i'm lazy these days...

yeah... i am lazy these days... yawning almost every half an hour... when i'm at work, i'm missing my bed at home so terribly, i fell asleep on the desk and woke from a dream... a dream!! i mean, who the heck sleep @ work sampai mimpi2??
i'm lazy 2 write too... the ideas came slowly these days, have to read back what i wrote over and over and over baru boleh kinda peram idea baru.. tu pun tak banyak...
first project still stuck @ epilog... second one stuck @ the sad turn of event... third one stuck @ separation... forth one stuck everywhere...
so, basically, i'm stuck... and when i'm stuck @ what i love 2 do, i feel down... and when i feel down, i don't have the mood to do anything else... and when i don't have the mood 2 do anything else, i become lazy... and when i become lazy, i yearn to just sleep and sleep and sleep the day through... but i can't... because i have to go 2 work...
have to physically and mentally force myself to swing those skinny legs over the side of the bed, walked staggeringly to the bathroom and have a bath, put on clothes, sit at the driver's seat and drive my car for 40-45 minutes to work... and almost always, when i'm in the ground of the hospital, i'll start yawning...heh... until the end of that day... and the cycle repeats itself tomorrow... aahh, so lazy la, what 2 do??
i need a holiday... coming soon, yeah, insya Allah... can't wait...
but till then,i'm still physically and mentally forcing myself... aiyo!!not good, not good... but what a girl gotta do??

i love music...

okay, ni nak start balik dah karangan about the things i love...
i'm giving u time to run... 1... 1 second...2... 2 second...3... 3 second...
still here?? u're one brave person...
so, here goes... i love music...heh... what the heck? who doesn't? but the thing is i just don't love typical music that is played constantly on the radio... or is the hot buzz of the year, month, week, whatever... i love the kind which has good lyric and superb sound... no matter what year, month, week they're born...
okay, first, we go to good lyric... when i mean good lyric, i kinda mean poetic ones...heh, sue me, but i like meaningful lyrics, not those yang keep on ulang the same things, no value, no meaning whatsoever... i like the kind that makes us think back about our lives, makes us stop for a while and judge ourselves, because hey, there is nobody else worthy to judge ourselves than our own selves... we can't judge people, because that is just not a right thing to do, so as the door swings both ways, people cannot judge us too. only we can do that... if, okay, to be fair, i do listen to lovey dovey songs, too, but yang ada sweet words.. not just merely i want u, u want me, that sort of things... so, i guess, r n b is a no, no to me...not even for the sake of its music, because r n b is mostly dance music, and i have to admit, shamelessly, i don't know how to dance... so what the heck is the use for me to like r n b??heh... hiphop, some i can tolerate, some no... shinoda's rapping, yes, of course, since i'm a big fan, and he raps about life mostly, so there's value there... sappy, lovey westlife, backstreet boys?? used to like them back in secondary school days, when i was this awkward school girl trying to connect with my surroundings, but now i find them kinda ridiculous...heh, yeah, sue me, a bit skeptical (some might say, a lot) about that particular thing called 'love'... and i put down the title 'i love music'... sue me for being contradictory, even to myself.. i too don't understand myself most of the time... so, back to that... what kind of music i love actually?? good lyric can be found in love songs, yes, rap, yes and rock... hah... rock... heh.. i'm a linkin park's fan, developed when i was in my first year in uni, influenced by a roommate and yeah, i go for rock these days... and not just linkin park, there's nickelback, nirvana, metallica, oasis, creed, korn, hm.. just to name a few... and slow rock is nice too, like one republic... i go crazy for one particular song from them, all fall down... memang akan dengar lagu tu when i'm sad, depressed or even happy... here's a list of songs i listen to when i'm depressed, sad or happy;
1. all fall down, onerepublic
2. leave out all the rest, linkin park
3. wth u, reanimation album, linkin park
4. ku berlari, akhbar, firdaus n cat farish
5. wonderwall, oasis
6. how u remind me, nickelback
7. higher, creed
8. somebody someone, korn
hm... that's it, i suppose... heh, ada jugak satu lagu melayu kat situ, ye..heh, yes, it's a good song, talk about pursuing ur dream... so i guess, my taste in good lyric is not restricted to english songs only.. lagu cina yang i tau translations dia pun ada juga yang i suka: precious, by yuna ito... and our commemoration by,hm... lupa..but it's a soundtrack for a taiwanese drama, my lucky star.. one good story there...
so, kalau nak describe satu-satu lagu-lagu kat atas tu why i like them, alamatnya sampai bulan tujuh tahun 2012 pun tak habis lagi la entry ni...
but then, to conclude, the songs have good lyrics and superb music... and when i say superb music (here we go), i mean yang memang bila dengar tu rasa macam one earful (is that even a word?? i want to say a handful of sounds, but then u listen with your ears, so is it an earful??).. maksudnya, music dia cukup lengkap.. gitar goreng best, drums creatively maneuvred, vocals mantap, and the other sound, keyboard ke, table turning ke memang masuk cun je dengan lagu...yeah... all the good things in a song put together....
so yeah, i don't like simple music... i like intricately done ones... and meaningful too... handful?? yup, you can say that of me...;)

it's fun going out with a friend...

heh, yeah, like i have to state that out loud... mana la ada keluar dengan kawan tak fun, ye idak??
tapi tu la.. today i got invited to hang out by an old friend from matrix, a guy, mind u, whom i haven't met for... um.. let me see... six years? is it? 4 years in uitm, then 2 years working, ni baru jumpa balik dengan mamat tu... ye la tu 6 years total up... baru catching up dengan dia pun masa masuk facebook last year...
and it was fun.. he brought his sister along, and she was fun too...
heh, ingat balik masa matrix dulu tak de la rapat sangat dengan mamat ni... tegur sakat tu ada la, biase je, tapi waktu dia mula tegur kat facebook pun rasa tergezut terkujat jugak sekejap...
but i have 2 admit la, he's one hell of a nice guy... his girlfriend is very, very lucky...
yeah, yeah, he's already got a girlfriend (rolling eyes) and he loves her so much! like i said, one lucky girl... hehehe...
we talked a lot about things, and i can sense how much he's grown... memang smart and open-minded but still sempoi selamba... nice combination... susah nak cari tu... heh, u got a clone or not eh benu??
he's got good opinion on almost anything, pretty optimistic guy yang memang jarang nak jumpa... heh, banyak siot puji, ada apa-apa ke?
tak la.. just proud i have a friend like him...
kehkeh, anyway, it was fun... that's all i want to say.:)

i'm blocked...

heh, that statement doesn't apply to my car being blocked and i cannot go out, or my path is obstructed by anything... it goes even deeper and more specifically to the smallest thing, which is my neuron... heh.. or more precisely, my brain is blocked.
no, i'm not saying my head is stucked in a helmet or anything, it's just that, i'm out of ideas...
my neurons which usually go out of their places exciting into something interesting and new are just now moving in a direct, straight, routinely boring pathway...
heh, i can see you're screwing up your nose and forehead now... and thinking in your head, what the heck is this girl trying to say??
so, here goes, to unscrew those wrinkles on your nose and forehead, all i'm saying is i don't have any new ideas... and i have three and a half 'projects' (if i may name them that way) i need, i want to finish...
the first one almost come to an end, yes, but when i rearranged the margin according to specification, i don't have enough pages as according to requirement... got me worried there for a second, because i have to add a few more here and there... and i've added... still not enough... and now i don't know how to end it... this one i do solely for my friends... and i'm desperate to finish... for them... huh...no ideas what more to add, which brings us to the second and third 'projects'.
the second one, i barely have an idea or two, but it kinda comes to an abrupt ending... not the end yet, still have a lot to add, but i just don't know what to do...
and the third, memang dah lama gila tak update... the 'half' one too..
aarrghh!!!
it's not nice being stucked, being blocked...by anything at all...
help me, God!!

black cat...

okay, not trying to be superstitious or anything, but a black cat just crossed the street on my way to work today, and it was two lanes per way street, mind you, and it went running right across, and when i say running, i mean it running very fast when cars were zooming by both ways (including mine)... and survived.
what does it make me, do you think? i mean, a black cat that lucky can't actually bring bad luck to people, can it? so, the saying when a black cat crosses your path, you'll expect something bad to happen kinda goes out the window, huh? i mean that black cat did cross my path, literally (or is it figuratively? whatever...)... heh. with a style too. i was laughing to myself watching it...
well, hm, maybe it was not a black cat after all. maybe it was a dark grey cat. or a black and white tompok-tompok cat.i wouldn't know for sure. like i said, it was running very fast, and i was driving, for God's sake, takkan nak stop in the middle of the right lane... kang jadi betul balik pulak the superstitious saying... heh...
but whatever... i say, you just make my day, cat.

lack of things 2 say...

yeah, yeah, i know... what am i doing with a blog if i'm not to use it, not to update it... but it's not for lack of trying, because God knows i tried... tried so hard to say something here.. just couldn't...ni tetiba mengupdate pun sebab tadi terbaca blog kawan... datang la aura nak update blog sendiri...
many things happen for the past month... (hah, it's been a month? already? kesian this blog...:)) but then, what happened was too huge to put into words...
no, i'm not married (rolling eyes)... is that the only reason why people don't have time to blog? because of the huge commitment? nooo... ramai je orang dah kawin boleh blogging...
ookay... apakehalnya keluar topik kawin pulak ni??
haa, yes, it's the wedding season... again... thinking back, i think wedding season macam tak de season la pulak sebenarnya... macam happen all year long je...
1 of my best friends got married,um, bila ye? terlupa pulak the exact date... never mind, but it was grand... surprisingly so, but then it took her six months to prepare (buat bunga pahar sendiri, from scratch tu, kagum betul aku dengan minah ni sorang), it should be a day to be remembered... so happy for her... seronok pergi wedding dia, because i felt myself getting into the event, sebab duduk rumah dia, spent the night, tolong pakaikan inai, tolong letak telur dalam bunga pahar, tolong kemas katil pengantin.. and yes, we still spent the night together on her wedding night...hahaha.. kesian the unfortunate groom... but then, we were happy...
i was happy... although masa tu fikiran ada juga pada that 'too-huge-to-put-into-words thing', which i'll tell you later, but then i can still feel the spirit of the party.. meriah siap ada bunga api kat langit lagi tuh!
then, last two days, another best friend got enggaged... i didn't go this time, and regretted it, but then jauh... and got another wedding here... but, yes Insya Allah, her wedding nanti memang kena pergi two days before and stayed two days after! heh!
so, tu la jadinya, i'm talking about weddings again... for lack of topics to talk about... seriously...
attending weddings kinda remind me of those long ago time when we, my family were preparing for weddings for my sis and bros... meriah... best... macam-macam kerenah... kinda make me remember back all those time watching my father doing the akad to the nervous grooms (my bros-in-law, now), kinda make me think when my time eventually come...
will he be there doing the akad too??
you see, that too-huge-to-put-into-words thing is about my father... he's not well these days...
he's been doing hospital-hopping for quite sometimes now, ada la jugak sampai dua bulan dah kot (hence the long time no update here)... ijn, hkl, kpj, kts... dah sampai serik dah pun dia nak duk hospital, especially gov hospital... and i, being a healthcare pro that i am, feel kinda helpless, because i don't know what else i can do for him... even the docs are still figuring out what is wrong with him... although the main reason is kinda obvious... his heart is troubling him... it has been like that for a long time, only now, it gets worse...
and you know, feeling helpless doesn't get you anywhere...
and of course, people will say, just be there with him, help him do whatever he needs to do, but guess what? that is easier, very, very much easier said than done... hm...
nice... i'm going from festive mood of weddings to depressing mood of hospital-hopping in split seconds... you would think i have a talent in writing...heh...peace out.