Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Things i realised this year...

Okay, i know it has not really been a year yet, with december still 2 days in coming, but well, the idea to write this came to mind when i was speeding through the road from work today, and it's pretty overwhelming then so i decided to just do it. Write it. So, here goes...
Things i realised this year:
1. I'm still not good at voicing out my opinions in details, verbally, i mean. I might get it out in 1 or 2 sentences, then someone said something, and i'll just back away. Yeah, yeah, i could still write them here, i know, clever you, but then not everyone read the junks i wrote here. So it goes without saying that i'm not outspoken, i'm just really, spoken-out. Hey, you got a new vocab there... Hahaha..
2. It's getting hard to update this blog. Heh! As you perhaps noticed it has been a while since i wrote in here, and i'm still keeping true to my principle. I tend to write things that are beneficial to me and to you, readers, because i don't see this blog as my diary or journal where i might write everything that happens to me everyday, i see it as a place for me to speak up, obviously not verbally, as you read in number 1, that i'm still not good at. So this is the tool i use to let you in into what i'm thinking, which isn't a lot lately, hence the lack of updates.
3. I still haven't found the courage to do what i want to do the most. I don't even have the guts to tell you what it is, let alone actually do it, God help me.
4. I like everything that rhymes. To think that i've been writing poems since form five, i should have realised by then that i like rhymes. But i just realised it this year, ten years later (good God, how time flies!). The way i just subconsciously smile when listening to raps or songs or words someone say that rhymes, or reading lyrics or poems or quotes that rhymes. I just love it.
5. It does hurt inside when a friend unfriended you on facebook, how ever ridiculous you believed it to be then, it does, trust me. Well, i guess, i deserved it.
6. I usually find myself trapped in useless conversations and i can't find a way out.
7. I'm such a spoiled, selfish brat. Ha! Actually i realised that a looong time ago and still i haven't improved. :p
8. As a methadone pharmacist, it's actually a good da'wah opportunity. The fact that these patients who come to us everyday, many of them vulnerable, quite a few who really intend to change for the better and all of them are lost. With the right way we can actually help to guide these people to the right path. And there's a bounty of rewards for that, insya Allah. Ironically i realised that AFTER i've passed the job over to a colleague of mine. Heh. May Allah help her and us to use that opportunity to the very best of our abilities. Ameen. :)
10. I'm actually a deep-thinker, but i hardly show it.
11. My eeman is at the lowest level of low. The weakest. Take my recent trip to langkawi, for example. There i was with my friends accompanied by a few college girls on a boat trip. And the girls, young as they are, were busy taking pics, with one girl in particular doing every pose possible with our male navigator watching with a broad smile on his face and occassionally, laughingly encouraging her on. Seeing the clothes the girl was wearing God knows what was playing in the man's mind. I knew it was wrong, i knew it right then that it is wrong for women to do things that can attract men. Exposing your 'aurat, doing seductive poses, even talking in too-soft a tone, to say a few. I knew it, but i didn't say anything. Didn't do anything. I just sat there, watching her, sometimes smiling to cover my awkwardness and there were times when i did laugh along with them. What a weak, weak person i was.
'Dari Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri RA dia berkata : Aku mendengar Rasulullah SAW bersabda :
“Barang siapa di antara kalian melihat suatu kemungkaran hendaklah ia mengubah dengan tangannya; jika tidak mampu, maka dengan lisannya; jika ia masih tidak mampu, maka dengan hatinya dan itu adalah selemah-lemahnya iman.” (HR. Muslim)'.
At that time i could only say it in my heart. The weakest of eeman. Me being the person who has the say-your-opinion-verbally problem. Go figure. Still trying to upgrade my eeman, insya Allah. Pray for me...
12. I might not be able to fall in love with a man, for the rest of my life. And i'm actually okay with it. Whatever people around me say. In my quest to find the one love that matters, it slowly dawns on me that that love can actually be the ONLY love that matters. His love. What more fullfilling for a creation than to love and be loved by her Creator? :)
So, there goes. I can't find it in my head what more to add... Heed whatever is beneficial, ignore the rest. Thank you.

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