will I marry ME?? em... er... no?

I went to this bengkel about clinical pharmacy documentation today. It’s basically about how to fill the forms for ward pharmacists. And i’ve stopped being a ward pharmacist for almost a year now, so u'll understand from all the many things we talked about, this particular topic grasped my attention. heh, yeah, funny... funny too, how this topic came into the workshop. it's just something the penceramah joked about, but it's good, though, don't u think?
It's a good question. we keep hearing people proposing will U marry me. but then did that person asking ever stop for a second and ask himself, will HE marry HIMSELF? or if it's a girl (although we know how rare that is), will she marry herself? as i'm asking myself now...
heh, u ask me whether did i ever get such a proposal? as a matter of fact, yep. twice.
first, from a guy i barely knew, went for a 'date' with him once, and he went stupidly pop the question to me on the phone. begging, was more like it. i laughed and rolled my eyes all at the same time, i mean, what the h&*%? he's happily married now, so that ends that.
second, recently, on facebook. yeah, roll your eyes.. the wonder of modern era... semua benda nak pakai online...easier, i suppose. don't know how serious that one is and no, i haven't answered that one yet... (taking a deep breath, now) because i have to ask this question to myself, first. will i marry me?
hm....it's a little bit difficult to answer, isn't it? i'm not even sure, but i'm going more into the 'no', not 'yes'...
i have a lot in my mind, rite now. a lot of dreams unreached, a lot of thoughts unwritten, a lot of works undone. i guess, i'm not ready. i'm not the kind who likes to date, couple, whatever else the terms u got. because it can only lead to heartbreaks, unrealized sins, u know... Tuhan cakap, hendaklah kau menjauhi zina, and couple, dating and the likes of it have a high risk of leading to that. i read it in an article, a good one too. so, maybe i like the old-fashioned way more. fall in love after marriage. i mean, it's the best love to have there is, rite? after the love to Allah? which is the best of it all. which i'm still trying hard to do... maybe i'll settle with arranged marriage. when i'm ready.
so, will I marry ME, now? no.
nice. what a topic to get from a clinical workshop. u'd think i had taken the wrong course. well, maybe i had. maybe if i hadn't taken this course and stayed where i was, i wouldn't be in this mess. or maybe, i would be in a different kind of a mess? heh, we'll never know the rest of 'what if's in our life, huh?
i don't think i have been such a good pharmacist lately. i've been lazy. huh...
let's see what topic can be triggered from tomorrow's session at the workshop, shall we? the penceramah was good in providing quotes, and u know i like to do that too. so i enjoyed the workshop because of that, not really because of the main topic we were supposed to be discussing. heh! bad pharmacist!
whatever! ciao!

walking in circles... dead by sunrise

Quiet, everyone's sleeping through life,
Afraid that their questions,
Just might have answers,
Quiet, everyone shut off their mind,
So, i'll turn on mine,

Alone, in a world with millions of souls,
Walking in circles,
Trapped in their dreams, unhealthy, unclean,
Walking in circles now,
Do not disturb, scream in silence,
Everyone's leaving...

Quiet, we're living inside of our mouths,
Afraid someone just might,
Hear what we're thinking,
Quiet, careful of what you might say,
Cause they'll put you away,

Alone, in a world with millions of souls,
Walking in circles,
Trapped in their dreams, unhealthy, unclean,
Walking in circles now,
Do not disturb, scream in silence,
Everyone's leaving...

Alone, in a world with millions of souls,
Walking in circles,
Trapped in their dreams, unhealthy, unclean,
Walking in circles now,
Do not disturb, scream in silence,
Everyone's leaving...

Chester bennington's walking in circles from the dead by sunrise's album, out of ashes...
one of the best songs, with the best, deep, have-to-think-over lyric i have in my collection. enjoy.

open letter to... Mr (s)...

okay, this entry is inspired by a friend's entry... i found hers interesting and i realized i do have my own stories, my own letter to, ehem, certain mister (s)... i don't have as many as hers though, but well, here goes...

1. Mr. M: u chased me around school and told me u like me back when we were what... seven or eight years old? and i made the mistake of telling my brother about it. he still laughingly teases me about it sometimes. thanks for giving him more topics to tease me about, as if he already doesn't have too many... hm, i'd like to know how u're doing now, though. :)

2. Mr. I: at that time, i thought i loved u. i thought u were my first love. i wrote several poems dedicated 2 u, but u'll never know that. i was silly for u, stalking u from form 3 until form 5. that was quite a long time for me to like a guy. maybe, because i thought u're my first love. only when i made the mistake of telling my best friend about how much i like u (i thought i love u at that time), and she teased me constantly about it, until u found out and were embarassed by it, that i realized u couldn't possibly be my first love. i came to realize that love should swing both ways, not just on my side. i was just stupidly infatuated by u, and i didn't even know why. u were not that handsome (guilty smiles flashing now) but i guess u had certain charms. u were funny, and quiet at times, which made u seem quite mysterious to me. i was a silly girl, then. but i heard u're happily married now, so, congrats!:)

3. Mr. N: u were like a little fling i had. when i went to school, my attention went solely on Mr. I, but when i went to tuition with u, u spun my mind. i will always remember how u smiled at me sideways when i taught u modern math because u asked me to. how u always found a way to sit besides me at that class. i secretly took it as if u liked me talking with u. and u did, u told me. but then, u compared me to a few girls at school who were... um, let's just say, more feminine than i was, and i was a bit hurt when u asked me why can't i be more like them.., i'm me, i can't be nobody, but silly as i was, when u asked me to pakai baju kurung once, i went straight away to wear it the next week we had class. heh... u didn't know how my heart bloomed that night when u told me u liked the way i looked. that i should wear baju kurung more often. how r u now, really? i missed those jokes we shared at that class and that lingering look u cast upon me when we met at ur shop. i was speechless at that time, did u notice? but, if i c u again, i don't think i'll be dumbfoundedly speechless again... :)

4. Mr. S: heh, u got one hell of a story. it was just a one year crush (maybe a bit more, since i thought about u constantly when i was in college), but really, ur story is quite extraordinary. we met during orientation week @ matrix, we were in the same group and something u said about the topic given by the facilitator got me hooked. from that moment on, i started noticing our similarities. as tiny as the red straps for our nametags, the lucky coincidence when we actually wore uniform in the same color down to the fact that u're a leftie like me. i stalked u for a year at that matrix, did u notice? maybe u did, because of that phone call. that prank my roommates and i pulled on u and backfired when it turned out u were with a whole bunch of ur friends too, when i thought u'd be alone. we had a great laugh that nite. u had no idea how i rolled with laughter on the bed with my roommates that nite, it was crazy. but then, i was hurt the next day when u ignored me. i thought we became friends after that phone call, but i guess maybe u knew all along what it was all about, and u didn't want it. i get that now, although i didn't get it then. anyway, u too are happily married now, so congratulation! so sorry i couldn't make it 2 ur wedding, i wanted to go, u know, but well, sorry. :)

5. Mr. Q: i didn't know how or what or why, (or maybe i know why: u're freakingly handsome!) i thought about u constantly when i was in college. and i keep remembering only one thing. the first and the only time we met at my house (somehow, we're related, :(...) and how my mother grinned ever so broadly at u and kissed both of ur cheeks like u were some long lost son she had just found. and somehow, i liked u (i even thought i fell in love with u) because of that simple, out-of-the-blue action from my mother. i fantasized about u a lot when i was in college, but i kept it to myself, only telling one friend about u. it's sad though. i've never seen u again after that day u came to my house. i don't know anything about u, and still i could write a few poems and even attempted a couple of songs about u, heh! :)

6. Mr. H: i knew a few girls in class who had a crush on u, and i have to admit, u r handsome. and nice too. and then, u flattered me by saying u liked watching me. i was a bit surprised, but i took it in a good stride and made light joke about it. u laughed, watching me still. but, i guess, u wouldn't be saying that to me anymore since u too are happily married now. congrats!! :)

7. Mr. A: u were quite out-of-the-blue. i didn't even know when i started to like u. maybe the fact that we had the chance at that last semester of college to talk to each other, that i got to know u. we shared opinions like i never did with any other guy i've known so that difference kinda make me like u. and i told u, hah, boy, did i tell u i like u? yeah, i did and u replied thank u. i will remember those two words for the rest of my life. we're still good friends, though. i like that. :)

8. Mr. C: olalala, u teased me, A LOT. and with all those teasing and sometimes 'pujuk'ing (in such a sweet way of yours), which got us teased by our friends and seniors in return, i got badly hooked, i would say. and badly heart-broken too, in the end. because i belatedly knew that all those teasing and 'pujuk'ing around were just in the name of friendship. u already have ur special some1, whom u're about to marry. congratulation! i will always remember our laughing banters and devilish glances towards each other, though. that's one of the many memories i have of my friends that i don't ever want to forget. :)

9. Mr. MAN: funny, ain't it, i don't even know ur real name. u flattered me by taking my number from that registration book at the restaurant and i still have no idea how u knew my birthday. u puzzled me a bit, though. i still don't know what u want from all those messages u texted me. u were such a polite guy, never pushing me over the limit and i liked that. and i have to admit i liked the secret smiles u passed to me whenever i went to the restaurant. the last time i saw u, u seemed changed somehow. much more grown and happier. i guess, u probably have found ur happiness, ey? i'm happy for u, really i am. :)

10. Mr. G: here goes. u gave me gifts i didn't appreciate and u knelt to me in front of everybody. and still i didn't appreciate it. bad of me, huh? to that time u never actually told ur feelings about me but our friends teased me constantly about it, to the point that i began to hate it. and i didn't even know what it was, until recently. and i was touched, u know... i might give u chance, or i might not, it's really not in my hands to decide. it's all His doing, the Almighty. i might not be the best for u, and u might not be the best for me. only Allah knows what is best for each of His slave. let's just pray for the best and for us to improve ourselves in His Name to gain His Blessings, so that we actually deserve the best He has in store for us. shall we?

p/s: and that, i guess, ends this letter. for now. :)

with all my heart,
rodhiahrahman.

people always leave...

That’s a saying by peyton sawyer from one tree hill and like peyton sawyer, i’m scared of that too. Of the fact that people have the ability to leave u and don’t come back. And the fact that it’s gonna hurt u more than u can think possible when that person leaving u is someone u love. I used to pray when i was little (okay, maybe not very little, when i was in primary school or something like that) for God to take my life before my mom’s. Because i love her so much, i can’t bear the thought of her leaving me. It’s okay for me to leave her, go to school, go to college, go to work every day, get married, die. Die before she does, because i know, deep down, i don’t think i can handle the pain if she’s not around anymore. Hah, yeah, selfish, right? But, hey, it’s not in my hand to decide that, ey? It’s all His doing. All i can do is pray...
And tonite, or maybe a-couple-of-weeks ago nights, i began to realize that this fact, this fear of mine is the sole reason why it’s so hard for me to give my heart to someone. Because then my heart won’t be mine anymore, and if he goes away and never comes back, he’ll take my heart with him and i don’t have anything worth living for anymore. Hah, yeah, pathetic ey? A bit sickeningly helplessly romantic, you say? Welcome to my world.
It’s true that everything is decided. God has his way for every human being He created, each and everyone of us has our own story, our own destination. Our own destiny. And i believe with all my heart what He said in surah al-Baqarah, ayat 286: Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope. Allah takkan menguji hamba-Nya dengan apa yang dia tak mampu. I believe that. But then, to be that strong, to be able to bear this type of test, this type of pain, the pain of feeling dejected, abandoned, feeling alone for the rest of my life... to bear all this is not an easy task to do.
Again, all i can do is pray...

books i have that i haven't yet read or haven't yet finished reading

here's the list, are u ready??

1. nicholas spark's Dear john: i've read a chapter. i bought the book mainly because it becomes a movie now, so i have this habit, you see, i like to read the book before i watch the movie it based on, so that i can compare between the printed version and the silver screen version. and usually the printed version is always, always better than the silver screen version. examples: harry potter, obviously, jodi picoult's my sister's keeper, the other boleyn girl...
2. nicholas spark's The lucky one: my bangkok friend, k herie recommended this one for me since she's a sucker for anything from nicholas spark (yup, something i didn't see coming. i never expected this girl's a romantic type, but she is, hehehe..) haven't read it yet, though.
3. sophie kinsella's Twenties girl: i've flipped through this one and i already know the ending, heh! (yeah, it's something i do as a rule for reading: read the synopsis, read the beginning, flip through the middle and read the ending. i know, bad reader!)
4. Ransom my heart by princess mia of genovia, which is actually meg cabot's famous character from the princess diaries: a romance, something i don't do these days. i've bought the book last year and still haven't read it.
5. cecelia ahern's The gift: i haven't read it yet, i know, shame on me. i suspected it to be a good book. cecelia ahern's always have a way of touching people's heart. i bought this one last year too, isk!
6. jane austen's Persuasion: i've wanted this book so badly before i got it that when i have it i couldn't find the time to read it! does that even make any sense to you? guilty again.
7. randy pausch's The last lecture: a book about life, which i also suspected is a very good book. an inspiring story. only i'm not inspired enough yet to read it, duh! ( i knock myself on the head.)
8. Love letters of great men: okay, to be honest, i only bought it because it was mentioned in the satc movie. i read some of the love letters too. the one from king henry to anne boleyn was something... lord byron is well, lord byron. i don't think i need to elaborate on that. but no, i haven't finished reading it yet.
9. jodi picoult's Change of heart: i haven't read it yet. it's my eldest sister's suggestion. it's hers, actually. she said it's good. and i trust her judgement, because hey, she was the one who introduced me to the hobby of reading english books back when i was in primary school. and that was a year when it was very, very difficult to persuade a young girl to read. much more a young malay girl to read an english book. salute to her, then. come to think again, it still is difficult to persuade youngsters nowadays to read anything readable... double duh!
10. louise bagshaw's Passion: another of my eldest sister's suggestion and yup, you guessed it, i haven't read it yet. i've flipped through, though. could be good, could be uhuh... i'll find out, don't worry.
11. johanna lindsey's No choice but seduction: yet another of my sis suggestion. yet another i haven't yet read. it's a romance. have to admit i'm not much into romance these days... heh...
12. zabrina a bakar's Life is an open secret, you me and we: yup, a mouthful of title, a mouthful of stories. good lessons told in the simplest forms, in jokes, in quotes, in phrases. definitely a good book to have. i've read a few short stories in it. it's something you have to read and just stop for a while and ponder about it. a book that leads you to think. nice.
13. dr danial zainal abidin's Qur'an saintifik: i've read a few chapters. have to stop for a while and ponder hard on things too. have to just close my eyes for a while and think. open ur eyes to a whole new world, i would say. makes you say this one word over and over and over... Subhanallah...
14. siti nor bahyah's Hadiah buat muslimah, panduan asas fiqah untuk wanita: i haven't finished it yet. have to go from one chapter to another slowly, and practice it. it's not something u just read. it's something u have to do what u read.
15. dr zulkifli's Himpunan hadis modal insan: nope, haven't finished it yet too. definitely not a light material to read, so it takes time.
16. random house's Treasury of best-loved poems: have read a few poems in it, have even selected my favorites, but really haven't finished it all.
17. jane austen's Pride and prejudice: hahaha, yeah, i'm laughing out loud. because i already know the story. (i mean, who the heck doesn't know mr darcy?) i've watched the movie version of it countless times and still haven't finished the book. bite me. yeah.
18. Wuthering heights (i forgot the author): good book, i think. much like the collection of jane austen's . not much of a sucker for classics, but i fell head over heels in love with frances hodgson burnett's The secret garden and A little princess, louisa may alcott's The little women, lucy montgomery's collection of Anne of green gable stories, so yeah, maybe i can tolerate a little dose of jane austen's and that wuthering heights in time...

there you go, i think. the list will grow, i suspect. but it will shorten slowly. have to have some time. and that is not something i get so easily lately...
and oh, yeah, have to add another point. just received these magazines i recently subscribed, which i haven't even opened yet (rolling and rolling and rolling my eyes).
1. four copies of newsweek
2. national geographic mag
3. knowledge mag
4. and soon to arrive, discovery mag.
triple duh!!
have to stop blogging now for that ever-so expensive time to spend... r.e.a.d.i.n.g.!!!

high taste...

hm... sejak dua menjak ni banyak pulak topik untuk blogging masuk kepala... nak buat entries trip ke melbourne tak terbuat lagi... sabar je la...
well, then, back to the topic of the day, high taste...
this topic came to mind after my colleague and i were talking with this one staff nurse about jodoh... matchmaking... stuff like that... yeah, women. tu je la topik yang selalu nak diborakkan... (rolling eyes)..
anyway, my friend blurted out that it is hard to find the so-called 'mr right' for me since i have 'high taste'... (double rolling eyes). i mean, what the heck is high taste? i get that a lot. alaa, u ni memilih sangat la... choosy la, picky la, high taste la, high maintenance la... (ingat aku ni mesin fotostat ke nak kena buat ppm???) dan selalunya orang klasifikasikan high taste tu pada rupa yang hensem, kerja yang best, duit yang banyak, kereta yang besar, rumah yang besar, apa lagi yang besar? lubang hidung? kalau dah kata rupa yang hensem, takkan nak yang lubang hidung besar kut... (okey, just kidding, no offense)...
so, berbalik pada high taste itu tadi. kenapa mesti diklasifikasikan begitu? kenapa apabila cakap je high taste, automatik otak mesti translate, oh, dia ni nak yang handsome, kaya je rupanya...
tak boleh ke setkan balik minda itu pada high taste yang sebetulnya? pada ciri-ciri yang sebetulnya?
sebab kalau nak tengokkan berapa kerat la sangat lelaki sekarang ni yang betul2 beriman, betul2 boleh diajak mengaji sama2 tiap2 malam, sembahyang jemaah 5 waktu sehari semalam, bangun buat tahajud at least sekali seminggu? yup, betul, ada memang ada... tapi yang duk usha2 tu rasanya tak menepati ciri-ciri itu lagi...
so, jadinya, kalau macam tu, do i have high taste? ye la kut. with a different classification, i would say...
yeah, tak dinafikan, nak yang berfikiran matang, yang boleh diajak berbincang sama2 pelbagai jenis isu. pendek kata, yang luas skop ilmunya. yang ada kerja tetap. sebab tu nak menjamin masa depan kat dunia... bahagia kat atas dunia. nak jugak bahagia kat akhirat sana... sebab tu yang kuat ibadah, kuat pegangan agamanya yang paling penting. sebab sedar diri sendiri yang lemah lagi bab2 tu. nak orang yang boleh membimbing, bukan yang nak 'kena dibimbing'...
it's a bonus la kalau dapat yang rupa sejuk mata memandang.. tapi, kalau hati yang bersih, rasanya rupa pun akan bersih juga.. sejuk juga mata memandang. handsome in his own way.
so, there you go. tafsir la sendiri. do i have high taste in the days like this yang memang susah nak cari ciri2 sebegitu? maybe...
i have many friends yang memang bertemu jodoh dengan lelaki sebegitu. lucky for them, Alhamdulillah. me? still looking. masih lagi cuba perbetulkan niat, perbetulkan ciri-ciri yang dikehendaki... sebab sedar diri sendiri masih banyak nak kena diperbaiki... dulu, memang, mengaku, suke yg handsome. ask any of my old friends... confirm dia orang akan cakap aku ni suka yang handsome je... tapi bila fikir2 balik, dulu yang duk minat kat budak tu, budak ni, tak de la rupanya handsome sangat. so, i don't know where they got the idea. hm...
anyway... tu je la kut isi-isinya topik yang satu ni. yes, dah dikeluarkan dari kepala, lega!:)

things i grab if there's fire...

entah kenapa tetiba datang idea nak buat topik ni... tetiba teringat waktu sekolah rendah dulu, entah darjah lima ke enam, tengah melepak di bilik audio ke apa entah, lepas tu tiba-tiba terbau macam ada benda terbakar. the first thing that crossed my mind waktu tu adalah nak lari. dah la bilik tu kat tingkat dua bangunan. kalau on fire memang confirm bergolek la nanti jatuh tangga berlari. waktu tu memang dah tak ingat kawan tak ingat apa, i grabbed my books kat atas meja dan pecut turun.

sampai kat bawah, memang kena gelak berguling-guling dek kawan. bukannya bangunan tu on fire pun. ada fius lampu je yang terbakar dalam bilik tu. tu yang bau macam hangit. ish...ish.... my friend was grinning from ear to ear looking at my hands overloaded with books and pencil case. kantoi nak melarikan diri, tak tengok kiri kanan dah... ish...ish... ish...

thinking back, those things in my hand that i grabbed at that time showed the things i valued most. ye la, konon dah nak on fire, still boleh capai barang lagi. kalau orang lain agaknya dah lintang-pukang lari bawak diri dulu...

so, here i am. thinking on things i would grab if there is fire. mintak jauh la kan, but this is just a topic.

surprisingly, only two things come to mind, though.

my tafsir Qur'an and ihih, yeah, this laptop.

the first thing is my hard-bound, maroon covered tafsir al-Qur'an which i bought at the Kompleks Percetakan al-Qur'an Raja Fahad in Madinah when i went there back in june 2007 for umrah. Alhamdulillah, syukur dapat pergi sana waktu usia masih muda. Terbayang-bayang rasanya Kaabah itu di depan mata. waktu tu memang tak terkata la rasa kagum dan takjubnya dengan ciptaan Tuhan. rasa tak percaya, ternganga tengok Kaabah di depan mata. tengok ramainya orang dari segenap pelusuk dunia yang datang, tunduk sujud mengabdikan diri pada Allah. rasa diri ni sangatla kecil, halus, kerdil. terharu hati waktu tu tak usah nak cerita.

syukur juga dapat memiliki tafsir Qur'an tu. tafsir yang banyak mengajar diri, yang banyak menyedarkan diri. i tried to read the verses together with the translation every night, at least dapat satu 'ain pun cukup. bila baca dengan terjemahan, boleh faham isi kandungan ayat-ayat suci itu. boleh hayati. sebab sedar diri sendiri yang tajwid masih lagi tunggang-langgang, baca bahasa Arab itu entah betul makhrajnya entah tidak. i tried my best, though. sebab tu baca pun slow2 je. terjemahan tu yang sedaya upaya cuba difahami, mana yang mampu. supaya pengajarannya tetap boleh diambil. our main guide in life. our only manual for living. tu la dia. Allah dah sediakan serba lengkap. antara nak tak nak je...

i did try to enroll at the institut al-Qur'an for al-Qur'an classes, for government servants sebab ada bukak kelas hari tak bekerja, so senang la nak pergi belajar. kelas yang mengajar bacaan yang betul, penggunaan tajwid yang betul, but then it was fully booked for this year. have to apply again next year.

hm.... ada juga terfikir sendiri. kenapa la bukan main banyak institut pengajian dengan macam-macam courses pengajian kat negara ni ditubuhkan macam cendawan tumbuh lepas hujan, tapi institut al-Qur'an yang ada berapa kerat la sangat? dah la kecik, cawangan pun tak banyak sampai boleh overloaded orang yang nak masuk... sampai terpaksa menolak orang yang terlebih ni, kena enlist dalam waiting list dulu... mungkin kut Tuhan nak uji. nak tengok sejauh mana bersungguh nak menuntut ilmu al-Qur'an ni. hm... take it on the bright side, mungkin juga... tahan sabar je la dulu.. insya Allah, umur panjang, boleh pergi belajar tahun depan..

sebab tu la i treasure my tafsir so much... it's my guide, my manual, my only connection with my Creator, penenang hati waktu susah hati, penghibur waktu duka...

kalau nak tengok diri sendiri, nak kata warak, alim, baik, memang jauh sangat la... masih belajar lagi. slow2...aurat pun tak sepenuhnya terjaga... ye, pakai tudung, tapi baru je lagi berjinak-jinak dengan baju labuh tutup punggung... baru je lagi buat wardrobe makeover... tu pun, tak sepenuhnya tertutup lagi... jari kaki masih nampak lagi... hm... slow2... niat yang baik Allah permudahkan, insya Allah... pohon panjangkan umur hamba-Mu ini ya Allah...

furthermore, tafsir ni pulak dibeli kat tanah suci. sentimental valuenya tu tak ternilai dek wang ringgit walaupun asalnya dibeli. so, it becomes the first thing i grab if there's fire.

next, this laptop... for much simpler reasons...

first, sebab dia baru. baru je beli tahun lepas... rasmi tak rasmi, microsoft words, media player dengan internet je pun. cd pun tak tengok lagi dengan laptop ni walaupun dia ada dolby home theater dengan hd screen. burn cd pun baru sikit. burn dvd tak langsung lagi... hard disk pun gila banyak lagi spaces boleh diisi, sebab memang beli yang spec canggih sikit la katakan... 320gb, ddr 3 memory 3 gb... konon... gunanya tak pun. pendek kata tak sepenuhnya diguna lagi.

second, sebab inilah tempat diisinya segala curahan rasa, curahan hati, curahan idea... yang tak sepenuhnya lengkap lagi. masih banyak perlu ditambah, perlu dicari, dikorek dari kotak minda, masih ada ruang kosong perlu diisi... kalau tak faham tu, buat-buat faham je la ye... tak bersedia lagi nak menceritakan apa sebenarnya... :)

so, jadinya these are the two things i grab. not baby pooh, not baby pinky, not even mr aussie and joey, not even my many, many very-much-treasured books...

tapi dua benda ini yang terus terlintas di kepala waktu terfikir kalau ada darurat...

hm... what are the things (not included family, friends, pets, since they have their own two feet to run on in case of fire) that you grab if there's fire? the things that come first to mind when you read that question? what?

i'll leave you to think about that... ;)

21 guns...

i hate... politic.
heh, okey, i know it's wrong for me to say that. but i don't hate politic which is clean, which is done for the good of people, for peace, for strengthening Islam. i love that kind of politic. but then, are we living with that kind of politic nowadays?
i hate dirty politic, the one which is filled with empty promises, bribery, back-stabber. the one which is only chaotic when it's time for voting but quiet down suddenly when it's done. i hate those smiling people promising everything before the voting and end up coming back with nothing when it's finished... seriously... i'm still waiting for obama to call back the american troops from iraq, like he promised to do before he became president. and, yeah, still waiting.
still... waiting... still...
talking about american troops. do you think they like what they're doing there? do you think they like being called murderer, murderer of innocent people, murderer of women and children? do you think they admire their blood-stained hands? some cold-blooded, empty-hearted soldiers may not care, they're just doing what they're asked to do, but some, or i might say, most of them do care. most americans even expressed their dissatisfaction with the injustice done to those innocent people in various way. riots, public exclamation by actors and actresses at various awards, songs. which brings us to this. this particular song by greenday, 21 guns. greenday is famous for their trademark sarcastic lyrics towards war. just watch their wake me up before september ends's video clip. you'll get the idea. and here's the words from 21 guns...
Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins
One,
21 guns
Lay down your arms,
give up the fight
One,
21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
you and I
When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins
One,
21 guns
Lay down your arms,
give up the fight
One,
21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
you and I
Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?
When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins
One,
21 guns
Lay down your arms,
give up the fight
One,
21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
One,
21 guns
Lay down your arms,
give up the fight
One,
21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
you and I
brilliant words, eh? tug something in your heart, ey?
i've highlighted the phrases which emphasized only one thing: guilt.
that's what those soldiers with heart mostly feel. that's the dillema they've fallen into. divided between service to their country and their own consciousness. killing people. that's way too high a price to pay.
back to politic. people questioned me for not voting. for me, it's plain and simple. it is my right. it is also my right to choose who's the best leader for me. for the people. i'm young. i'm not that good in judging who's the best one. i'm still observing. kalau sendiri masih tak sure siapa yang betul-betul boleh memimpin, takkan senang-senang nak main pilih je? if he's not the right one, then macam mana? saja dapat dosa bersubahat.
nothing is worth fighting for if it's not worth dying for...
pejuang melayu dulu pernah menegakkan: berjuang la habis-habisan sehingga titisan darah yang terakhir. itu waktu nak memerdekakan negara. waktu nak membebaskan tanah air dari belenggu penjajah. that is one fight definitely worth dying for.
sekarang? i'm still observing. i'm still searching. i'm still trying. i'm still deciding.
if there's finally a fight worth dying for, count me in.

introducing... Mr. Aussie...

Here is Mr. Aussie. And his joey in his arms, named... Joey... heh!! do you know that a baby for kangaroo and koala is called joey? hence, for easier recognition in the future, I called the baby for my Mr. Aussie, Joey!!
And reminder for any of you human out there about to have babies, don't ever, and I repeat, e.v.e.r., name your baby, joey... it's an equivalent to the names of the babies of particular types of animals in Australia... now you know, thanks to me, ihih!!
so, back to my Mr. Aussie.. where was he born, you ask me? here it is...
Here I was standing with my sis-in-law in front of the place where Mr. Aussie was born, the Queen Victoria Market, Melbourne, hugging him for the very first time... he cost me AUSD28... quite expensive when you convert to ringgit malaysia, around 70+ ringgit, but his cuteness is worth it... not to mention his very well-behaved joey (since that particular baby was stitched to his dad's front, he can't actually go anywhere now, can he?)hehehe...
here's where i gathered the info about Mr. Aussie's species, at the Healesville Sanctuary (more about it in melbourne trip entries, which i'll upload later, maybe... hopefully, i will be that rajin, :))

And here's a pic of a real koala, which i forgot what was his name... he was sleeping, though, it was not yet time to open his eyes, which he will when it's lunchtime, but we were early, so we only caught him sleeping cutely hugging the tree...
Koalas, unlike kangaroos are very shy animals... they hardly come closer to human, just curling themselves around the tree trunks and covering their faces with their hands... unlike kangaroos which we can actually feed with our own hands as they come trotting closer to human, no shame at all...:)
And now, here is Mr. Aussie with his new companions...

Or maybe I should say here are Baby Pooh and Baby Pinky Measles with their new companion, Mr. Aussie and Baby Joey...heh... they are still teaching Mr. Aussie how to speak malay, and english without the Australian brawl (G'day, mate!!)... just kidding! hehe...
If they really do speak, i'll pass out on the bed... seriously.
so, there they are, my companions...
hm...
p/s: pray i'll be rajin enough to post entries on the trip to melbourne... berkobar-kobar sebenarnya nak buat travellog, but then, the trip was almost two weeks, we went to a lot of places, so there were a lot of things to tell... not enough time to do it 2nite, though, there are pics to be edited, bla..bla...bla...
see ya... I'm gonna go hugging my companions now! ciao!! ;)