Friday, April 23, 2010

nak lelaki baik kena jadi baik dulu...

i said this once on my facebook shoutout: nak lelaki baik kena jadi baik dulu'. but that statement swings both ways, actually, guys... nak perempuan baik kena jadi baik jugak dulu.
and baik itu maknanya luas. but as a muslim, the definition should be easy for us, though to execute it is one very tough job to do. like hlovate said through one of her characters in her book, (yeah, yeah, hlovate lagi. but then, i learn a great deal from her books, so sue me.:)) baik pada definisi Islam mudah saja: buat apa yang Allah suruh, tinggal apa yang Dia larang. senang je nak menyebutnya. tapi nak membuatnya?
Allah suruh sembahyang, kita kenalah sembahyang. Allah kata jangan tinggal sembahyang, jangan la kita tinggal sembahyang. Allah dah bagi kita kemudahan untuk sembahyang jamak bila bermusafir, bila sakit, don't give stupid excuses nak jadikan negeri mukim la apalah sebagai alasan untuk kita melengahkan suruhan Tuhan yang satu itu. jangan putarbelitkan kemudahan yang dah diberi. i need a man, a good man who can remind me when it's time to solat, not a man who didn't even ask where he can solat because he was too busy being obsessed for seeing me.
because i'm trying to be good. so i need someone better who can guide me. someone with a strong foundation of faith. and sembahyang 5 waktu itu is one of the pillars to strengthen our faith. tak boleh tinggal. tak boleh dilengahkan. tak boleh diambil mudah. macam nak bina rumah. kalau kita buat sambil lewa je tiang seri rumah tu, boleh ke rumah tu nak berdiri teguh melindungi kita? that is a rhetorical question, you know the answer yourself.
Allah suruh jangan mendekati zina. jangan 'mendekati zina'. tapi most people ambik perkataan yg last tu je. perkataan yg sebelum tu tak dihiraukan. mendekati. it's like us walking towards a destination, say, a mountain. it's either we walk or we drive, or we cycle, skate, whatever, we'll come closer to the mountain. mendekati means to come closer. and there are actually various ways that people can come closer to zina. the simple example is dating, duduk berdua-duaan. sebab Rasulullah s.a.w dah bagi warning siap-siap, duduk berdua-duaan antara lelaki dan perempuan bukan muhrim, ada yg ketiga mencelah sekali. dan yg ketiga itu memang suka je nak manusia ni buat benda-benda terkutuk. Sebab tu Allah larang mendekati zina. bukan zina saja. jalan ke arahnya pun dah Allah larang. sebab bisikan jahat si syaitan itu ada di mana-mana. waktu kita leka, waktu kita tak khusyuk solat pun. everywhere.
and i read in an article that Rasulullah described zina tu ada byk bahagian. zina mata, zina hati, zina telinga, zina mulut. zina mata bila kita tengok lelaki or perempuan bukan muhrim kita. sekali boleh lagi, the second and the third and the forth and so on lepas tu biasanya dah disertai dengan niat lain. sebab tu Rasulullah bersabda; 'tundukkanlah pandanganmu, sesungguhnya itu lebih baik bagi orang-orang yang beriman'. watch your gaze, guys and girls.
zina hati apabila kita teringat, rindu, terbayang-bayang, angau. zina telinga apabila duk asyik masyuk melayan kata-kata cinta. ni semua pada yang bercinta belum berkahwin ye. kalau dah kahwin tu, semua dah halal, no problem. zina mulut, bila kissing (nauzubillah...), bila meluahkan kata-kata cinta pada org yang tak halal kita meluahkannya. i love you, aku sayang kau, i miss you, whatever else... nauzubillahiminzalik...
i don't want a man who falls easily for these madness, ya Allah, help Your slave.
i don't want a stalker. i don't need one. stalking me is one thing. but stalking my siblings is one whole different thing altogether. that is the last straw. that makes up my mind on what i think about you. and it's not going to be a good news. adding my sister on your friend's list when you don't know her and more importantly she doesn't know you is a very bad move. how can i trust you're not going to add any more unknown woman in the future?
please la, guys and girls... don't fall for these madness. yup, internet itu satu kemudahan. facebook itu satu kemudahan. yeah, utk berhubung dengan kawan2 yg kita dah lama lost contact. that was the basic point. that was the claim you read everytime you want to login. don't abuse it. jangan main taram je nak add orang and approve orang yang kita tak kenal. we heard on the news fraud cases online countless time. don't fall victim to it. because people can say whatever they like on the net. yg bermulut manis tu makin bertambah berbalang-balang gulanya berkata-kata.
i don't need a sweet talker too, ya Allah. not when i'm not married to him. i don't want to fall victim to that. yeah, yeah, i can be terharu, i can cry because i'm touched (i'm a woman, still), but what kind of a guy becomes happy when someone he claims he loves cries for him? what happen to you jump i jump, you happy i happy, you cry i cry? now, it's you cry for me, i'm happy. hah, that is a childish pride, and i don't want, i don't need a child. i need a man.
i need a man who can guide me to Him, protect me from satan, wash away my tears. because i'm not perfect. baru je pun lagi mencuba nak jadi baik. in it's truest meaning. tengah merangkak lagi. i need a man who can give me a strong hand so i can get up and walk and run. and by strong hand i mean strong foundation. terjaga semuanya yang patut dijaga. buat apa yang disuruh, tinggal apa yang dilarang oleh Tuhan. easier said than done. yeah...
sebab hidup di dunia tak lama pun lagi. dunia dah nak kiamat. tandanya dah ada di mana-mana. negara yang tak pernah terkena earthquakes tiba-tiba bergegar, yang tak pernah banjir tiba-tiba dipenuhi air. mana pernah selama hampir 26 tahun i live in this world, european airway tiba-tiba tak boleh dibuka? kelabu, kelam, gelap, tak nampak apa-apa. mana pernah terjadi sebelum ni sampai beratus-ratus flights tertunda tak boleh take off? please... ambik la pengajaran... kiamat dah dekat, yes, it's a scary fact but tu memang ketentuan Tuhan. memang confirm akan berlaku. dah disebut berulang-ulang kali dalam al-Qur'an. tiada sangkalnya lagi.
dunia dah tua. i read somewhere that when Rasulullah went for Israk Mikraj, Allah showed him the age of the world. waktu tu pun dunia dah diibaratkan seperti orang tua yang dah bongkok. dan itu lebih seribu tahun yang lalu. sekarang? Wallahualam...
Ya Allah, mohon bantulah hamba-hamba-Mu ini kembali ke jalan-Mu, ya Allah. Amin.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Metaphor of Life

i wrote this approximately 4 years ago. it came about back when i was still studying, and our class decided to start a faculty's magazine. and one of my colleagues, merangkap the editor said that the magazine lacked literature works, especially in english. my three best friends simultaneously pointed a finger each at me, saying i could do one. they knew how much i love to write.
at first, i decided to write a short story. i was a bit homesick at that time, so i really wanted to write about the beach in terengganu. i ended up with this poem, instead, considering a short story describing how i miss the beach would sound kinda boring, if not stupid... eheh...
and then i showed it to my three best friends before i decided to give it to the editor. you know, just to know their opinion on it. they didn't give me any. they just kinda look at each other unbelievingly... heh, it was funny. they were the one who made me do it. but, never mind. maybe they were just dumbfounded and shocked that i could actually do it. i showed it to another friend. a close friend. she read it thoroughly. and read it again. i asked her what she thinks about it. she looked at me in the eye and said: 'it sounds lonely'...
that was her exact word. lonely...
and come to think of it, when i read it again, it is. a lonely poem, that is. so here it goes:
Here I am,
Standing alone,
Darkness overwhelm,
But I hear a sound,

Faint at first, and then stronger,
It comes rushing, and I stumble,
It washes past me, and I shiver,
Chilled and frightened, I do nothing but wobble,

Just as I’m about to strengthen,
Bigger and louder, it comes again,
My hands flail around, but there’s no hold to gain,
And I fall hard on my back, crying out in pain,

With anger and determination consuming,
I stand back up, glaring at nothing,
I hold my ground, waiting,
When it blows again, this time,
I stand without even flinching,

And so here I am standing,
Still alone, trying to look around,
Shading my eyes as the light is blinding,
But then I hear a familiar sound,

I see it clearly now as it comes, nearing,
The waves curling, bubbling white,
I dig my feet and smile defiantly as the sun rises, shining,
Brilliant, vibrant and bright.

This is a metaphor of life as I see it,
Even in darkness, alone and you are falling,
All you have to do is fight it back to the last bit,
As there is a bright side coming to almost everything occurring.

Penned by: Rodhiah Rahman, 290306.
does that sound lonely to you? it still does to me. :)
but, i guess, being alone makes you stronger. being hit by hardship makes you stronger. being able to come back up on your own two feet without even a hand outstretched to help you makes you stronger. in the end, that is what matters. the thing that makes you stronger. even when you're alone. find it, then you can say you live a life. okay? :)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Versus...

We heard about this word a lot, mostly in sports, but do we fully understand and utilise it? Heh, so, this entry is not an entry to define a word. If i want to do that, i will have millions of entries waiting to be uploaded since there are millions of words out there to be translated.
This entry is about a book by hlovate with versus as the title. My Bangkok friend, k herie, or i now can affectionately call angah (as according to her) is an hlovate’s books fan as much as i am, so since she’s all the way in Bangkok, and can’t read the book yet, here i am making a synopsis of it for her. And u too, whoever u r reading this now. Warning. This synopsis contains spoiler, so if u’re a fan of hlovate and haven’t read versus yet, and don’t want to know how it is before u read it, u better just step out from this entry, thank u. So, ready?
So, hlovate describes the word ‘versus’ in the most descriptive way which we haven’t even thought before. The book is not about sport, it’s not about a game or a telematch with one side opposing the other (or, the simple saying, a versus b). The book is about changing for good. The book is about finding your way. The book is about ur past life versus ur present. Which can be changed into something better or something worse. It’s really ur choice.
The book’s main characters are minn and ao. Both of them are skaters, living life the way happy teen lives their life. They met @ college, and were not such a chum to begin with. :) yeah, typical hero meets heroine, there’s always an argument in the corner. At this point of time, minn is no longer a skater, while ao still is. because of her late grandfather’s will (for her to change, and leave the carefree life). To make the story short, heh, minn’s sempoi but guarded personality attracted ao, and he vowed to change for good. For her and for them, so he said. And he did. With one hell of a price. The point hlovate tried to make here is that it’s not easy to change. Especially to change for something better. To quote her own words, ‘bukan mudah nak berubah dari tanpa arah ke sejadah, dari tepi jalan ke sujud menghadap Tuhan’. And it’s very, very, very true.
So, back to ao and minn. Ao got to further his study in Sydney and left minn in Malaysia. With a kinda pending status of their actual relationship. They were close, and at that time, minn already could sense that ao is changing. Dah tak kerek sangat macam dulu la kiranya. Heh. Then, when ao came back for a holiday, he asked a girl, jasmin to ask minn’s parents’ permission to go to this one programme at cerakah. Turned out it was an Islamic programme which lasted for two days with men hardly see the ladies. Very properly guarded programme. And minn realized that ao had changed and she felt inferior to him. Dia balik dr program tu terus demam n dah x contact langsung dgn ao. Ao x tau apa2 n balik Sydney, brokenhearted, when he heard from minn’s sis that minn had gone out with her exbf. Padahal x pun sbnrnye. And then, minn further study to mcquarie, as fated, jumpa balik ao yg sambung master kat situ. Minn pun, kesan berkawan dgn jasmin, dah slowly jadi baik jugak, but she mistakenly thought that jasmin is ao’s girl. Turned out they are staying at the same floor, and ao felt responsible to take care of minn. And then one day minn got spiked and ao saved her. Lagi la rasa bertanggungjawab sampai dia propose jugak nak kawin dgn minn, guna family. Turned out jasmin is only ao’s second cousin. It was hard work trying to persuade minn, but she agreed in the end. It might sound like a cliché, but knowing hlovate, her story is not just merely happy ending story. It’s filled with quotes and Islamic lessons, and Qur’an verses as guidance along the way. U have to read it to learn something. One quote that sruck a chord in my heart from the book is this: 'everything is fated. Only interchanged by God’s will, efforts and doa'. So true.
And something else brought some sense to me too. There was this part when ao mentioned after they got married that he thought of building their family there in Australia. And he has a sound reason for that. He said that it’s hard to raise a kid in Malaysia, where Islamic culture has been taken for granted. To quote his words: banyak sangat grey areas. apa nanti kita nak jawab bila anak tanya, orang tu muslim jugak, kenapa dia tak pakai tudung pun? Dua orang tu muslim jugak tapi boleh je pegang2 tangan lelaki perempuan sebelum kawin? Which is true, because we can see that everywhere in Malaysia. Melayu islam yang hanya pada nama, tapi tak pada amalannya. It will seem easier in oversea, in this case, Australia, since the difference between muslim and non-muslim is clear, sebab mostly yg buat benda2 tu hanyalah non-muslim.
Which reminds me of what i personally experienced back in Melbourne. I was sitting at this one mall, waiting for my sis in one of the shops, and there was this one young muslim girl, i suspected from middle-east smiled to me and said ‘assalamualaikum’. And i smiled to her and replied back, ‘wa’alaikumsalam’. She nodded and walked away. Now, how many of you can say you say salam to another muslim stranger you just pass on the street in Malaysia? Heh. Yeah, i don’t, either. Not even makcik2. And to me this came from a girl i suspected only in her teens.
That exchange may seem simple to you, but it brought something else to me. Because at that time, i felt myself really meaning that one word i said to her. And it’s just salam. A word that just kinda flows through your lips, but when saying it to a stranger, who shared that muslim kindred with you, it felt different. And we were both at foreign land, at that time, and i felt it even more. That muslim kindred, bond, whatever the word, is much stronger when you’re at a foreign land and muslim is a minority. Because then, you won’t take it for granted.
And that is the reason why i miss Melbourne so much. Aside from it’s tranquil environment and superb public transports, it makes me appreciate muslim bond even more. Yeah, there are pros and cons. But, then back to basic, it really is ur choice. To choose good or bad. Hell or well. Some people may be carried away by the culture there, but some don’t. Some with stronger hold on faith. That girl is one good example i like to think. And i’d like to be that too. And it’s not easy to be like that in Malaysia when everything is taken for granted and sambil lewa. Heh, i guess its Malaysia versus Melbourne for me now, ey? Same belief but different practice. It’s a wonder how we call ourselves Islamic country?

Saturday, April 10, 2010

sajak aminah qutb buat bakal suami

this i got from my bangkok friend, k herie, who kindly gave me her permission to copy this from her facebook's note. thank you, k herie. :)
and to all muslimah out there, and muslimin too, i guess. this is a good reminder. on what kind of love that really matters.
because we have to remember, as stated in al-Qur'an, surah an-Nur, ayat 26: wanita2 yg keji adalah untuk lelaki2 yg keji, dan lelaki2 yg keji adalah buat wanita2 yg keji (pula), dan wanita2 yg baik adalah untuk lelaki2 yg baik dan lelaki2 yg baik adalah untuk wanita2 yg baik (pula)...
adalah lagi sambungannya ayat itu, tapi points yg penting to ponder here ialah, biarlah jodoh dan pasangan kita tu nanti boleh membimbing kita ke arah redha-Nya. macam yg didoakan dalam sajak ni. dan bila itu yg kita nak, kenalah jadi baik, ye idak? nak pasangan baik, kena lah jadi baik dulu, sebab memang Allah dah tetapkan jodoh kite tu yg sekufu. baik dari segi ilmu, rupa paras, dan juga amalannya, insya Allah.
what matters most is love to Him, the Almighty. so, kita nak orang yg boleh membimbing kita ke arah itu la ye hendaknya.:)
peringatan utk saya jugak sebenarnye. so, here goes...
selamat menghayati the poem. it's not mine... so, i guess kalau saper2 nak ambik pun boleh je...
Sekiranya
kita cinta kepada manusia
tidak semestinya manusia cinta kepada kita
Tetapi sekiranya
kita cinta kepada Allah
nescaya cinta Allah tiada penghujungnya
Sekiranya
kita cinta kepada manusia
kita akan cemburu kepada orang yang
mencintai orang yang kita cintai
Tetapi sekiranya
kita cinta kepada Allah
kita akan turut mencintai orang yang
melabuhkan cintanya kepada Allah juga
Ya Allah
andainya dia adalah jodoh
yang ditetapkan oleh-Mu kepadaku
Maka
campakkanlah ke dalam hatiku
cinta kepadanya adalah kerana-Mu
dan campakkanlah ke dalam hatinya
cinta kepadaku adalah kerana-Mu jua
Namun
andainya dia bukanlah jodoh yangditetapkan olehMu kepadaku
berikanlah aku kekuatan
agar pasrah
dalam mengharungi ujian
yang Dikau berikan kepadaku..
~ dari buku ‘Pemilik Cintaku Setelah Allah dan Rasul’ – Fatimah Syarha

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

what irritates me

okay, this topic came from yesterday issue on morning crew hitz.fm. i was driving on my way to work and listening to JJ and Ean who were asking people what irritates them the most. and there was this one guy who called up and said what irritated him the most was malaysian who drives malaysian-made car but modified it to be foreign car. which i totally agreed.
i mean, come on. we know u're driving a wira, what's the use of pretending it's a mitsubishi lancer? we know u're driving a kancil, what's the use of saying it's daihatsu mira? we know u're driving a myvi (i'm proud to be driving one), why's the trouble of making it into passio? if malaysians will not be proud of their own making, who will, then?
i'm not saying malaysian cars are so good, engines mantap habisan, design lawa gile. the cars have their flaws. but then, the fact that we can make them on our own should somehow overlook the flaws. i believe our automobile experts are learning and studying and continuously improving. if u really want a really good, established engine, buy a toyota. save ur money and buy a honda. why waste the money on remodelling malaysian cars? if u want superb design, save ur money and buy a bmw.
i'd like to share my experience travelling to bangkok a while ago. me and my friends were walking at its mrt station, minding our own business, when suddenly we kinda stopped dead on our tracks. there, on numerous pillars supporting the station were banners and banners of proton exora displayed to public. i guess thailand had just imported exora at that time. we did notice a few savvy on the road before that. to be honest, i'm not really a fan of proton. i'm driving a car which i've made fun of once (apa da myvi, gemuk, belakang x lawa la, chubby pelik la. but now that chubbyness makes me love my car so much, cute!). yeah, so i was not really a fan of perodua, either. my dream car used to be honda jazz. now, it's upgraded into toyota camry hybrid. but back to bangkok, standing there, at a foreign land and staring at the banners of exora just brought a proud big grin on my face. just like that. and i mean, i don't even like exora.
there. what say you to that?
maybe, the saying 'hujan batu di negeri sendiri, hujan emas di negeri orang, baik lagi di negeri sendiri' struck a strong chord in my heart. maybe the fact that we were standing on foreign country brought a stronger sense of patriotism? maybe. i wouldn't be caught gaping at posters of exora if i saw it plastered in my hometown. i wouldn't even be gaping at the exora itself. there.
but, i just came to realize that we should be proud of what our country's achieved, so far. we made and branded our own cars. yeah, so maybe thailand have camry hybrid bersepah di tengah jalan. i mean, vios kat sana dibuatnya jadi teksi. i was gaping at those cutely painted pink, orange, green, blue, red vios taxis the first time i got there. but then, toyota is a japanese brand. and so is honda. and bmw... huh, bmw brand mana ye? i'll ask my eldest sis (wink2)... thailand didn't make its own cars, at least not yet. and the country's bigger than ours.
so, point to ponder here is this: if u're about to modify ur malaysian made car, just stop for a moment and think this: who are u? what are u made of? would u change ur face to be branded as someone else's? and what the hell r u doing wasting ur money when u could have saved it and bought a lancer or at least a vios, instead? there. i think, i've made my point.
and i haven't yet said what irritates me the most. hah!:)
okay, so, what irritates me? at that point of time when JJ and Ean were discussing the topic, the first thing that came to my mind was the fact that i have to go to work. yeah, it irritates me that i have to go to work every day. i'm lazy these days, not in the mood, seriously. the only thing that i look forward to every morning is driving to work, not work itself. but then i got easily irritated when there was a slow car on the right lane, and that pissed me off even more. because it spoiled the only thing i enjoyed doing everyday.
and why didn't i enjoy work these days? i honestly don't know. maybe because of the increase of workload. the increase of expectation. the increase of responsibilities. or, maybe i'm just not cut out for this. maybe i'm meant to be something else. not a pharmacist. i've lost interest in what i'm doing on daily basis. i only appreciate the knowledge i gain from this line of work, not the job. and yeah, i do appreciate the paycheck too.:)
and that is the sole reason why i have to keep doing this. because of the money. don't get me wrong, when i'm facing patients, i do care for their well-being, i try my best, but to really go to the depth like clinical pharmacist usually do, no. i don't have the energy, don't have the strength, don't have the passion for it. so sorry to say that.
so, what irritates me? the fact that i don't like my job right now irritates me. because it shows that i'm not grateful. and that is not good. to prove it even more, here i am blogging when i should be working. God, i'm such a bad person, aren't i?

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

brain without spinal chord...

i've been dying to write on this topic. and no, i'm not dead yet, so here i am writing on it... finally. this quote came to me from the second session of that clinical documentation workshop. yeah, yeah, sue me. everybody else was dribbling notes on how to perfect their clinical documentation (really got tired of writing those two words, now), i was busy collecting quotes from that penceramah. heh. whatever.
so, how did this quote come about?
well, the story goes like this: the penceramah was telling us a story on how when she was studying and attaching at the hospital, one doctor (or pharmacist, i couldn't be sure, now) said this to her, and i quote: 'pharmacist ni ada brain, tapi tak de spinal chord'. hm... anyone can interpret that? i give u ten seconds...
ten...
nine...
eight...
seven...
six...
five...
four...
three...
two...
one...
three quarters before one...
half before one...
a quarter before one...
zero!
hah! anyone got the answer? (devilish grin flashing now) :P
well, it basically means that we pharmacists have the knowledge (the brain), but don't know how or not brave enough to express it out (the spinal chord). smack u right on the head, heh?
come to think of it, it's true. really. at least, to me.
i mean, it's the stigma, i suppose. especially being a ward pharmacist, the experience of following rounds with doctors, especially good one and specialists, we the pharmacists got pretty tongue-tied and awe-strucked. the knowledge of drug interactions, side effects, potential harm, potential benefit, the effects on biochemistry, on physiology (or laymen's term, the effects on human body), on lab results should really be at the tip of our tongues, but when doctors asked us all we can do or in this case me was to smile sheepishly and said, i'll check and get back to you? and grin stupidly again. and furiously jabbing at our pda phone behind the doc's back. thank God for pda phone...
that was me a long time ago whan i was a ward-pharmacist, as i remembered with a shake of my head at that particular clinical workshop.
that workshop practically brain-washed me into realizing that ward-pharmacist is the branch of pharmacy that should be embraced with open arms, since it provides new role for pharmacists to be more recognizable. not just someone u see behind the counter thrusting countless pills at you. but for us to be that recognizable, is hard work. hard labour, is more like it. it's labourish work (is that even a word?) because you have to rack your brain with tremendous efforts to call back that knowledge previously imprinted in that big head of yours for four years and then hard work again to get that knowledge out of your system and deliver to people, or to doctors, or to whoever was asking. it's labour. and no, don't tell me they want to cut the critical allowance, because when i say labour, i mean it needs all the allowance you can give (devilish grin flashing again)... and no, they won't cut the allowance, don't worry... heh! yeah, wow. i did get something from that workshop, didn't i? i sounded as if i'm softening towards clinical pharmacist, eh? never thought that day will come...:)
em... er... maybe, i'm not that into clinical pharmacy... we'll see.. still have to collect more knowledge, though, and that is something i'm too, very, sangat, bangat la malas nak buat... devilish grin, again! :P
yeah, i do collect knowledge, ilmu tu ada di mana-mana, but now especially, i'm not that interested in collecting clinical knowledge. nothing whatsoever related with pharmacy. it's totally different.
so, to totally divert from the pharmacy topic... i know i've bored u to death with all those clinical terms...
this quote: 'brain without spinal chord' also applies to me in a very significant, personal way. to tell u the truth, pharmacist is not really what i want to be. not really my interest. it's just something to guarantee my future. dapat duit, gaji every month. solid income. my dream is a whole totally different story. i want to be something else. or, okay, someone else. and that someone else (which i haven't had the gut to tell u what it is, yet) requires hard work, hard labour to be too. and like the quote, i do have the brain now. yup, all those ideas keep spinning in my head, all those knowledge i've collected, only i haven't yet found the courage to spread it all out. i haven't found my spinal chord yet. the saying 'u've got to have spine' to show courage is ringing in my head rite now... it's basically the same thing, metaphorically.
so, yeah, maybe i am a brain without spinal chord, however hard i don't want to be it, i am. it's depressing, thinking about it, but i'm still gonna try. wish me luck on finding that spinal chord, ey? thank you. :)