sweet'
~ the word 'poyo', because well, the first ever time i used that particular word was to you. :)
~ bright smiles
9. YOU
~ paradise deluxe
~ secret smiles
~ birthday wishes
10. YOU
~ a proposal
~ that huge hello kitty at my brother's house. here's the thing. i have a bad memory of hello kitty, since secondary school, i hate it, that's why i can't keep that particular one, heh. i told you i didn't want it but you were so stubborn. oh, okay, sorry!
~ purple-colored kancil
~ UiTM
~ my three best friends. you know who they are. :)
~ nephro patients
~ the word 'stalker' and how i regretted it. :(
~ the word 'sorry' and how i wish i could say it to you face to face and meaning it with all my heart.
11. YOU
hm, you're a new addition. though, i don't really know where we can go. but here's the things that will remind me of you:
~ hotels
~ subuh time. :)
12. YOU
i don't know why i hadn't added you before, in that entry. maybe because you don't know me and i don't know you. but, somehow, you're the inspiration for one of the characters in my stories, so i just realized you made quite an impression on me. by just taking quite a number of pictures of me when you worked as the photographer at my brother's nikah ceremony a long, long time ago. so, here goes. things that remind me of you:
~ photographers. especially during weddings. :)
~ a black cap. man, i love guys who wear cap (s)... :p
~ danny.
that's it, then. hm... what triggers this, you ask me? well... maybe i just miss the memories. and the memories will remain with me always, if God wills it, because of these things... :)

common sense & common courtesy to women...

so, i've talked about common sense & common courtesy to elderly in my previous entry. here's another part where these two important things are lacking. common sense and common courtesy to women. well, to be perfectly honest, this entry might be a little bit biased, since i'm a woman. but i'll do my best to see it in both views, okay? as a man and a woman...
so, here goes...
i can't help but admire the way western men treat women (and i mean the good way, not the way when they let the women prostitute themselves).
especially those in classic victorian time. how they rise up when a woman enters a room, how they let the ladies walk in front of them, how they open doors for them, how they carry the woman's load, however small and light. this might be, i guess, because the queen victoria's husband, the prince consort em-what's-his-name-i-forgot was really a man with meticulous attention to courtesy towards women. that was then. now, western men still adopt those courteous behavior towards women. maybe not to the extent of rising up when women enter, but the rest still maintain. good for them.
which brings me to malay men. i bet you hardly see malay men who let ladies walk first, open doors for them, help to carry women's load. there are a few, i've seen, i've known them. my brothers, Alhamdulillah, my colleagues at work, a few of my friends. but that i could count with my fingers, hands and toes. definitely not majority. still minority. why?
the way we are breed, i guess. we're not taught to respect women when we were little. we are taught to be afraid of them when they became angry, we are taught to be irritated at them when they babbled. and thus we lost respect towards them. and i'm saying this in general, as a woman and as a man.
i'm not saying women are so weak, men have to do everything for them, no. that is a hard no. a shake-my-head-a-hundred-times no. NO. huge NO. because women are equal to men. i was reading the e-book by harun yahya, maryam:an exemplary muslim woman, and it got me hanging for a while. it said in the book that muslim women should have more strength than those of unbelievers, since they have Allah as their sole helper. true. muslim women should not be bothered with problems, emotional or physical, since every problem has its solution. true again. meanwhile the unbeliever women have been drilled into their mindset that they are weak and they need men in their lives to help them get through problems, emotional and physical, so unlike how a muslim women should be and should be taught. maybe that's where the courtesy comes from. maybe that's why western men treat their women that way. helping them in everything. because they are set to think that women are weaker than men. that got me stopped for a while, and wondered. because i don't want to be a weak woman. i want to be the best muslimah i can be, Allah willing, and thus, i can't be bothered about courtesy? that question keep flashing in my mind...
yeah... i shouldn't be bothered, really. we, muslim women should be independent, should be strong, as strong as men, if can be. even stronger, actually. i mean, God creates women to carry babies, not men. that should give you some ideas on how strong we, women can be. that's the ideal idea. that's how we should try to be. but, courtesy for me, as i broaden my view, is not to show that women are weak. it is to show that you respect them. that's all.
we can do all those by ourselves, seriously, we can. we can walk behind you, no problem, we can open door with our own two hands, thank you very much, we can carry loads, heavy or light, we are known for carrying a dozen shopping bags during retail therapy, for God's sake, so we really don't need you, men, to do all those things. it is only c.o.m.m.o.n c.o.u.r.t.e.s.y for you to help us, to show that you RESPECT and CARE for us. that's it.
it's not such a big deal when it's lacking, still, it's just sad. sad that you out there learn a lot deal how to touch a lady's hand who is not yet your wife, how to kiss your girlfriends, hug them, going all over the boundaries, dah tak kisah halal haram, all that you learn from the western lifestyle, but you neglect to study the way they treat their women, their mothers, their sisters, how they RESPECT them. you kiss your girlfriend, you shout at your mother. what the h#@!? you take the wrong lessons pretty well, you overlook the right ones. that is very, very, very sad. that's the sad phenomenon occurring these days. that's the lacking of common courtesy that i feel so sorry about. seriously.
okay, common sense to women... hm.. what do i have to say about this? the stigma or common thought related to women is that women are weak. i think i got that covered up there. we are not weak. end of story.
common sense. let's talk in general, shall we? i have a story in my mind. a complaint from a colleague, in fact. she was upset when someone at work compared her to her sister when she showed him a picture of the said sister. the comparing of looks might be a bit superficial, to me anyway, but you have to admit, no one likes to be compared. men and women alike. right? be it how you look, what you've achieved, your grades and the list goes on. i know i hate to be compared. many of you do too. so her complaint is justified. i mean, come on... it's common sense that there are people who are better and worse than we are. we're good at something doesn't mean we are good at everything. some people might say you're pretty, some might say, you're just so-so. but do you really have to say that out loud, to that person? where is your common sense? sense here is a big word. can be defined into so many things. but one i want to light up here is this: sensitivity. there.
sensitivity. derived from the word: sensitive. God creates us to be sensitive. men and women, the same. only differs on how deep it goes. women more than men, i guess. but it depends, really. men can be more sensitive than women. if they spend enough time to observe people around them, and stop staring meaningfully at beautiful ladies only. observe people, observe the world around you, observe life. and that one destination you're heading to. you'll be more sensitive to other people's feeling, their thoughts, their aim in life. and you won't feel the need to compare among yourselves. because at the end, you're still heading towards the same destination. you still aim for the one thing. to gain His blessings. some might be closer to Him, some might just realize they need to be closer to Him.
if only we stop comparing, we'll be at peace, going to that direction. if only we stop comparing, there won't be anymore jealousy, believe me, because there is no competition.
life is not a competition. life is a lesson. a test. a transit. a temporary stop before the hereafter. if we can only remember that, maybe we'll treat each other better. maybe we don't even need to discuss a topic on common sense & common courtesy towards anyone on radio or here or anywhere. because everyone will try to make each other's life easier. because everyone is equal over there. everyone is equal in the afterlife, paying for what he/she has done in life. answering for every single, tiny thing to Him. if only we can remember that.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

common sense & common courtesy to elderly

another interesting topic i got from morning crew, heh.
this topic came about to them when they got this caller, a 60+ lady who called up and complained about how she took a public transport in kl n youngsters these days didn't have the courtesy enough to offer her a seat. which, by the way, i myself have observed quite for sometime.
for me, this is both common sense and common courtesy. it is common sense that 60+ people, men and women are weaker people. some might even have illness we can't see and less strength than their respective peers. and it is common courtesy to offer them some service, be it to open the door for them, allow them to walk past, escort them crossing the road and offer them a seat in a jammed, packed train, especially the long trip ones.
but yeah, not many people do that these days, huh? not many people, be it youngsters or even adults actually rise up from their seats and smile to an elderly and offer her/him the seat. not many people actually care about an elderly slowly walking across the road, with cars and motorcycles zooming by. not many people hold the door for an elderly, much less to let her/him walk past. except if the elderly happens to be a relative. then, u'll see the most gentleman, caring people.
which brings me to this. is it so hard to imagine that the elderly needing ur service could be a relative? is it so hard to just picture this for a second: ur mother or father or grandpa or grandma is somewhere out there, crossing the road, standing in a fast-moving train, heading towards a heavy wood door, and suddenly, out of nowhere comes this gentleman/lady who smiles at her/him/him/her and offers to help her/him/him/her. there. u'll feel happy, won't u? u'll feel relieved that someone out there is helping ur loved ones when u couldn't be there by their sides, won't u? won't u be happier knowing that the gentleman/lady could really, actually, be YOU?
hm... brings new perspective to things, huh? all u need to do is spend less than a second to think about that, and the next thing you know, you're rushing over, standing up and pushing open a door for an elderly, even when you don't know her/him. and the relief you'll feel will surpass even your tiredness of the day, you'll feel good about yourself and when or if the elderly smiles, you'll feel like the world smiles at you. because in a way, it does. there's a reward for everything we do in our lives, even the smallest, tiniest bit of service. remember that. it's His promise. remember that.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

blogging versus journalling...

okay, untuk mukadimahnya, honestly, i don't even know what blogging means. i guess it comes from the word 'blog', so i think 'blogging' means writing in a blog. while journalling, eheh, that was just me making up a new word. which i choose to define as writing in a journal. how easy is that to increase your vocab, eh?
so, i've heard about blogging a looong time ago, but never had the time nor the interest to try it. until last year, when my sister got to further her study down under to melbourne, australia, and she wished for us here in malaysia to know what she's been up to through her blog. so i registered into and became addicted to it. heh.
suddenly i discovered the channel i can get through to release out what i feel, what i think. and this is what i use my blog for. this is what i'm blogging.
what i'm trying to say is, i personally think there's a difference between blogging and journalling. some people use their blogs to write their everyday stories, much like their publicised diaries, their open-to-public jounals. they write what they eat, what movie they watch, what place they currently are, post pictures and stuff, so on so forth. that for me, in my own definition, is journalling. i don't do that. at least not here. my journals for me are much more private words i wrote in my own private documents, which i'll never publish here. but then, those journals do not contain the typical what-i-eat, what-i-watch, where-i'm-at stories either. because frankly saying, those everyday stories of mine are basically boring, repeat-mode routines. you surely don't want to read the same thing over and over and over again. heh, if you see me and my everyday life, you would say i'm pretty much a boring person.
on the surface, yes. inside, not so sure. this is where this blog comes to focus. because in a way, this is how i express out my feelings, i tell you my opinions and sometimes my ideas. this is the only way i know to do that. because even though friends would say i'm pretty much an easygoing person who talks too much sometimes (maybe most of the time, heh!), but not all what i talk about has the substance of what i actually think. no, i'm not a hypocrite, God forbid, but somehow, i find it hard to say out loud my ideas, my opinions, my knowledge and my feeling about things. it's easier here. writing it out in a blog. outside this channel, i prefer to be the silent listener. only now and then sharing what i think verbally.
so yeah, if friends scold me or tease me, my response would be a little bit delayed. there are times, a lot of times when i find myself replaying back the conversation of the day and thinking of the best retorts. but then, it would be too late to say them, so sometimes i write them here, some in my personal journals, some i just tell God. because He always listens.
this, blogging habit has become the channel for me to complain, the method for me tell you out there that there is a brain inside this hard skull of mine, and it's actually working 24/7, every second of everyday. so, maybe i prefer the general idea of blogging. writing whatever that comes to mind in my blog. and skip out the boring everyday routines. and maybe that is why this blog is hardly updated everyday. since what comes to mind which is significant enough to be written here does not come everyday. only certain time. when i observe certain something. hear certain something. read certain something. think certain something.
saying all that, you'll realize that you will hardly find my daily routine here. you will hardly read about what i do for the week here. it's just something someone else do too, out there, so what's the point of wasting your time reading about it here too, rite? you do it too.
as a conclusion, i'm just saying that my daily life is basically the same as anyone's. what i think, what i feel, however, might be different, might be the same, i dunno, but that, you might find here. if i feel like sharing. if it's too much to bear alone. if i have the time and in the mood to write it all out. if and only if... yeah. till then.

Friday, July 9, 2010


1. favourite surah from al-Qur'an: surah Alam Nasyrah or some mashaf named it al-Insyirah
2. favourite verse from al-Qur'an: 'Sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan itu ada kemudahan' ~ (ayat 6, surah Alam Nasyrah)

And the list for favourite worldly goods...
1. favourite tea: earl grey
2. favourite milk: anlene 4 times calcium choc flavor
3. favourite rice: fried
4. favourite food: lasagna
5. favourite drink: tea
6. favourite clothes: baju kurung
7. favourite pants: still jeans
8. favourite t-shirt: my pink with white polka dot muslimah t-shirt, a gift from my eldest sis, and a t-shirt dubbed to look like a pyjama by her husband. :)
9. favourite shoes: sneakers
10. favourite socks: er... cotton ones. :)
11. favourite teddy: baby pooh (sorry baby pinky measles, sorry mr aussie, sorry pinky froggie, sorry johnny, sorry mr argie, but baby pooh is always the one i grope for to hug at nights, heh!)
12. favourite tudung: still the bawal ones
13. favourite watch: swatch
14. favourite books: hlovate's
15. favourite hlovate: rooftop rant
16. favourite philippa greggory: the constant princess
17. favourite paulo coelho: like a flowing river
18. favourite judith mcnaught: a kingdom of dreams
19. favourite sophie kinsella: shopaholic and baby
20. favourite cecelia ahern: where rainbow ends
21. favourite dan brown: angels and demon
22. favourite jean sasson: desert royal
23. favourite j.k.rowling: harry potter and the deathly hallows
24. favourite francine pascal: sweet valley high senior year number em... er... i forgot the number, but the one when jessica wakefield got back with jeremy aames. sweet!
25. favourite classics: the secret garden
26. favourite charles dicken: nicholas nickelby
27. favourite jane austen: persuasion (and this is based on the synopsis of the book, since i haven't read all her books yet, heh!)
28. favourite malay literature: hang tuah collections my father wrote. i grew up with them, but i don't know where the books are now... :(
29. favourite self-written story which i haven't had the courage to publish or let anyone read, yet, maybe never...: dffa (which isn't even finished yet, heh!) i enjoy writing the rest of the stories, nevertheless, but this one is kinda special to me because of the memories. :)
30. favourite quote: 'to live well or live hell? we choose' ~ rooftop rant, hlovate.
31. favourite poem: remember by christina georgina rosseti
32. favourite linkin park: leave out all the rest
33. favourite fort minor: the hard way
34. favourite dead by sunrise: walking in circles
35. favourite onerepublic: all fall down
36. favourite nickelback: gotta be somebody
37. favourite nirvana: the man who sold the world
38. favourite nasyid: damai yang hilang
39. favourite raihan: peristiwa di subuh hari
40. favourite fareast: melakar cinta di pintu syurga
41. favourite hijjaz: lukisan alam
42. favourite rabbani: pergi tak kembali
43. favourite yusuf islam: i look, i see
44. favourite series: one tree hill
45. favourite one tree hill: got two, the one when nathan turned from the bad boy snob into a good boy because he fell in love with haley. and the other one was when lucas got back with brooke and called her pretty girl again, because frankly saying, i don't like peyton so much. heh!
46. favourite classic movie: ever after
47. favourite strategical movie: the italian job
48. favourite action movie: s.w.a.t
49. favourite romantic-comedy: sweet home alabama
50. favourite anne hathaway: ella enchanted
51. favourite natalie portman: the other boleyn girl & where the heart is
52. favourite artist: mike kenji shinoda, because he's a well-round talent. he can sing, he can rap, he can play the guitar, the piano, the table-turner, effortlessly, he can draw and he can write. and he got a degree in something too (graphic design, if i'm not mistaken) so, that proves he's smart too, besides his obviously brilliant lyrics.
53. favourite quote to patient: "pokcik/mokcik ade anok ke cucu dok jage dumoh, boleh tolong bace care2 nok makang ubak ni?"
54. favourite quote to self: 'berhenti berangan, noor, please!'
55. favourite harsh words: used to be "tengkorak hidup ko berjambul!" now, i try to be silent. :)
56. favourite curse: used to be "shit!" now, i try to be silent, too. :)
57. favourite leisure time activity: used to be reading. now i alternate that with writing.
58. favourite phone: sony ericsson
59. favourite smart phone: htc
60. favourite laptop: acer
61. favourite digital camera: sony cybershot
62. favourite hard disk: seagate
63. favourite dvd player: philips, because it's the first one that had the divx format. now, the rest of them do.
64. favourite channel on astro: star movies
65. favourite toyota: camry
66. favourite treasure: baby white. which is my car. i talk to it, you know. like lindsay did with herbie. :)
67. favourite baju kurung: cotton
68. favourite jeans: my flare-cut levi's
69. favourite cosmetic: heh, i don't wear one, do you believe that? lipstick makes my lips go dry the second i apply it on, so i have to opt for the simple lipice lip balm. mascara runs down my cheeks the minute i wash my face. eyeshadows are hard to wash off, and i can't have them everyday because i need to have a clear face for my wuduk, and foundation, heh, never like the cake-like feel of them on my skin. so no, i don't have favourite cosmetic. well, maybe, that lipice lip balm, then. :)
70. favourite cleanser: sk2
71. favourite tooth paste: colgate
72. favourite tooth brush: still colgate
73. favourite mouthwash: colgate plax for sensitive something. the pink-colored one. i like it, because first, it's pink heh. and i like how it tastes like carbonated drink when you gargle it inside your mouth. :)
74. favourite soap: johnson's baby milk wash
75. favourite shampoo: loreal with the royal jelly one, the one with the cream-colored bottle. i forgot it's real name.
76. favourite hair color: dark brown (not that i ever color my hair!)
77. favourite eye color: grey (did i ever color my eyes? does colored contact lenses count? of course, hahaha. so yeah, i did. but they didn't last for more than a month, so i stopped.)
78. favourite color: must i say it out loud? PINK! heh!
79. favourite bad habit: speeding. trying to improve that, really. got two bad experiences already, my poor baby white... :(
80. favourite human-made thing so far: the multi-purpose clothed boxes. the one that came with a top, and the one which is made into multiple tiers drawers, which you can use to store basically anything. you can find it at watson, most of the time, and giant too. :)
81. favourite internet line: celcom since my wireless at home not that compatible with my laptop. :(
82. favourite good habit: drink plain, warm water before sleep, every night.
83. favourite chocolate: cadbury's turkish delight
84. favourite secret recipe: hazel cheese cake
85. favourite snack: kuaci
86. favourite self-written poem: metaphor of life
87. favourite self-written lyric: ashes of life
88. favourite keys on the computer keypad: page up, page down, home, end
89. favourite keys on the phone keypad: space
90. favourite feature on the htc touch pro: notes. because i can write anything in it. ideas for my stories, reminders, numbers to have with me all the time. :)
91. favourite sci-fi movie: star wars la, come on!
92. favourite star wars character: yoda. he's cute. and the way he talks in reverse is way cute and rare! :) and yeah, he's very, very good at fighting too, may the force be with you!
93. favourite starbucks: caramel machiato (is that the right spelling?)
94. favourite backpack: tropicana life
95. favourite time spent which i don't have very often: alone time at the airport while waiting for a plane, listening to my music in my ears, minding my own business and observing people around me and going to the bookstore and sembonia boutique. :) yeah. that's my ideal alone time, besides the one i spend with this laptop.
96. favourite time spent which i do have quite often: curling in my comforter in bed, hugging my baby pooh tight. :)
97. favourite country (s) i want to be at: makkah and madinah. you can find solace at no other place, believe me. :)
98. favourite time i look forward to everyday, now: solat time. because that is the time when i can express how i feel, what i think, i can plead to the All-Knowing, the Almighty, anything. and it's my time to rest after a hard day at work too. to have a peace of mind. you hardly can find it at any other time, believe me. :)

so, there you go. sharing with you my list of 100 favourites. what do you think? don't use it against me, though, okay? :)

Friday, July 2, 2010

Hari ni hari Jumaat...

hari ni hari Jumaat. yang dikatakan sebagai penghulu segala hari bagi orang Islam. hari yang mulia. hari ni la pun kalau kat tv banyak siar rancangan-rancangan keagamaan, nasyid, bagi tv yg hari-hari lain tunjuk hiburan semata. hari ni la pun orang yang kerja kat terengganu, kelantan, kedah (betul ke tidak ni entah), memulakan cuti hujung minggu kalau x oncall, x overtime, x apa.
hari ni jugak la para muslimin diwajibkan menunaikan solat Jumaat, menggantikan solat zuhur, iaitu solat waktu tengah hari.
and i stressed out the word diwajibkan.
tapi, Allah itu Maha Pemurah. walaupun Dia mewajibkan, Dia bagi lagi pengecualian. pada yang musafir atau kata lain dalam perjalanan melebihi dua marhalah, yang uzur atau sakit, tak jadi wajib.
so, ni nak tanya, yang duduk bersepah atas motor kat tepi tali air, bawah pokok besar, pakai baju melayu tu tengah bermusafir ke? tengah uzur ke? yang tengah selamba pegang pinggan nasi, ambik lauk kat restoran waktu imam tengah baca khutbah kat masjid tu tengah dalam perjalanan nak ke mana? tengah sakit ke? tau tak ada masjid tak sampai lima kilometer pun dari situ? boleh dengar pun sayup-sayup bacaan imam.
this is the reason why i posted the statement 'i seriously want to migrate' on my facebook status today. sebab rasa macam dah tak larat nak tengok situasi-situasi seperti di atas itu di depan mata. tu nasib baik la terengganu tak de shopping complex. kalau tak, tak tau la berapa ramai pulak yang sendiri-sendiri pandai 'berkhutbah' di dalam shopping complex. tak tau la mydin dengan giant. tak buat ops pergi spy kat situ hari ni, never like the crowd.
sedarla wahai muslimin. sedarla wahai orang melayu. tau tak kita ni kaum yang mempunyai agama yang mulia? agama yang benar? kenapa kita nak membiarkan orang lain melabel kita sebagai kaum yang rosak? bila kita ada pegangan yang cukup kuat?
eh, mana ada... mana ada rosak, you said.
yeah, rite.
nak tanya sikit. yang duk merempit tiap-tiap malam, yang duk bergerombolan kat depan traffic light petang-petang jumaat, sesuka hati pengarang jantung dia je langgar lampu merah, buat orang lain takut nak gerak tu datang dari kaum mana? yang selalu masuk tv, masuk suratkhabar sekarang ni sebab tangkap khalwat, berzina dan buang bayi (Nauzubillahi min zalik) tu kaum mana majoritinya?
rhetorical questions. you know the answers yourself.
saya pun bukannya baik sangat seorang insan nak menegur-negur orang. nama lagi insan. yang asal maksudnya pelupa. dan memang saya mengaku pun saya ni pelupa. nak kena diingatkan selalu. tapi hari ni rasa sedih dengan keadaan ini terasa bertimpa-timpa. sebab tengok tu kaum sendiri. yang sama agama juga dengan saya. yang mungkin sudah jauh larinya 'kelupaan' dia. nak kena diingatkan jugak. sebab tiba-tiba saya rasa takut. takut nak menghadapi hari kemudian. takut nak menghadapi hari bila dah tak de lelaki Islam yang boleh dijadikan imam, walaupun rancangan Imam Muda dah start pun kat astro oasis. tapi yela, tu baru sepuluh orang. berapa kerat sangat la lagi yang ada di luar sana boleh diharapkan untuk menjadi seperti itu bila melihatkan gerombolan-gerombolan tadi yang berbangga dengan mengangkat tayar motor depan mereka, meniarap, menayangkan cewek yang tertonggek di belakang. maaf ye, bahasa dah jadi kasar pulak. itu nak kata anak-anak muda. yang tambah menyedihkan lagi, dah ramai pulak budak2 kecik yang dah suka mengangkat tayar basikal, merempit jugak walau umur tak lepas pun lagi sekolah rendah. dah ada generasi pelapis nampaknya, ya Allah... astaghfirullahal'azim...
tolongla... janganlah tambahkan ketakutan saya. tolong la kembalikan keyakinan saya bahawa ada para muslimin di luar sana yang boleh diharapkan untuk mengimami kaumnya, mengimami keluarganya. please tell me there are still more of you, real muslimin out there. please tell me i can count on you. please tell me this sadness of today, on this blessed day is only temporary, only a test. please. please.
hari ni hari Jumaat. hari yang mulia bagi kaum yang mulia. jangan jatuhkan kemuliaan itu. tolong la...

Thursday, July 1, 2010

How has 2010 been for you...?

this i quote from morning crew's last two days topic. it was still an interesting topic even though 2010 had only gone by half its journey. i was itching to call up and telling jj and ean about my end of the journey, but i doubted that i could get through and besides, i was driving at that time, so... heh... definitely no.
so, why was i so itching to call up? because 2010 had been so far an eventful year for me. in a good way. and reading that question now brings only one word to me: Alhamdulillah... :)
this year saw me travelling to not one, but two different countries, in not such a long period of working duration between those two, heh.
i went to the hectic superjammed Bangkok before all those chaotic 'war' happened, thank God. and i made new friends. i can even proudly say i have a friend in Bangkok now, whom i've met for only a few time in Bangkok and more time than i can count virtually on facebook. and despite the fact that we only had a few conversations face to face, we have more of them through the chat box. we exchange opinions on life, love (hers more than mine, heh, sorry angah!), work and sometimes we just exchange smileys. over and over and over again. something i don't even do with my best friends for so long
i went to the peaceful Melbourne. well, the city seems peaceful to me. i mean, it is their strict rule for cars to stop to make way for pedestrians to cross the streets and their standard speed limit is 60km/hr. and u get a ticket sent to your home if you're driving even 2km/hr above that limit. huh? yeah... if that isn't peaceful to you, i don't know what is, considering the fact that drivers here in Malaysia think 60km/hr is lame (me, included, heh!). and i learn about Muslim bond there too, strangely enough, since Muslim is definitely a minority there. well, i guess when you're a minority, wherever you are, that particular spirit grows stronger. i'll never forget that girl who said salam to me there, the one i've told you about in previous entry, no matter how silly or remeh-temeh it sounds.
those two trips changed my perceptions on life. broadened my mind even more. well, it is recommended in Islam, anyway. go out, travel, bermusafirlah untuk melihat keindahan alam ciptaan Tuhan, Subhanallah... the nasheed Hikmah Kembara is playing in my mind right now... :)
when i got back, however, things were not so peaceful. turned out my colleagues were complaining about me. and their complaints had basis. i was (might be still am, here and there) harsh, and in a hurry and postponing my work (not anymore), surfing online instead (not anymore), and i was noticed. and scolded, ironically 'online' by a friend. it was definitely a wake-up call. it was good in a way, even though the scolding didn't actually come in what i consider 'good' words, heh. but, maybe i needed those harsh words to snap me back into focus. because i have to admit at that particular time, i lost my focus. i lost my interest in what i do for a living. i lost, what i've described before, the luster in my life. those words brought it back, however bitterly, and i'm still trying to remedy what i've ruined, insya Allah.
during that remedying (is that even the correct word?) period, i realized the reason for that lack of focus. i was jealous, hah! jealous of talks between young wives and young expectant mothers. how pathetic is that? i got over it now with Allah's help, Alhamdulillah. it's a slow process, still going, still having to hold back sometimes, deep down, but it's getting better. I am getting better. and that is something to say, isn't it?
whoa.. yeah, yeah, what a year, you say, now? heh, that was only halfway through, remember?
i even got a proposal of marriage (jokingly, i hope) on facebook by a friend. who also confessed that he had feelings for me for six years. and i ended up calling him a stalker. yup, i'm such a *&^%$. you might even ask, what the heck is wrong with me? a lot is wrong with me, i realize it now. trying to get rid of those demons away, one at a time. i pray they will be gone, every-single-day. but still, i'm really sorry that i can't be what he wants me to be. I just can't.
on a point other than personal, this year, or half of it, anyway, also saw me crashing my car, isk! my baby white chubby fronts needed a rearrangement, poor baby! it was quite a traumatic experience, even though i was outwardly calm about it, i still couldn't drive past that road. and it's been two months already. and guess what?
come on, strike a guess! come on!!
i crashed it again! there! hah! okay, technically, i just bumped it. it's my fault this time, i drove way too close to the car in front of me, and when he suddenly emergency-braked, my baby white 'kissed' the honda's butt. and again, its chubby front needed a small readjustment, poor, poor baby! what a clumsy, reckless owner you have, right baby? and you have been such a good car to me, i feel so awful! isk!
back to you, reader. can you guess when this happened?
come on, strike a guess! come on!!
it happened last two days when i was listening to this very topic on radio! hm... still think my half of 2010 not eventful enough?
Alhamdulillah, i was fine. a bit shaken and full of regrets, but i just drove on, not wanting to discuss anything. i was late to work that time, anyway. that teaches me a lesson, though. might be two or more. hm...
first: never, ever again drive within ten inches of the car in front of you, even though you're so confident he's not going to emergency-brake. because well, life is full of unexpected events, just like what i have restlessly told you, and thus, emergency-braking can hit you anytime, most likely when you least expecting it.
second: try, please try to drive within the speed limit. please.
third: don't go unleashing your anger to slow drivers on the right lane at your facebook status, because God can hit you anytime for being such a snob. and in any way He chooses too. there. that's the lesson i think which is most important.
because like i said on my previous entry, setiap ketentuan-Nya ada hikmahnya yang tersendiri. everything happens for a reason. and the reason here, is again, to wake me up. from being a snob. something i try so hard not to be again, and there i go, snobbying (is that even a word?) again. and Alhamdulillah, i take it that God still loves me when He wakes me up from it pretty quickly.
so, with all its ups and downs, peace and hectic, crashes and bitter burns, wake up calls and a snap back into focus, how do you say 2010 have been for me this halfway through?
with a smile, i say this: so far so good, Alhamdulillah... and will be good too the next half way and so on, Allah willing... :)
p/s: my parents do not know about the second crash, not a thing they want on their minds right now with my father's impending ijn appoinment. besides, i plan on taking care of it the day after tomorrow... so, hush...sshh... :P