Friday, July 30, 2010

common sense & common courtesy to women...

so, i've talked about common sense & common courtesy to elderly in my previous entry. here's another part where these two important things are lacking. common sense and common courtesy to women. well, to be perfectly honest, this entry might be a little bit biased, since i'm a woman. but i'll do my best to see it in both views, okay? as a man and a woman...
so, here goes...
i can't help but admire the way western men treat women (and i mean the good way, not the way when they let the women prostitute themselves).
especially those in classic victorian time. how they rise up when a woman enters a room, how they let the ladies walk in front of them, how they open doors for them, how they carry the woman's load, however small and light. this might be, i guess, because the queen victoria's husband, the prince consort em-what's-his-name-i-forgot was really a man with meticulous attention to courtesy towards women. that was then. now, western men still adopt those courteous behavior towards women. maybe not to the extent of rising up when women enter, but the rest still maintain. good for them.
which brings me to malay men. i bet you hardly see malay men who let ladies walk first, open doors for them, help to carry women's load. there are a few, i've seen, i've known them. my brothers, Alhamdulillah, my colleagues at work, a few of my friends. but that i could count with my fingers, hands and toes. definitely not majority. still minority. why?
the way we are breed, i guess. we're not taught to respect women when we were little. we are taught to be afraid of them when they became angry, we are taught to be irritated at them when they babbled. and thus we lost respect towards them. and i'm saying this in general, as a woman and as a man.
i'm not saying women are so weak, men have to do everything for them, no. that is a hard no. a shake-my-head-a-hundred-times no. NO. huge NO. because women are equal to men. i was reading the e-book by harun yahya, maryam:an exemplary muslim woman, and it got me hanging for a while. it said in the book that muslim women should have more strength than those of unbelievers, since they have Allah as their sole helper. true. muslim women should not be bothered with problems, emotional or physical, since every problem has its solution. true again. meanwhile the unbeliever women have been drilled into their mindset that they are weak and they need men in their lives to help them get through problems, emotional and physical, so unlike how a muslim women should be and should be taught. maybe that's where the courtesy comes from. maybe that's why western men treat their women that way. helping them in everything. because they are set to think that women are weaker than men. that got me stopped for a while, and wondered. because i don't want to be a weak woman. i want to be the best muslimah i can be, Allah willing, and thus, i can't be bothered about courtesy? that question keep flashing in my mind...
yeah... i shouldn't be bothered, really. we, muslim women should be independent, should be strong, as strong as men, if can be. even stronger, actually. i mean, God creates women to carry babies, not men. that should give you some ideas on how strong we, women can be. that's the ideal idea. that's how we should try to be. but, courtesy for me, as i broaden my view, is not to show that women are weak. it is to show that you respect them. that's all.
we can do all those by ourselves, seriously, we can. we can walk behind you, no problem, we can open door with our own two hands, thank you very much, we can carry loads, heavy or light, we are known for carrying a dozen shopping bags during retail therapy, for God's sake, so we really don't need you, men, to do all those things. it is only c.o.m.m.o.n c.o.u.r.t.e.s.y for you to help us, to show that you RESPECT and CARE for us. that's it.
it's not such a big deal when it's lacking, still, it's just sad. sad that you out there learn a lot deal how to touch a lady's hand who is not yet your wife, how to kiss your girlfriends, hug them, going all over the boundaries, dah tak kisah halal haram, all that you learn from the western lifestyle, but you neglect to study the way they treat their women, their mothers, their sisters, how they RESPECT them. you kiss your girlfriend, you shout at your mother. what the h#@!? you take the wrong lessons pretty well, you overlook the right ones. that is very, very, very sad. that's the sad phenomenon occurring these days. that's the lacking of common courtesy that i feel so sorry about. seriously.
okay, common sense to women... hm.. what do i have to say about this? the stigma or common thought related to women is that women are weak. i think i got that covered up there. we are not weak. end of story.
common sense. let's talk in general, shall we? i have a story in my mind. a complaint from a colleague, in fact. she was upset when someone at work compared her to her sister when she showed him a picture of the said sister. the comparing of looks might be a bit superficial, to me anyway, but you have to admit, no one likes to be compared. men and women alike. right? be it how you look, what you've achieved, your grades and the list goes on. i know i hate to be compared. many of you do too. so her complaint is justified. i mean, come on... it's common sense that there are people who are better and worse than we are. we're good at something doesn't mean we are good at everything. some people might say you're pretty, some might say, you're just so-so. but do you really have to say that out loud, to that person? where is your common sense? sense here is a big word. can be defined into so many things. but one i want to light up here is this: sensitivity. there.
sensitivity. derived from the word: sensitive. God creates us to be sensitive. men and women, the same. only differs on how deep it goes. women more than men, i guess. but it depends, really. men can be more sensitive than women. if they spend enough time to observe people around them, and stop staring meaningfully at beautiful ladies only. observe people, observe the world around you, observe life. and that one destination you're heading to. you'll be more sensitive to other people's feeling, their thoughts, their aim in life. and you won't feel the need to compare among yourselves. because at the end, you're still heading towards the same destination. you still aim for the one thing. to gain His blessings. some might be closer to Him, some might just realize they need to be closer to Him.
if only we stop comparing, we'll be at peace, going to that direction. if only we stop comparing, there won't be anymore jealousy, believe me, because there is no competition.
life is not a competition. life is a lesson. a test. a transit. a temporary stop before the hereafter. if we can only remember that, maybe we'll treat each other better. maybe we don't even need to discuss a topic on common sense & common courtesy towards anyone on radio or here or anywhere. because everyone will try to make each other's life easier. because everyone is equal over there. everyone is equal in the afterlife, paying for what he/she has done in life. answering for every single, tiny thing to Him. if only we can remember that.


  1. i agree with u, i study at ovrc right now n dr is vast diffs between guyz in mlaysia n here. dy open d door 4 us, help us with heavy things n nvr afraid 2 say sorry. hv u evr heard wanita dicipta bukan dr tulang kepala untuk dijunjung, not from kaki untuk di injak, but from tulang rusuk seorg lelaki untuk dilindungi n dekat gn hati untuk disayangi...=D

  2. hi... thank you for the comment. and yes, i've heard of the saying. it's a common saying, used everywhere, verbally, not really practised hands-on, if you get what i mean... i'm blessed to have the people around me who actually pratise it..trying to shake some senses to those who're still not... :)