Sunday, June 5, 2011

Bila lagi...?

someone like me is accustomed to this famous, open-ended question ever since we finished studying and started working. for me, that is almost four years of enduring tight smiles and flitting glances, searching for escapes. this ever famous question has sometimes became the reason to avoid socialising, especially during wedding season. these two words hold even more power than a loaded gun pointed at the head, just by being open-ended and stalled mid-air, waiting to be answered with answers yet to come.
or am i being dramatic?
bila fikir-fikir balik, kenapa mesti fikir ke arah 'itu' saje apabila soalan ini ditanya? i mean, it's being open-ended for a reason, ain't it? it doesn't necessarily have to mean: bila lagi 'nak kahwin'? right? it might mean: bila lagi nak sambung master? bila lagi nak sambung phd? bila lagi nak pergi mekah, madinah, australia, bangkok, vietnam, kemboja, jakarta... and so on and so forth?
or am i just being hopelessly optimistic?
what i notice is that this question is asked between people when they have nothing else to say. it's like an automatic traditional custom to ask this when you're out of topic to talk about. which brings another word into mind right now. pathetic. the person being asked might seem pathetic, for not knowing what to answer when asked this, but the person asking is actually more pathetic for having to ask this ever famous, out-of-other-thing-to-talk-about, question, in the first place. get what i mean?
tapi, adakah salah tukang yang bertanya apabila niatnya hanyalah ikhlas nak tau? mungkinlah juga salah orang yang ditanya, kenapa nak diassume pertanyaan itu menjurus ke arah itu saja, ye idak? i guess, it's a lose-lose situation. the one asking lose the other's respect when asking this question, and the one asked lose face for having automatically assumed the question is an insult, instead of honest curiosity.
it's a pity that this is what commonly happening in our society. losing respect and losing face, because of just one simple, open-ended question. and we wonder why people avoid each other's eyes when socialising...
so, here, let's rephrase things. apa kata bila ada orang bertanya: bila lagi...? kita jangan automatically assume they are asking us bila nak kahwin? how about we help them complete the question? hm...

kejadian di satu majlis perkahwinan....
A: dah kamu ni bila lagi...?
B: Bila lagi nak sambung master? insya Allah la makcik, ada rezeki saya sampai la ke Uzerbaijan tu sambung belajar haiwan2 gurun. (dalam hati: hahahaha)
A: (dalam hati: kurang asam budak ni).

at least then, we know we still have our sense of humour intact. ;P

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